Dick Talk

"Whoa! Mom went off on Whitney," Sean said, looking up from Lana's phone in shock. "Good thing I never get in trouble."

His sister and Lana had arrived in the den a few minutes earlier, much to his dismay. Sean had hoped that Whitney would be the next person he saw, along with the revealed girl or woman from last night.

"My mom, Aunt Gabby, and Tinsley were dying with laughter," the redhead chuckled.

"Even Mr. Diamond seemed in shock," Peyton added. "He kept mumbling to himself."

"They called Aunt Tinny for this?" Sean asked, but he's wasn't necessarily surprised.

"No, my mom sent the video to her, and within minutes she called back. She couldn't speak for a few minutes from her laughing fit. Tinsley kept calling your mom Pepper Junior," Lana recounted.

"As in Grandma?"

"Aunty Tinny even has Grandma's voice down pat too," Peyton revealed, shaking her head. "Said that she heard her yelling like that way too many times growing up to count."

"Grandma yelling? No way! Grandma's always so sweet," Sean argued.

"Are you serious? Don't you remember when Brandy was still in high school? Grandma went off on her like that all the time," Peyton pointed out.

"Not like that."

"Oh, c'mon! You're only three years younger than me, and I remember those times at their house vividly," his older sister recalled.

"I remember it too. If I had known that it skips a generation, I would've never stayed best friends with Peyton," Lana remarked. "She yells at me all the time like your grandma. Sometimes I feel like I live with a domestic abuser."

"Oh, shut up. I don't yell at you like that."

"You do late at night!"

"That's because I'm dragging you away from some scumbag at closing time," Peyton reminded her BFF. "Gawd, you have the worst beer goggles."

"Worse than Poppy?"

"Way worse!"

Usually, Sean found their bantering amusing, but this time he wondered what Whitney wanted to tell him. Did her theory about his mystery visitor pan out? He'd spent much of the time since she'd left racking his brain over any details from his dream that he could remember.

All that concentrating had eventually caused a headache. So Sean had attempted to distract himself by going over Mrs. Stratton's list of potential girlfriends and his mom's preferred hook-up choices. Unfortunately, thinking of witnessing Bianca's dance moves up close in a bedroom, thawing Sienna's ice queen with his personal torch, and how much Daisy reminded him of a younger Fawn had Sean Junior back to full mast. That nearly led to yet another embarrassing moment when Lana barged into the room with her phone in hand. Luckily, she'd been looking back at a complaining Peyton, so she missed its full glory.

"Uh, so Whitney is taking a nap?" he asked.

"You're asking after seeing Mom like--oh, I understand!" Peyton caught herself. "Don't worry. Whitney will talk to you once she's up."

"Does she know anything?"

"Yeah, Pey, does she know who molested our little Seanie last night?" Lana chimed in. The redhead's wide grin caused Peyton to ignore her.

"Let Whitney tell you what she knows."

"C'mon, Pey! Tell us, tell us, tell us," Lana chanted. "Or just tell me."

"Don't test me. I'm not in the mood," Peyton warned.

"Tell me about," her best friend responded, throwing her head back in exasperation. Then, lowering it, she faced Sean. "You should've seen what she did to the twins."

"Lana..."

"The twins?" Sean repeated. Looking back and forth between the redhead's gleeful nodding and his sister's rolling eyes, he waited for a response.

"Of course, Natalie and Noelle had to join in on the video chat," Peyton began.

"I think Nate had something to--"

"As I was saying, the twins just had to join in. They denied having anything to do with your accident."

"How could they? They're in Hawaii," Sean pointed out.

"Well, they are known to set up booby traps as pranks," Peyton added needlessly. Sean knew those pranks well as a regular victim. "It turns outs--make that they claim that not every booby trap they set up last time at our house has been found. Now I don't buy that at--"

"Oh, Pey, their pranks are adorable!"

"Really? Let's see what you think when you're finally the target."

"The twins love me. I would never be a tar--oh, you bitch!" Lana shrieked as the realization hit her.

"Payback is a bitch," Peyton remarked, showing off a rare sinister smile.

"Wait, I've missed something," Sean said, glancing between the two best friends.

"Let's just say that twins were getting out of hand. So I put them in their place," Peyton replied smugly.

"And how is--"

"She sold out your best friend!" Lana exclaimed, jabbing her finger in the blonde's direction.

"That's not what I did!"

"Yes, it was!"

"Hold on! JoJo or Newt?" Sean questioned.

"Duh, JoJo," Lana responded, rolling her eyes. "As if Newt ever did anything interesting."

