Opening the door.

It’s not that I didn’t want to see her, because I did. What made me hesitate was that I didn’t want to let her see me being so laughably pathetic. Someone had lashed out at me, and instead of defending myself or saying anything back, I completely panicked and ran away. Not an awe-inspiring reaction.

Sarah knocked on the door again, the sound barely audible.

I bit hard on my lip, stood up and unlocked the door before stepping away. Sarah came in and locked the door behind her. I had my back to her, still too afraid to let her see my stupid face. But if that had been it, I wouldn’t have let her in.

“I…! I’m sorry. I sh-shouldn’t have…”

I heard her heavy steps before I felt her hands on my shoulders. She aggressively turned me around and held my head with a hand on each side. She stared at me right in the eyes and said, “Don’t you dare apologize.”

With a half-opened mouth and confused, blinking eyes, I could only stare in confusion.

“You literally did nothing wrong back there. That was all Mark being an idiot and an asshole. So don’t you dare apologize for something you haven’t done. That’s what a pushover does.”

“But I…”

Sarah sighed and let go of my face. “Mark was an asshole, but this is kind of a misunderstanding. You know why he snapped at you?”

I nodded. “B-Because I can’t speak properly.”

“Wrong. It’s because he doesn’t believe there’s nothing between you and Mila, and on top of that has a thing for Amanda, the girl who started flirting with you.”

“Ah?”

“You ARE handsome, Oliver, so it’s no wonder Amanda started flirting. Mark panicked and got mad for some reason and said the most hurtful things he could think of. Not quite the best way to make a girl you like get a good impression of you, don’t you think? He got too aggressive, so it’s possible he might have been bottling those feelings up for some time.”

“…” My chest felt a little lighter hearing that, but even so… “He still wasn’t wrong. Sarah, I… I can’t have a p-proper conversation, I creep people out, and even you’ve said I’m frustrating to talk to. I’m… pathetic. Y-You guys shouldn’t be hanging out with me.”

Sarah scowled at me and crossed her arms. “Hearing you say it pisses me off, you know?”

I flinched, but nodded. I could definitely understand that hearing someone talk themselves down was annoying. I should’ve kept quiet. Dammit.

Sarah sighed. “It would be pretty easy to turn back and leave, you know? It would’ve been even easier to not come here at all and leave you alone. I’d be saving myself a million problems.”

I nodded again, feeling the lump in my throat grow.

“But answer me this. Are you happy with the person you are now?”

The question was like a slap in the face. It made my eyes well up, but I did my best to push the tears back. “I’m not.”

“Then I’m staying.”

“…Why?”

“Because I damn want to. Because turning a blind eye would be easy but I don’t do that. Hell, maybe it really does run in the family, I don’t know.” Sarah held her forehead and shook her head as she said that. “Forget that. My point is that we all come with some baggage, Oliver. You don’t go around meeting people until you find someone flawless and decide they’ll be your friend. We like you. We told you that. So if you want to try and get over your anxiety, then I can and want to be here helping you do that.” I think she noticed something in my eyes or maybe my body language and guessed that I was still hesitant to accept her help. I felt I didn’t deserve it. She grunted loudly.

“Okay fine! Let me put it like this so you can trust me. You are amazing in bed, Oliver. I just can’t get you out of my head. The kissing, the groping, the fingering, the sex. It’s fucking amazing, and I want to keep doing it. Can you accept that as my reason for wanting to stay with you?”

She was blunt, but she knew exactly what she was doing. I wouldn’t learn about this until later, but Sarah knew that sometimes agreeing with a person’s insecurities can have a more positive effect than trying to deny them. In confirming my belief that Sarah only wanted me for the sex, she was earning my trust. After all, it was easier to believe that than it was to believe she somehow had deeper feelings for me.

I swallowed. “So you’re saying that… So long as I keep having sex with you, you’ll…”

“Help you with your social anxiety, yes,” Sarah said. “That’ll be our deal. And of course, I’m not asking you to stop doing it with Mila and Grace. So? What do you say?”

My shoulders dropped and my body relaxed, if only somewhat. “You’re not leaving me a choice. The deal seems stacked in my favor.”

She smirked. “You say that, but I’m going to be asking for it more than before.”

I let out a soft chuckle. I was still a little shaken, but talking to Sarah was really helping, bit by bit. And then I realized I WAS talking to Sarah. Why? Why didn’t I feel as scared of her as I did of other people? I smiled. “This is hard to believe, you know? I haven’t done anything to deserve this.”

Sarah walked up to me and lightly flicked my forehead. “It’s not about deserving things, Oliver. I’m not somehow above you just because I can talk to people without issue. It’s not like the others and I are honoring you by allowing you to be friends with us. We like being with you, you like being with us. There’s no science there. That’s all we need. And when it comes to… attraction, well, it’s the same. You’re handsome, Oliver. I told you you’re just my type. Do you… like me? Do you think I’m attractive?”

I swallowed, but nodded my burning head. “Very. I… I even like just looking at you.”

Sarah smiled. “See? It’s the same for me.” She wrapped her arms around my neck and pushed her chest close to me. “And thanks to our little deal, we can do more than just look, right?”

I closed my eyes and pressed my forehead against hers as I hugged her, remaining quiet for a moment to calm myself down. “You’ve explained it like five times already, and it’s not like I don’t believe you, but this is still more than my brain can handle. Even so, I… I want your help, Sarah. I want to change. I want to stop being so afraid of people.”

“Not like I blame you. There’s lots of assholes out there,” she told me, now speaking softly. “But if we're always afraid, we’ll never meet new people. And there’s always a chance that new someone could end up being very special. Right?”

“Right.”

I dared to go in for a kiss, and Sarah reciprocated by putting her hand behind my head and pulling me deeper in. The tips of our tongues met outside our mouths. We made out quietly and calmly, holding each other close. I didn’t think it was the appropriate response to that situation, but given how… physical things were between us, it felt like the right response for us.

“Hey,” she spoke. “I know I said I’d be asking for more dirty stuff, but I’d like to wait until Sunday to go beyond kisses again. Then we can go wild. What do you say?”

“If that’s what you want, I don’t mind.”

Sarah grinned. “I honestly want to have you right now, but I kind of like this waiting game.”

I chuckled. I wanted to do it with her as well, but there was still something bothering me.

“W-What should I do when I go back to the classroom?”

“Ignore everyone. I came here while Grace was taking care of Mark. She was MAD, and you haven’t seen her when she’s mad. Grace can be fucking brutal. If she doesn’t already have some dirt on someone, she’ll find some and exploit it. It’s why she’s labeled a problem student despite her grades. If Mark doesn’t apologize to you the moment you enter the classroom, I’ll be surprised.”

Right. The rumors about them had to start somewhere.

…

I wouldn’t speculate. If she wasn’t uncomfortable talking about it, I’d ask Grace more about it on Saturday. And I’d ask Sarah about the tennis club incident on Sunday.

But I’d focus on that when the time came. Now I had to psych myself up for what was to come.

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