On supporting each other and oneself.

The moment I went down for dinner, the first thing I did was apologize to everyone. My behaviour came out of nowhere for them and it clearly worried them.

“I’m really sorry,” I told them in the kitchen. “I acted like a child. I know better than that, but I just couldn’t… I’m sorry. You too, Grace. I shouldn’t have answered like that.”

“Pfff,” Grace chuckled and shrugged. “If everyone answered like you did when upset, they’d avoid a lot of arguments. It’s fine, love, really.” She came up to me and gave me a hug. “And to be honest… I’m a little jealous.”

“Jealous?”

She nodded against my shoulder. “I can’t see myself getting frustrated at feeling… not good enough at something. I don’t really have a thing I care about as much as you care about music. I think that’s why I didn’t understand it despite feeling what you felt.”

“Maybe… Maybe we should stop that link,” I said. “I need to learn how to deal with these mood swings and I don’t want to burden you with my dumb bullshit.”

Grace looked at me with a face of both horror and disgust, and just a moment later I was barraged with a volley of napkin balls from all sides. The girls REALLY didn’t like that, as they were looking at me with deep scowls.

“I… I take that back,” I said sheepishly.

“You better,” Mila said.

“You’re not the only one whose mood suddenly drops, and you’ve never once complained when it happens to us,” Alice said. “Why would you think it’s a burden?”

Sarah sighed loudly. “I remember a friend once telling me that when her boyfriend shared his insecurities with her it gave her ‘the ick.’”

Noelle winced. “Oh, God…”

Mila couldn’t help herself, but even if she hadn’t looked towards Grace, I still would’ve noticed. Grace flinched and turned her eyes away from me with a nervous smile.

“I… remember that, too,” Alice said.

“I was sixteen, okay!?” Grace said, defending herself, her face quickly reddening.

“I was trying to keep you anonymous, but I guess it was pointless,” Sarah said. “Still, I’m not trying to point fingers. What I really want to say is that Oliver is not exactly wrong in being worried about ‘burdening’ us with his insecurities. You’ve seen it happen before, haven’t you? A girl wants her boyfriend to share his feelings, but when he does she doesn’t know how to react, she thinks it’s weird and things are never the same after that. But here’s the thing: even though I think what Grace did back then was… kind of awful…” Grace winced. “It’s also not entirely her fault. That was a surface-level relationship. They’d been dating for two months, Grace didn’t really understand what she was asking and her boyfriend practically trauma-dumped on her. She wasn’t a therapist, so of course she didn’t know how to deal with that.”

I looked at Grace with a raised eyebrow. “What did you do to the guy?”

“Nothing!” Grace said. “I just… looked at him weird, said ‘there, there,’ and things got really awkward after that because he now had baggage I didn’t know how to handle… nor wanted to deal with.”

“Again, I’m not blaming her for it,” Sarah said. “I just wanted to use that as an example. That relationship wasn’t strong enough nor the people in it mature enough to endure the rough aspects of a deeper relationship.”

“Sheesh. One psychology class and you’re already an expert?” Mila teased.

“Hah. I wish! This is what I got from talking with my dad about it.”

Grace’s red face reddened further. “You told your dad about it!?”

“I never mentioned your name. I was just curious what he would say about it. Anyway, I think I made my point clear, right?”

“That our relationship IS strong enough for us to endure the rough aspects of deeper relationships?” Alice asked to confirm.

“Yeah.”

Noelle nodded. “I… think I see it. What we have is… really fun. From the sex to just hanging out together. But when I have my problems… You’re all there for me immediately. I’ve felt bad about it, but when I think of you having your own issues… I want to be there to help, too. It’s not offputting.”

“There you go!” Mila said, clapping her hands once. “You have to deal with us and we have to deal with you! When it’s time to have fun, we’ll go all out. Let’s play, laugh and have our orgies! And when one of us feels down, we’ll all be there to help! I know it’s easier said than done, but haven’t we been doing that already? I still think back to when we talked in your room about what I should do after graduation, Oliver. That was important to me. You really think I’m going to be mad at you for having your own worries?”

I sighed with a faint groan. “Look, I understand all that, really. Doesn’t change the fact I have to learn to manage my emotions better. For myself if nothing else.”

“Well, yeah,” Sarah said as if it was obvious. “That’s true for you and all of us. We still have a lot of growing up to do. Just don’t take it too seriously, okay? And also… I suppose it’s true that we’ve been pushy with you from the beginning. If you need space, just say so.”

“Thank you. I will.”

The atmosphere cleared after that, and it showed that despite the connection we had, talking things out was still important. It’s awkward and difficult, but avoiding it would definitely damage us in the long run.

Patreon.