"Look, Sean, I didn't really mean to bring up JoJo, but they--"

"Then why did you?"

"Shut it!" Peyton screamed at Lana before lowering her voice again. "It's just that once the twins learned that you would be okay, they got going. You know them. They claimed to have big plans for you when they come into town for your graduation."

"Oh, gawd! What are they planning?" Sean queried in trepidation.

"That doesn't matter. They, well, it's been a weird morning, you know. And I just wasn't in the mood for their crap, so I kinda..."

"Sold out your best friend!"

"I did not do that! Well, not actually...you see, I blurted out that Jared found himself a girlfriend for his stay."

"You didn't?!" Sean sat up with concern. Natalie and Noelle's joint crush on Jared might be worse than Juliana's feelings for him. It probably was worse since there were two of them.

"I didn't actually say JoJo's name."

"You didn't have to," Lana interjected. "They saw her guilty face."

"Oh, no!"

"Don't worry. Nate will take care of it," the redhead reassured.

"JoJo is in so much trouble when they come here," Sean moaned. He wasn't at all reassured in Nate's abilities. "What did Jared do? Was he even there?"

"Oh, he fled for his life."

"Wait, so why are the twins going to be mad at Lana?" Sean inquired, recalling the start of this conversation.

"Oh, right. You weren't around for that," Lana said while mouthing 'Yikes' at Peyton. "I'm the one that tied Jared to the bed as part of his apology to JoJo."

"You what?!"

"Well, I was supposed to handcuff him to the bed, but the cheap ass handcuffs that his dad bought at Wirchie's weren't going to cut it."

"Yes, it appears that Jared was fortunate enough that Lana went digging through Mr. Diamond's sex drawer. That's why she knew he had scarves," Peyton added sarcastically.

"Hey! Don't act like I didn't catch you just a little bit ago doing the same," Lana responded. "Just so you know, Seanie, I suspect your big sis is secretly into some kinky shit. So don't fall for her wholesome act. You should hear her whimpering alone in bed at--OWW!"

Sean winced at the punch that Peyton laid into Lana's shoulder. Having been the recipient of a few of those during sibling fights, he couldn't help but chuckle at Lana's exaggerated reaction. The redhead rubbed her shoulder while giving him puppy dog eyes.

"Can I count on you to be my witness, Sean? I need to get out of this abusive relationship, and the first step is to get a temporary restraining order. I can't live my life in fear any longer."

"Let's see how much you live in fear after I rat you out to your mom," Peyton threatened. "I know she'll take my side."

"You wouldn't."

"I would."

Feeling his headache start to worsen again, Sean closed his eyes to block out the bickering friends.

---

"Okay, so everyone is good with leaving at that time?" Rachel double-checked.

"Actually, I don't think we need to leave quite as early," Harvey stated, gesturing to the other men standing in the kitchen and dining room.

"Why not?" Gabriela questioned sharply.

However, before their cabin host could answer, Bridget returned. Most of the adults in the rooms immediately recognized her strange face. It was almost one of shock. Having dealt with their missing friend's behavior over the years, Rachel assumed at once that it had to do with Tinsley.

"What did Tinny do now?" the older ginger inquired in exasperation.

"Tin...oh, no, Tinny was just her usual self," Bridget responded. Still, anyone with a pair of eyes could tell that something had happened. Why else would Bridget walk over to the small wine fridge and pull out a bottle?

"Um, Bridget, are you okay?" Harvey queried.

"What happened?" Gabby questioned almost simultaneously.

"What? Oh, after I finished with Tinny, I went to go check on JoJo," the older blonde said, pulling herself a glass of wine. She glanced around to see if anyone else wanted a glass.

"Gimme some," Gabby ordered, holding her hand out.

"We just had lunch not that long ago," Rachel reminded, shaking her head at the offer.

"Is JoJo upset?" Clive asked.

"JoJo? No, she seems to have gotten over the twins' threats," Bridget revealed before taking a big gulp from the glass. "Jared's helping console her in his own way."

"Aww, that's sweet," Rachel cooed. "I guess he takes after Jeff in that way."

Gabby didn't respond to the dig from her best friend. Instead, she pondered Bridget's face for another moment. "Let me guess. JoJo's blowing my son."

"Gabs!"

"Am I right, Bee?" the dark-haired mother continued, ignoring Rachel's outrage.

"Yep. How did you know?" Bridget questioned.

"Process of elimination. We'd hear JoJo's screams and porn dialogue if they'd been fucking. So her mouth had to be occupied."

