No matter how much I mess up, you will always love me

It took Rose a second to process what had happened. She’d been standing on the stage, she’d picked up her gun, and then Dakota had transported her, just like she had with everyone else.

That very same gun was still in her hand, and it was as cold as ice.

She shivered.

Rose wasn’t a fool. She knew the moment Dakota explained how the challenge worked, what she would have to face.

Transporting them to earth? In order to transform a specific target? Knowing Dakota’s sadistic nature, there was only one person she would choose.

The fact that she was standing in front of a dressing room with a star on the door that read “Beausoleil” confirmed her suspicions.

“Chrys…” She whimpered, blinking away her tears. Her hand trembled. Dakota had probably sent her to the future. She said something about time travel, didn’t she? She probably brought her to the peak of her brother’s career, and now it was going to be her job to ruin it.

She couldn’t do it. How could she transform her brother? She knew that if she didn’t, she would immediately lose. And she might get voted off.

But honestly… she was fine with that.

Rose had sacrificed everything for her brother, to get this far. She could sacrifice a little more. Even if it meant… sacrificing her love.

“…Huh?”

Her cheeks were wet. She was crying.

“N-no,” she quickly wiped her eyes on her sleeve. She’d worn her best dress for this occasion, a beautiful blue gown, because she wanted to look her best for the challenge. It clung to her like a second skin thanks to her boon, and she’d had to wear a very reinforced bra just to keep her nipples from showing. She’d fought hard to look her best in this outfit, and now she had some smudged makeup on it. But why would she care about that?

Why should she care about anything at this point?

But Rose wasn’t one who would give up. “I have to choose now,” she realized, clenching her jaw. “Between my feelings for Nick… and between my brother.” They were the two men she loved most in this world.

Then she looked down at the gun in her hand, and realized that she was already making a choice right this very minute.

That’s right… if I press this button right here, then it’s over, she thought, fingering the button on the back of her gun. I won’t have to transform Chrys… I can just surrender, and lose. And even if I lost… it’s not like I’m definitely going to be eliminated, right? After everything I’ve done for everyone, someone would definitely pick me to be their buddy, right?

It was a gamble, but a decent one. The choice she could make that had the greatest chance of avoiding any downsides. If she was a little lucky, she could get away without transforming Chrys or losing Nick.

But she hadn’t pressed the button yet. There was a reason for that.

It’s not as easy of a choice as I’m making it out to be, is it? She bit her lip and glanced back up at the star on the door.

Finally, she gathered up her courage. Whatever her eventual choice, she wouldn’t make it without at least seeing her brother. Talking to him. Getting to know the new him.

It had been so long since she had seen Chrys… she wanted to see him again desperately.

Sucking in air, she knocked on the door.

“Come in,” a muffled voice said from inside. She opened the door and stepped inside, and what she saw froze her in place.

Her brain stopped working for a moment.

“Oh? Hello there. You’re not the PA. What can I do for you?”

Sitting in front of the mirror, just finish up her makeup, was a gorgeous blonde in a long red dress. She had long, curly hair that cascaded down her back in a river of gold. Her blue eyes shimmered with youthful exuberance, but hid a glimmer of wisdom deep in their watery depths. Her body was mature and developed, and with the shimmering glow around her, she was the prettiest woman Rose had ever seen.

And she never thought she would see her again.

“M-maman…” Rose was too shocked to even cry.

“Oh?” The woman raised her eyebrow in surprise. She wasn’t sure she heard that correctly. “Excuse me?”

“Ah…” Rose switched to speaking in French. “I-I meant… you’re Madelyn Sunlight, isn’t that right?”

“Yes, that would be my name,” the woman laughed out her “oui” in a sensual lilt. “I take it from your stunned reaction, you’re a fan of mine?”

“Eerrr, uh…” That didn’t even begin to cover it. Rose was probably the biggest fan of Madelyn Sunlight to ever exist.

After all… she was her maman.

“Has a kitten caught your tongue?” Madelyn laughed. She beckoned Rose over, and the starstruck actress quickly rushed to her side.

Rose was amazed. She was so young, so vibrant, nothing at all like the mature beauty she always idealized her mother as.

“I-it’s just… it’s an honor to meet you, miss,” Rose stammered, fighting back her tears. She didn’t know how it was possible that she’d been brought back in time like this… how or why Dakota would do something as sweet as letting her meet her maman again.

Madelyn just laughed. “Well, you know me, of course. But this is the first time we’ve met. Could you do me a favor and tell me your name?” She turned her chair to face Rose, and rested her chin in her hands, wearing a playful smile on her face. Rose saw so much of herself in her mother, from the way she carried herself, to the sound of her laughter… things she was seeing for the first time, now that they were so close to the same age.

