Poorly. Very poorly.

The second the word “minion” leaves your mouth, Ratty’s face immediately goes dark, and she stops laughing. “I’m not a fucking minion, Milky. I’m especially not your minion. Was that your whole ‘plan’ all along, to get us to swear fealty to you or some dumb power-play shit like that? You wanna use us for your kicks? Fuck you.”

You’re taken aback. “Wait, no, it’s not—I didn’t even know—” Before you can get all the words out, she’s already out the door and down the hall. You rush after her, pleading for her to stop, but Ratty is out of sight in seconds.

Fuck… you return to the room dejected, and are surprised to find Jitter still there as well, although he hardly looks any happier than Ratty.

“Hey, uh… hey, it wasn’t like she said-” you say, trying to possibly salvage something of the situation, but Jitter cuts you off. “I don’t g-give a damn if you p-planned this, Milky. It’s how it turned out, isn’t i-t.”

You don’t know how to respond. This had all been something totally spur of the moment; you didn’t even know you were going to become a (micro)boss, much less that if the others were to join your faction they’d be… minions, but that’s what had happened. You just wanted to make things better for you and your friends…

Jitter takes your silence as the tacit agreement it is. “You’re a f-fucking asshole, Milky—you’re t-telling me you didn’t even know en-nough to f-figure out what would happ-pen to us? Things just f-fucking happened so that you could tell us to do your bidding? R-really?"

“There wasn’t time! I had no clue any of this would happen! I said I was winging it, and you followed anyway! Neither of you said anything!” you respond, sudden anger cutting into your voice. He stares at you, clearly thinking of a retort, but you go on with a more sad tone. “I just… when we were running, I remembered a little bit about the claim changes from the notes, and I thought maybe we could get away for a bit. I wasn’t expecting this to last, I just… wanted to eat another good meal again and share it with my friends, without dying and losing everything again. I didn't know it would make me the boss, I don't want to be some sort of authority over you, but... I don't know if there's any other way we can escape the sewer."

Jitter is quiet for a bit, seemingly chewing on your words. Then, he sighs. “Not like I can do anything else. If I try to leave, I’m d-dead anyways; I don’t remember th-the way out, there are t-too many damn s-s-ppiders in these caves for m-me to chance it, and even if I survive there’s that-t-t fucking nightmare woman out there looking for my h-head—also your f-fault…”

He trails off, seemingly wrestling with himself; you notice him looking at the door again a few times, and you hope desperately that he stays with you.. After a long silence—a lot longer than you’d like—he sighs again.

“S-send the d-damn invite already.”

You bite back an enormous sigh of relief. Pulling up his character sheet again, there it is.

Invite monster(s) into your lair as minion(s)?

[Felidae Guttersnipe]

Yes/No

You look at him to confirm, and Jitter nods curtly.

Upon selecting yes, a host of additional popups and information show up.

Error: Minion type for faction type [A0.0.5.5_faction_monpol_beggar_dynamic] undefined. Defaulting to standard customization template for [pol_dynamic]. %% Hey, if you can see this, something in the d-faction system fucked up. Pull the log and attach it to an email to Thomas and the alpha test leads, eh? Thanks a boodle—Kev

That one doesn’t seem to require anything on your part, but you’re left wondering what on earth it actually means.

Error: Name not registered. All minions of minion type [Follower (Dynamic)] must be named. Please input the desired name.

Again you type without even thinking.

Confirm name: Joska Andone

Yes/No

You hit yes. You know it—this is Jitter’s name, the name of the boy you’ve grown up with and known as long as you can remember. Why did you never think of it? Why did nobody use it? You try to remember what Ratty’s name is, and you can’t. She must have one—you realize now that everyone in that cavern had one, and they all poke at the back of your mind, but you can’t remember any of them.

That will have to be a question for another time. You keep wading through the popups, one by one.

Minion fame abilities unlocked!

Okay, interesting… closing this one brought up a list of various things you could spend your scant fame on. Almost all were grayed out as unavailable and some a darker gray, such as ‘Evolve Minion’; focusing on those options displayed “No applicable minions in your faction!” The ones that were available, though…

Assign Minion Role (5 Fame)

Designate Lieutenant (15 Fame)

Upgrade Minion Role (25 Fame)

Finally you get to the bottom of the stack of popups, skipping through the rest of them to read later, and close the window. Jitter is still staring at you.

“Well, I’m your-r m-minion now, I g-guess. I’m still m-m-mad at you, Mael. This is-”

He pauses, the sudden realization of what he called you sinking in. You surmise he has the same questions you did.

“I’m sorry, Joska." Jitter practically jumps when you say his real name. "I really am. I don’t… I hope this works out for everyone. You, me, Ratty, maybe even the others someday. Maybe we can build something better for ourselves here, live a real life for once... all of us together, not just me alone."

He mutters something, maybe affirmation, maybe doubt. You can’t say you blame him. You're not sure if you believe it could happen either, but you can at least try.