"I mean, it's also my room. But I guess I better knock before walking in for the rest of the trip," Bridget commented. Walking over to rinse out her empty glass, she wondered yet again if she should be blamed for sweet little JoJo's sudden sexual explosion.

"I think we better knock on every door. I walked in on them going at in the wine cellar last night," Gabby revealed, surprising everyone.

"My wine cellar? I haven't even done it in...I mean, I hope they cleaned up after themselves," Harvey tried to cover up what he almost said.

"So that's where they went off to last night," Nate stage whispered toward Finn.

They, along with Skye, Austin, and Newt, sat at the dining room table. Skye hurriedly covered her mouth to hide her amusement. Newt appeared oblivious to the conversation while Austin fumed. How the hell does Lockett end up turning the boring good girl into his plaything?

"Oh, stop your complaining, Harv. You had plenty of chances to fuck in that room before we arrived," Gabby pointed out.

"Sooo, we were talking about what time to leave for Honey Hollow," Rachel interrupted, seeking to change the topic.

"Yeah, what makes you think you can leave later, buster?" Gabby directed at Harvey.

"Well, us guys aren't planning to have our hair styled," Harvey replied, gesturing to his hair. "It's a good thing that Norton pulled out all the stops and got Whitney discharged long before lunch. We'd never have had the time to drive here and back. Whitney has Donatello and his staff arriving at the hotel at five."

"So that means you have to leave by three at the latest," Gabby pointed out.

"Me? Oh, no! I'm not driving Whitney. That's Bridget's job," Harvey revealed.

"Me? No, no, no, I have to keep an eye on Sean."

"No, I'll take Sean in my SUV. I'm not spending two hours in the car with my little girl. Not after you turned into your mom on her. I'd suffer through endless complaints," Harvey stated, knowing from experience.

"But Sean's going to need someone to keep an eye on him."

"Newt can do that!" Harvey volunteered. The teen looked up from his tablet, agreeing with a shrug. "So that settles it. You can drive Whitney, Lacey, and Ramsey down."

He ignored the glare from his ex-girlfriend's younger sister.

"I'm fine with waiting a little longer to leave," Clive said. "Sitting around at the hotel while you ladies get your hair done doesn't sound all that entertaining."

"Then you can drive down with Jeff," Rachel pointed out.

"Uh, I need to leave early too," Finn chimed in. "I'm going to stop and see if my grandparents need any help."

"Cool. I'll go with you," Nate responded. "I bet they'll be surprised to see me."

"But Peyton and Lana will need to go with you, Aunt Rachel," Finn noted.

"Oh, that might cause an issue. I want JoJo to come with us," Gabby revealed. "We have some girl talk that needs to happen."

"And I don't want to hear Lana whining about a crowded backseat," Rachel said.

"Hey, I have an idea," Harvey said, snapping his fingers. "Finn, let the girls take your car. That way, you can do me a favor by driving my roadster back to town. Will that be okay?"

"Hell yeah!" Nate cheered.

"I was asking Finn."

"Yeah, that's fine, Uncle Harvey. I trust Peyton to drive my car."

Everyone seemed to be in agreement over the seating arrangements. Only one person felt left out.

"What car am I in?" Austin asked.

---

"--and there was that one time at that frat party. I swear you threatened me with a wooden paddle."

"No, I didn't. That was an empty paper towel roll," Peyton clarified. Then, glancing over her brother, she shushed Lana. "Keep it down. Sean's asleep."

"Ugh. About time. I don't know if I could go on any longer."

"Wait, you wanted him to fall asleep?"

"No, I wanted to sit in here and argue with you, Pey. Of course, I wanted him to fall asleep," Lana declared, throwing her arms up in exasperation.

"Why?"

"So you can fill me in on what you learned from Whitney while I search the room for more clues," Lana answered, already standing up.

"You are not searching the room," Peyton hissed, grabbing her friend's arm.

"Why not?"

"Because you're still my prime suspect, and I don't trust you. You might be looking to hide any more evidence that you left behind."

"Geez, we've been besties since our diaper days. You know me, Pey."

"And that's why I think it was you despite Whitney's claim that she was there when those panties were purchased."

"Whitney said that?! Holy shit! That means it's--"

"Crap!" Peyton slapped her forehead at revealing that tidbit.

"So which one bought them?"

"Whitney refused to tell us. So let it drop," Peyton ordered sternly and with a finger point. "If it was Lacey, then I bet you stole them. They look like something that you'd wear."

"No way! It can't be one of them. Lacey would never cheat, and Ramsey is a virgin," Lana stated as the possibilities ran through her mind. "Or is she? No one can be that much of a goody-goody. I bet Ramsey is secretly not a virgin and living a double life!"