“I, my name is R… M-Mary,” she stammered out, coughing. She had thrown out a fake name at the last moment. Judging by Madelyn’s age, Rose would have already been born at this point.

“Mary… that’s a cute name,” Madelyn tittered. “My daughter’s name is Rosemary, actually, and she’s just the sweetest thing ever…”

Her voice drifted off as she stared intently at Rose’s chest.

“This necklace… it looks just like the one I gave my daughter, when she was a baby,” Madelyn said with a whimsical tone in her voice. “…May I?”

“O-oh! Yes, of course!” Rose quickly took off the necklace and handed it to her mother, who inspected it carefully.

Then she smiled and handed it back. “It’s a nice necklace. Here you are. Now then, Miss Mary, how may I help you? And tell me, what is that garish prop in your hand?”

“P-prop?” Rose blinked, confused. Then she felt the weight in her palm, and gasped. “Ah!”

She was still holding the gun.

“I don’t believe it’s something that we’d have much use for in the current film,” Madelyn continued. “Is it for one of those science-fiction movies? I hear the ones with aliens are causing quite a stir across the pond.”

“Err, yeah, something like that,” Rose said, hiding it behind her back. Out of sight, out of mind, at least that was the thinking.

Yeah, fat chance.

The gun made everything real again.

She wasn’t here to catch up with her long-lost maman. She was here to give her a transformation. Something indecent and humiliating, to make the audience pleased.

But she couldn’t do that. Not to her maman. Not even if it meant elimination. But the gun burned insistently in her hand, reminding her of what she stood to lose. She couldn’t afford not to.

“Is everything alright?” Madelyn furrowed her brow and frowned. “You don’t seem to be well, Miss Mary.”

“J-just Mary is fine,” Rose stammered out. “And it’s nothing, really! I’m just… you know, thinking about some things.”

“Ah.” Madelyn raised a curious eyebrow and stroked her chin. “And tell me, these things… do they involve men, perchance?”

“Wh-what?”

The starlet shrugged her shoulders. “In my experience, when it comes to a young woman’s issues, a young man is usually involved. …Or a not-so-young one…” Madelyn made a pained expression for a moment that just about tore Rose’s heart in two.

Then she brightened again and laughed an airy, warm laugh that Rose remembered from her childhood. A laugh she thought she’d only hear again on the screen.

“I have a bit of time before the next shoot. If you’d like, I could hear you out about your issue. That is, if you don’t have to be anywhere, of course.”

Rose was stunned. “You… you’d do that? But we just met… you don’t even know me!” Not to mention, Rose had just snuck backstage, technically.

Madelyn scoffed. She even did that gorgeously. “That’s true,” she admitted. “But still… there’s something about you I just can’t place. You feel so familiar… as if I’ve known you forever. Is that odd? I suppose it sounds odd,” she tittered.

“A-a little odd,” Rose agreed.

“Still, as one actress to another, I’m happy to lend you whatever advice I can,” the young celebrity said with a wink. “Not to mention, we look so alike. It must be fate, don’t you agree? We could almost be sisters!”

Sisters, right, Rose nodded. Or parent and child.

“So what aches such a lovely face as yours?” Madelyn asked, gently caressing Rose’s cheek with a tenderness only a loving mother could have.

Rose nearly burst out crying. But she couldn’t. No matter how much she wanted to seek out comfort in her maman’s arms, she didn’t want to embarrass herself, either. She wanted her maman to be proud of the woman she’d become- even if she didn’t know who she was.

“You were right,” she admitted with a sigh, sitting down across from Madelyn. “It does involve a man?”

“A man you’re involved with? Or one you would like to be involved with?” Madelyn inquired.

It was a little bit of both, actually.

“I-I love him,” Rose declared. “But…” He has a wife. “…He has feelings for another woman.”

“…Oh. Oh, I see,” Madelyn said quietly, nodding slightly. Her tone was sympathetic but her expression was very controlled, in a way only an actress could manage.

“I’ve done so much for him, and when we’re together, I can see the happiness in his eyes…” Rose thought fondly on Nick, feeling her heart ache at the thought of never seeing him again. “But sometimes, I’m afraid… is he thinking of her? Would he rather be with her, instead of with me?”

“This other woman, this rival of yours, tell me about her,” Madelyn urged.

“She’s beautiful,” Rose murmured. “…Well, not as beautiful as me, but it’s a more… homely type of beauty. What’s the saying? I’m the woman he fucks, but she is the one he wishes to marry?” Has already married.

Madelyn stared at Rose with an open mouth, and Rose gasped.

“Ah-!” She slapped her hand over her own mouth, aghast at what she’d just said in front of her own mother. “P-please, pardon my vulgar language! I-it’s unbecoming of me…” Her face burned with shame and humiliation, and she was almost tempted to press the button on her gun then and there to end this whole horrible affair.

