Objection!

“HOLD IT! HOLD YER HORSES!” Texas shouted, “Y-you get away from her!”

Jacks cocked an eyebrow, “What? I was just–”

“Just water! Nothin else! C-can’t risk cheatin,” Texas groaned, her voice strained and her speech choppy as she tried to spit out the words. “G-goin now, git!”

Jacks rolled her eyes, but she did as she was told. Good thing too, because Texas wasn’t sure how much more of an argument she could’ve put up. She needed to use all her effort to keep breathing, and even that was strained with the stench of her opponent’s armpits searing her sinuses. She wasn’t sure just how long she could hold on, but salvation was about to come from an unlikely place.

The Fake Texas, meanwhile was barely concerned with the weight she was holding over her head. Frankly she could do this all day, but she was getting really sweaty. She wished that dumb sheriff hadn’t gone and scared that cute little bunny away, she could use someone sponge the sweat outta her pits. It was startin to get itchy…

“Eh, I could sneak a quick one while nobody’s lookin’...”

As casually as she could (As if she wasn’t currently on display in front of everyone) the Fake reached down with one hand and scratched her armpit while her tongue lolled out in bliss. She then took a second to sniff her own fingers and it was about then that she realized that her weight was beyond the tipping point!

“W-wowah, hol’ on I got it!” The Fake tried to right herself, but it was too late!

Texas knew when to get out when the gettin was good! She thought briefly about throwing the load but… not only would that be putting the sisters’s big fat butts in danger but she’d be throwing around a bunch of stones! In fact she had to keep those stones from hitting the audience!

“Th’ things I do for this town…”

Texas scuttled into action, shuffling back and forth like a crab! She caught the falling stones (or more rather Jesse and Jane did) before they got anywhere near the audience, dropped the table to one side and then quickly ducked out of the way before Butterscotch came crashing down. All in all it was part heroic deed and part circus act, and if Texas had to say so herself she thought that went a long way towards proving–

“A draw!” Mayor Vivian called out, “It’s just too close to call!”

“Hhwat.” Texas was dumbfounded, “Are you KIDDING me? After I just did that? I saved everyone here, even these ungrateful pigs!”

“Landing kinda hurt by the way,” Added in Jane, “And you shook us around too m–”

“SHUT it, you!” Texas said, then turned to Vivian, “How in tarnation did I not win?”

Vivan blushed, “Wellll y’see, the contest wasn’t FOR that, and you both dropped the stones, so of course that means–”

“I dropped MINE because she dropped hers ON me!” Texas had a twitch in her eyes now, “listen here you yella-bellied–AAAH!”

“WELL GOOD NEWS!” Vivian cut her off by shouting at her directly through her bullhorn, “We’ve got another trial we can prove which one of you is the real Texas with. Annabelle! If you’d be so kind as to bring out the tables and the tankards!”

Texas wanted to throttle Vivian, but the fact was if this next trial involved drinking it was just what she needed to ease her throbbing brain. Sure enough Annabelle came out with a table under her arm and a sack over her shoulder. She set up the table then emptied the sack out to reveal two fine crystal shotglasses and an oaken cask. The brew looked old, real old. This wasn’t the sudsy swill she pickled the townsfolk with.

“Silver Slug Shine!” Vivian said, “This is a favorite of the Stanton family, and known for being hard enough to punch a hole in an oil pan. After the feat of strength there was still some doubt that remained, so Sheriff’ Carolina took the imposter to the tables and went round for round with her. After six shots, she was the only one in the bar left standing (or teetering) at the end. It’s time to test yer tolerance, ladies! Now pour them shots!”

Now THIS was a test Texas could handle. At least that’s what she’d thought, because the moment that cork popped off and a slug of that shine trickled into the glass, the smell overtook her. She had a flashback to her younger days as a bratty little kit, trying to imitate her mother. She’d remembered breaking into the liquor cabinet to try Mama’s special sauce, and she remembered what her Mom did to her when she was caught: she let Texas have a gulp. She was sick all day and night, and it smelled every bit as strong as it did back then.

This was serious booze.

She could practically see the fumes distorting the air as she raised it up. Both she and the Faker held their glasses up, staring into each other’s eyes. The first shot was always the hardest.

“DRAW!”

Vivian gave the call and both girls downed their shots and turned their glasses. The glass hit the table in unison and BOTH girls struggled to stay on their feet. Texas could feel it trying to crawl back up her throat, and judging from the way that the Faker was sweating so she was she. She was doubled over, one hand on the table and the other on her knee, while the faker had planted her forehead directly on the table. Texas pulled herself up and shivered. Her opponent did the same. First shot’s always the hardest.

Annabelle refilled their glasses and both raised their shots up.

“DRAW!”

Second shot was even harder. And the third shot was when she started to notice her hands were shaking as she held up her fourth shot. Truth was she was already shaking after the second shot, but her vision was too blurry to notice minor tremors until they were much more major. Both she and the Fake Texas were struggling to keep their bodys from swaying over as they held up their fifth shot. This was going to be it, she couldn’t keep going.

DRAW!

Another shot down and Texas was losing her grip. It felt like the individual shots were working together now, forming a ladder to climb up her gullet and they’d already reached the back of her tongue. She slammed the glass down and nearly went down with it. She was holding herself up with both hands on the table and so was her foe. The fake Texas, whose breath was absolutely toxic at this close of a range, suddenly looked a lot greener in the gills. Her cheeks puffed out and for a second Texas thought she was about to get a faceful of weasel vomit. And honestly, that might’ve been better than what she got:

BOOOUUUURRRRRRRRRPPPP!

Texas thought the Fake’s breath stunk before, but this was on a whole new level. If the high concentration of liquor in her veins hadn’t dulled her senses the stench would’ve probably made her white out, and it was still pretty horrific even with her brain running on low power mode. There was also the sheer amount of rancid spittle flung in her face to which she could only be happy her mouth wasn’t open. Once again, the amount of booze in her blood certainly helped dull the humiliation. That, and she knew that her foe–

THUD.

Was out! As her belch sputtered to a stop, the Fake Texas had slipped and knocked her chin on the table, collapsing in a drunken heap. Texas raised her shot glass in the air and slurred out a warbly,

“Yeeeeeehawww! I wahhn! Ahm th’ real shhhherf!”

“Welllll actually,” Vivian (a voice Texas was VERY sick of hearing) leaned in close to Texas and said, “You’ve got to take ONE more shot just to make sure. See both of you had five shots so you didn’t drink MORE and keep standing. Shouldn’t be a problem, right?”

Texas gulped. Annabelle leaned over and smiled wide as she poured, and kept pouring till it spilled over on Texas’s hand. The smell was thick and cloying. Texas was suddenly feeling like a little kid again, tummyache and all. Could she really do it?