"Keep it down!" Peyton hissed, motioning toward the pull-out bed. "You've known Rammy since she was a baby. Do you really think she's living your ideal fantasy life? Now let's get out of here. I don't want to be around if Sean starts having another weird dream."

"What weird dreams? I thought there was only one. Have you been keeping something from me, Peyton?"

"It's none of your business. Besides, we should probably take a nap too. I barely got any sleep last night."

"I did. Getting double-teamed knocks a gal right out. I slept like a baby. You should try it sometime."

"Wait a second. You complained earlier about getting woken up repeatedly by doors shutting," Peyton recalled, her eyes narrowing.

"Did I say that? I don't remember. Maybe I dreamed it." The redhead added a wink at the end. "Hey!"

"That's it. We're out of here," Peyton commanded, yanking on her friend's arm. Hearing a muttered agreement, the blonde walked to the door, only to gasp when she looked back. Lunging forward, Peyton pulled the blanket back down over her brother. "What are you doing?"

"Checking Seanie's merchandise," Lana replied. The ginger gave her BFF a look as if she blonde had suddenly grown two heads. "I mean, what if it was me last night. Maybe I've started sleepwalking, and I came straight in here for the closest cock."

"That last part does sound like you, but knock it off with the sleepwalking bit."

"But, Pey! I need to see what I might have ridden last night. I know that curiosity killed the cat," Lana whined, playing the victim.

"I also know who's going to kill this cat," the blonde growled.

"Don't worry. If Seanie's got a tiny dick, I swear that I won't ever tease him about it."

"Yeah, that's not his problem," Peyton mumbled.

"What was that?"

"Nothing."

"That didn't sound like nothing, Pey." Lana's eyes narrowed as she studied the one person she knew best in the world. When the slight blush came, the redhead gasped in shock. "You've seen it!"

"No, I haven't!"

"Don't lie to me. Tell me, tell me, tell me!"

"Would you quiet down?" Peyton whispered. Then with a heavy sigh, she gave in. "Alright, I saw it this morning--only for a second, I swear!"

"Was it small, big, or in the Goldilocks zone?"

"The what? Oh, my gawd. I can't believe this day so far," Peyton moaned, covering her face with her hands. "It was big."

"I can't hear you. You gotta speak up."

"I said it was big!"

"Whoa! For real?" Lana's head shot back and forth between Peyton's face and Sean's softly snoring body. Moving fast, she grabbed the blanket, but her BFF managed to push it down. "C'mon, Pey! I gotta see it. You saw it."

"And I'm scarred for life."

"It's that big? Seanie's got a monster cock?"

"What? No!" Peyton's shriek caused her brother to snort in his sleep.

"Geez, Pey, keep it down. You're going to wake him."

"Aargh!" Clenching her fists, the blonde used her head to gesture toward the door.

"If you won't let me see it, then you have to describe it."

"I'm not going to do that. Look, imagine if it was your brother."

"I don't have a brother, Peyton. Wow, it was so huge that it fried your brain?"

"Oh, shut it!" Peyton steadied her breathing. "Fine, imagine it was one of your cousins' dicks that you saw. For instance, what if it was Cormac's?"

"Cormac is hot. So I guess it'd turned into a kissing cousin situation if he was packing heat," Lana stated, making Peyton almost wonder if her best friend had already given thought to the scenario.

"Okay, how about if it was Justin's?"

"Well, I doubt Justin has a big dick. I bet he's such a prick because he's got a tiny dick," Lana rambled on. "Oh, but I guess under your scenario, I'd make him think it was huge. I figure if I made Justin my sex slave, then I could take over the family firm."

"Gawd, you are such a succubus-in-waiting."

"Aww, you see? You can say nice things about me," Lana cooed, giving Peyton a quick hug.

"I knew I should've chosen Amy Wadsworth as my best friend in kindergarten."

"That little homewrecker? Yeah, I showed her what happens when you try and steal my bestie, didn't I? Turned her into Amy Mudsworth."

"Whatever. Let's imagine if you had walked in and saw your dad's hard dick."

Lana's laughter cut off abruptly. Her body also stiffened.

"What is wrong with you? That's just sick, Peyton. Sick, I tell you," Lana pushed past her best friend, heading toward the door. "I don't bring up your dad's dick, do I?"

"You see? That's how I felt with Sean."

"You're talking about my father, Peyton. There is a big difference between him and your brother."

"Oh, don't be like that, Lan."

"I think I will take that nap. By myself!"

"Always the drama queen," Peyton muttered as Lana stormed down the hall.