Then, Madelyn did something Rose never would have expected.

She laughed.

“You are quite a candid one, aren’t you?” She chuckled, shaking her head. “Us modern girls tend more towards profanity, I suppose.”

Now it was Rose’s turn to be shocked. “Wh-what? You-? Profanity?”

“Well, certainly not in public!” Madelyn smirked. “I have an image to maintain, after all. You’ve seen the roles I star in, haven’t you?”

“Yes! All of them!” Rose exclaimed.

“Then you should know, my style of acting focuses on sensuality and seductiveness. Vulgarity and profanity are anathema to my image.”

She shrugged. “And yet, giving birth to two children out of wedlock did little to damage my reputation, if you can believe that.”

Rose nodded. Madelyn had been working right up until the day she died. Even after she contracted her illness, she was still trying her best to support her family.

“Of course…” Shadows crossed the starlet’s face. “…When it comes to my parents… and my children… what I can do for them… no, never mind,” she quickly dismissed the topic with a wave of her hand. “It’s not important. We were talking about you, were we not? Not my failings as a mother.”

“Failings?!” Rose nearly fell out of her seat. “What… what makes you think that?!” She cried.

Madelyn looked at her, confused. “I-I just meant…”

“Listen, Madelyn, I-I haven’t seen you being a parent or anything, but I don’t think you’re a failure!” Rose exclaimed. “I’m sure they love you dearly!”

Madelyn squirmed in her seat and frowned. For a moment, Rose was terrified she’d crossed the line, and her mother would have her thrown out of the dressing room.

Instead, she sighed. “Even if that is the case… my children… I can only do much for them. You’re not a mother yourself, so you wouldn’t know, but when you have a child, they become your entire world.”

Rose’s heart wept at the love reflected in Madelyn’s crystal blue eyes. The starlet smiled whimsically as her gaze turned to glass, no-doubt reminiscing about her children at this very moment.

A few moments later, she returned to the present and quickly sat up straight.

“I’m sorry, I was too busy thinking about myself,” she apologized. “We were talking about you and this friend of yours, were we not? And this nice, lovely lady that’s the ‘marrying sort’ as it were?”

“R-right,” Rose nodded, returning to the topic at hand. She’d gotten so caught up in her mother’ warmth that she’d nearly forgotten. “So this girl, she really loves him. She’s head over heels. She’d do anything to make him happy, I don’t doubt that for a second.”

That’s the worst part.

“As for me… I don’t know if I could do the same…” Rose started to tear up. So much for maintaining her composure in Madelyn’s presence. “I just know… I just know… that she would sacrifice anything, pay any price, if it meant Nick’s happiness…” Her words stung her throat. She hugged her knees to her chest and sobbed, uncaring about her smeared makeup or her ruined dress.

“Mary…” Madelyn said sympathetically, but that only made it hurt so much worse. Rose fought back another sob, unable to even look at her mother.

“I’ve never been in love before…” The blonde admitted. “I’ve played roles where I’ve loved, but until I met Nick, I never thought I ever would. I thought it was just my brother and I against the world… but now… now I have a choice. I can choose to fight for him… or I can choose to give up something incredibly precious to me.”

She raised her head and looked sadly at her maman. If only Madelyn knew.

“If it was her… she would do it,” Rose softly acknowledged. “It would tear her apart. But if it meant being at his side, then she would sacrifice anything, even her own happiness. That’s what makes her great… that’s what makes her amazing… but me… I can’t be kind like that. I can’t show my kind through sweetness, I’m too afraid of being weak. Of being ****. I-I play these games… while trying to do the right thing… it’s like I’m walking on a tightrope between doing the right thing and being mean… just because I’m too afraid of opening up like she is…”

Rose buried her face in her knees.

“…I won’t give up what’s precious to me, just to be by his side,” Rose admitted, coming to terms with the fact that she’d lost this challenge. “So she wins. I can’t love him like that.”

She had finally put words to the truth she’d tried to hide from for quite some time. The truth that Mary was the one better-suited to be Nick’s wife. No matter how much Rose loved him, no matter how much he loved her… Mary was the one.

She’d had a play wedding in a cathedral. Mary had gotten the real thing.

“That sounds very difficult,” Madelyn said softly. “And an all too familiar story.”

“What?” Rose raised her head, surprised.

“When I was first starting out as an actress, there was a boy in my theater troupe,” she confessed. “And I was certain I loved him. I tried so many things to win him over, but he never looked at me the way I wanted him to. Oh, I could see in his eyes that he desired me, and I tried to use that to my advantage, of course, but… his heart wanted something more. You see, he had a childhood friend back in the countryside, who he promised to marry. And even when I offered myself to him, told him I would do anything if he would be mine… he turned me down. Not long after that, our paths diverged. I started getting scouted by real talent agencies, and he… well, he realized what was really important to him, and went back home to marry his sweetheart. I hear they have a nice, happy family now.”

