No, Why Not Make More Friends?

“Right here? Not sure I’m comfortable doing it so publicly,” you say, but Annalise shakes her head.

“No, we can find a room in the house that nobody’s using, you know, have a good time there,” she says, continuing to rub her ass on you. It feels great, but then again…

“Maybe some other day, in a more private place yeah?” you say. Annalise is hot, but you figure you’ve got her in the bag, and there are others that you could meet at this party.

“That’s a deal. Some other day then,” she says, giving you a quick peck on the lips and then heading towards the roar of the party again.

You quickly find your way back to the room where the game of beer pong was being played earlier, but the game is no longer going on. To your surprise, you see Gina (still fully dressed) talking with a nerdy-looking guy; as far as you could remember, the only guys she would let close to her were the most stereotypical gym-bros, and you’re pretty certain she didn’t have a radical personality change overnight.

She seems to be having a good time with him, but when she sees catches your eye, she excuses herself from the dude, and quickly slips away into the party.

“Damn, you scared her away. I had her in the bag man,” the guy says, though his inflection makes it clear that he’s mostly joking.

“Yep, my sister hates me for some reason. Both of mine do, to be honest, but her in particular,” you say, shrugging. “But how’d you get to talking with her? No offence, but you’re not really her type.”

“Ah,” the guy says, holding up a finger. “This is my big secret. I’ll let you in on it though, if you promise to keep it a secret.”

You give your word, and he pushes his glasses up his nose with two fingers, looking dorky as hell: “That’s the secret, right there. You probably thought I was total nerd just now right? And like, who wears a Razer headset? At a party? You set up this expectation of the socially awkward guy who’s way out of his depth at an event like this, so expectations for you are set way, way, way low. But then you approach a girl and turn out to actually be a well-adjusted and capable interfacer? That catches women way off guard for some reason, and chicks dig that.”

“So the getup is just an act?” you ask, pointing to his Team Liquid jacket and Aperture Laboratories shirt.

“Nah, I’ve made Immortal on Dota 2, like I play way too much of that game; I just happen to actually know how to hold a conversation. By the way, I’m Darren.”

“Alex,” you say, shaking his hand. “I might have to give your strategy a shot some time, huh. I wonder if I could pull off that look… And sorry about Gina - I would try to set you up if I could, but you know, she’s my sister, and she hates me.”

“No worries man, I’ll snag her during Burn Night,” he says, chuckling. “Just another perk of being a nerd.”

“Burn Night? What’s that?” you ask.

“Have you been living under a rock this whole time? Come on, the freshmen get filled in on this like day one, this is basic school culture.”

“I was hospitalised for the last two weeks, so um… might have missed out on a bit of context here.”

“Gotcha, I’ll explain Burn Night for you then. So, Burn Night is the Friday night of Burn Week, you know, that week when every class holds their midterm. It’s called Burn Week, because it’s fucking hell to take five midterms in a single week, like might as well call it finals at that point, but we Stonewall kids make it through because there’s the promise of Burn Night at the end of it.

“Now, grades for the midterms are all released at 11 pm on Burn Night, on the dot. That alone is exciting enough, but there’s a catch! For each A that you score, you get to score with any person of your choosing. Anyone. Spy a hot girl that night? You want them, you can have them, man. It’s a dream come true. And after you’re done fucking, they’ll mark the back of your hand with red permanent marker (a ‘burn’ mark) so that you don’t go over the number of As you earned. A beautiful system, made for people just like us.”

“Incredible,” you breathe, possibilities spreading through your head. All these girls that you’ve met, and any one of them could be yours on that night… so long as you get good enough grades. “Wait, but aren’t there issues with like, consent?”

“Well, it’s kinda tradition, so people go with it. I mean, if you really really don’t want to get asked, you stay in your room the entire night, and you’re safe that way, but it’s widely considered bad form, and besides, most people have at least somebody that they want to screw right? So don’t worry about girls not coming out that night - the hard part is snagging the hot girls before other guys find them; well that, and earning the A in the first place.”

“What wisdom you have dropped tonight,” you say, chuckling and shaking your head, still not quite believing that this is real. Darren laughs and pats you on the back in response. You’d heard complaints about Burn Week from Gina before, but never anything about what followed after…

“Hey, there’s a girl there that looks intriguing. Catch you later man,” Darren says, patting you on the shoulder before making his way towards some latina girl, doing that pushing his glasses up his nose thing again.

You shake your head at the absurdity of the situation, and decide that you’ve had quite enough for the night. It’s time to head back and get some rest, so you leave the party and head back for your dorm.

Darren +10