Noticing a Few Changes at Work

I pull into the parking lot for the Morning Bean. As you may have guessed by the name, it's a local coffee shop in town that I've been working at for around five years. Having constant access to caffeine has been pretty much the only way I've been able to work a job lately, but it also meant being late was a pretty big deal. People NEED their coffee first thing in the morning, so I'm not at all surprised to see a line out the door when I finally arrive.

I get a few dirty looks as I push through the people standing in the doorway to see the entire lobby packed with people. I don't think I've ever seen it this busy.

It's a small place with the counter, coffee equipment, and bakery taking up most of the available floor space. There are a few tables where people can chat and hang out if they have time, which are currently surrounded by people who have already ordered but are still waiting for their drinks.

My boss, Jimmy, notices me come in "Renee! Oh thank god you are here. Where the hell were you?" He is an older man. Probably in his mid 40s. Trim and in good shape, but otherwise pretty plain as far as guys go.

"Sorry, sorry. I don't know what happened. I just lost track of time, I guess." I try to explain over the sound of people chatting among themselves, but it is difficult to hear.

I push my way behind the counter. People seem to have gotten with the program that I work here. I do use that privilege to start making myself a drink.

"What are you doing?"

"Uh, just making my usual. It will just be a sec."

"We don't have time for that!" He raises his voice over the crowd, "Look at the store right now! It's just you and me this morning. "

"I thought Yvette was supposed to work today."

"She called in sick."

Of course. Well, maybe I don't get the privilege today.

"Just handle the register. I'll make your drink once the line dies down."

I definitely feel like I need the coffee right now, but I don't argue. I put on my best customer service face and head to the register to begin taking orders.

"Hi! Welcome to the Morning Bean. What can I get started for ya?" I state in the bubbliest tone I can manage.

Despite apparently sleeping like a rock, I still feel exhausted. That couch is on its third home at this point and the cushions are basically pancakes. I can still feel its wooden frame digging into my spine.

The faster I get through this line, the faster Jim can make my order and hopefully at least ward off the brain fog.

I take a few orders and then turn around to help make drinks. Jimmy and I end up alternating taking orders and serving drinks throughout the morning. Trying our best to keep the line moving. The work flow is invigorating at least. Shifts with Jimmy are usually easier than with anyone else. He's the owner and a fair bit older than most of the other people who work here, so he has a lot more of an investment in keeping this place profitable than the average teenager looking for a summer job. We wordlessly work through several orders at a time, barely saying more to each other than what to make next. I occasionally find myself thinking about that show, but I don't have much time to focus before having to memorize another order.

The line finally starts to die down as we slip from late morning to early afternoon. The regular people have to start getting to their jobs and the stragglers are mostly college students stopping by between morning classes or people with less conventional work schedules.

I finish making one last drink before turning to apologize to Jimmy.

"Hey, so sorry again for being so late. I promise it won't happen again."

"Renee, I'm really, really sick of hearing that. I get that most of the time other people can pick up the slack, but I need you on time if you want to keep working here." His voice is firm but with clear exasperation.

"I know, but today was different! I -"

"Please just save it! I don't care about the excuses!" He raises his voice again, but this time in a way that is clearly out of frustration. The chatter in the coffee shop silences for a moment as I feel a dozen eyes looking at us.

I feel tears well up. We have had this type of conversation a few times recently. Even though I've barely been sleeping it still has been hard to get myself out of bed. I can't think of anything else to say, so I just stand still. Trying not to cry as I wait for him to say anything else.

"Look," he breaks the silence. "You are one of our best workers when you are actually here. I really don't want to fire you...but if you keep missing the busiest part of the shift, you are going to leave me ****, Renee. Do you understand?"

His voice is comforting and almost paternal. I wipe my eyes and nod in response. I had to keep it together. "I swear, I'll be better. Here! I'll set my alarm right now! And then another one before that!" I reach for my pocket, but...

"Shit!" Where was my phone? It wasn't in my pockets. Did I leave it in the car? Did I drop it somewhere? I can't even remember using it today.

"It's fine." Jimmy interrupts my panicked patting, "you don't need to show me. Just do better, okay?"

"Okay. I will do better."

"Great. Now I said, I would make your drink. Triple shot mocha latte, right?"

"Yeah...thanks." I say appreciatively. I could still feel the tears burning on my face. I must look like a complete mess. "Do you mind if I go to the bathroom?"

"Yeah, go ahead. I can handle it."

"Thanks!"

We don't have an employee bathroom or anything. Just a couple private unisex bathrooms in the back of the shop that both customers and staff can use.

I go in, turn on the sink and splash some water on my face. I decided to just take a breather for a second. It's been a super hectic morning and I don't feel like I've really gotten the chance to process any of it.

I turn the water up as hot as it will go, causing steam to rise up from the sink and fog up the mirror. The heat is invigorating. I feel my pores opening up as my face flushes red from the humidity surrounding me. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. My shoulders loosen up and relax as I feel my body temperature rise. I don't know why I felt I needed this, but I did. Maybe it was the dream. I was really enjoying that bath. Maybe that's all it was about. I needed to take better care of myself.

I bask the warm comfortable steam for a few more minutes before realizing I probably needed to get back to work. I did actually need to use the bathroom, so I better go ahead and finish up. I turn off the water and the steam begins to dissipate.

I don't know that anyone else would be able to tell, but as the steam fades, I feel a different person staring back at me. Like looking at a long lost twin. I don't know that anyone else would be able to tell, but my face looks different than it did yesterday. My eyes are darker. Previously medium brown they now completely envelop my pupil. Like a black pit in the center of my eye. My cheeks are fuller. More youthful. Despite not having time to put on makeup this morning, my lips are glossy and plump. Reflecting little stands of light shining from the ceiling. It's mesmerizing.

Even my boobs seemed bigger. I didn't exactly have a small chest before, but I feel like I've gone up a full cup size. The same green polo I've worn everyday since I started working here all of a sudden feels drab and constrictive. Seeing it in the mirror feels wrong. I feel the strap of my bra digging into my back, unnaturally. It wasn't right for me to be wearing it. It almost feels hard to breath the way it wraps around my torso. My hands start to move on their own, gripping the bottom of my shirt and lifting it up over my -

*bang* *bang* *bang* "Hey! Are you okay in there?"

I snap back to reality, "Yeah! Just a second" I respond! I drop my shirt and open the door.

"Hey are you doing alright? You aren't feeling sick are you?"

"No, no I'm fine, I think. Just taking a breather" I reply, trying to act normal as if I wasn't just thinking of stripping naked in the bathroom.

"Okay, then... I left your drink by the espresso machine. I'm gonna take a smoke. Can you handle the front for a bit?"

"Yeah, I should be fine. Thanks."

I go back to taking orders and making drinks.

The rest of the shift goes by pretty uneventfully. A small handful of customers come in, but nothing else really happens. I stay a little longer to help close up, then drive straight home at the end of the day.