Madelyn’s words came out with a sad tone, but her eyes still smiled.

“So that’s it, then?” Rose mumbled. “I should just give up?”

“I can’t answer that for you,” Madelyn said firmly. “I have no way of knowing how the circumstances of your situation differ from mine. What kind of advice could I give you on that?”

“Ah… I see…” Rose blushed. That was true.

“The bottom line is, do you think this fellow of yours love you or not?” Madelyn asked.

“I-I think so… he’s told me. But… he loves her more.”

“Forget about her,” Madelyn scoffed, waving her hand. “The reason I failed in my romantic endeavor was because nothing I did could ever get me into his heart. His thoughts were too focused on her. But it sounds like that’s not the case with you. If you’ve already got a foothold in his heart, then hold onto it. Fight for what you want! And don’t give up until the battle’s over! You’ve seen my movies, right?”

“Yes, all of them!” Rose nodded. Even the ones that haven’t been made yet.

“Well, when I played Lisette in Scarlet Confessions, did she give up? No, she didn’t, did she? Even though the man she loved had a fiancé! She didn’t let that discourage her. Instead, she fought to show him that she loved him more than his fiancé ever could, and that she could make him happier than anyone else. And tell me, how did that end again?” She asked with a sly smile.

Rose smiled back, fondly remembering watching that movie while her mother bounced her on her knee.

“She kissed him in front of the Eiffel Tower.”

“Exactly.” Madelyn winked at Rose. “Because she didn’t give up. And you shouldn’t, either. You shouldn’t give up anything! I don’t know what this ‘precious thing’ of yours you’re being pressured to give away to prove your love, but don’t do it. Stick to your principles and fight the way YOU fight.”

She smiled softly. “That’s what I would do, anyway.”

“Mam- Madelyn…” Rose sniffled, feeling overwhelmed by emotion. Madelyn passed her a box of tissues to cry into and blow her nose.

“We’re friends now, Mary. And that’s important. Here.”

She took out a pen from her purse and scratched something onto a slip of paper. “This is my telephone number back home. I don’t give this out to just anybody, you know, so I’m trusting you with it. But if you ever need advice again, just call me, okay? Let me know how it all works out.”

Madelyn gave Rose a bright smile, but Rose’s heart sank.

That call would never come. She would never see Madelyn again after this.

She nearly started bawling all over again.

“You… you really are a great mother…” Rose whimpered, taking the slip of paper and clutching it to her breast.

Madelyn blinked, caught off-guard by that. “What… you think so? But…”

Rose shook her head and wiped her tears. “Someone as kind as you, you’re definitely a good maman. The best. I’m sure your kids know. Even if you don’t spend as much time with them as they want, I’m sure they know how hard you’re working just to put a roof over their heads. So don’t disparage yourself, okay? You’re a great woman, and a great mother.”

“I-I see…” Madelyn stared up at Rose, honestly touched. “…Thank you, Mary. That means more to me than you could possibly know.”

And it means even more to me, Rose thought with a soft smile.

“…You’re right, though,” Madelyn continued. “Everything I’m doing, it’s all for them. I know it’s dreadful… I know I can’t be there for them as much as I want to. Especially since they’re so young. But it’ll be different soon. Once they get a little older, once I finally retire, then we can finally be a family.”

Her eyes turned distant again as she pictured that ideal future, and she took a tissue for herself to dab at her eyes. “Why, look at me! I spent hours on this makeup, I can’t ruin it!” She laughed, and turned back to the mirror. “I have to be on the set in a couple minutes!”

Rose’s heart shattered in an instant.

“Maman…” She whispered so softly her mother couldn’t hear, knowing full well that the future she dreamed of would never come to pass.

…Or would it?

Rose’s eyes landed on the ray gun, abandoned on the table where she’d placed it.

“Madelyn… I hope you live a long, happy life,” Rose said, raising the gun and holding it at a position Madelyn wouldn’t see from the mirror. She squeezed the trigger.

With one shot, Madelyn was cured of any and all diseases that currently afflicted her. And the transformation didn’t stop there. Her immune system was boosted to levels that were off the charts, magically preventing her from ever contracting another illness again. She would be healthy and happy right up until she died of natural causes at a ripe old age.

Even as Rose worked the transformation out, a part of her knew that this wouldn’t have any effect on herself. Her own maman had passed away a long time ago; she couldn’t change the past here. But this Rose… this version of her… she’d be able to live a long, happy life with her maman, and her brother. She’d be able to have conversations like this whenever she wanted. And when she fell in love… her maman would be there to help her, just like she’d helped Rose.

“Goodbye, maman,” Rose whispered, pressing the button on the back of her gun and returning to the island.