Milkshakes and Memories

This was not the way I wanted our first date as a couple to go. She was silent for the trip over, but her mood improved substantially once we took our seats in the small diner she insisted we go to. The first thing she ordered was a large strawberry shake. She was bouncing in her seat with excitement as it arrived some minutes later. The flow of good emotions swirled around us, blocking out all other Noise as she happily sucked on her straw.

“You enjoy milkshakes?”

She beamed at me, spitting out the straw. “They are proof that a higher power exists.” Before I could respond, she was back to sipping at her straw. I said nothing more, enjoying the sight of her innocent happiness. Another side of Chloe I’d never seen as she swayed in her seat, bliss radiating from her. She made happy noises, humming and giggling as she drank. Beyond that one statement, she didn’t stop until the entire thing was gone.

Impressive.

“Now, the regret,” she said, leaning back in her seat as she patted her stomach. Despite her words, I saw no regret in her Noise.

“I didn’t know you liked milkshakes so much.”

“Like is such a weak word. I live for milkshakes. Especially the ones here. Best in the city. Strawberry is my favorite, but I also like chocolate, banana, vanilla…” She continued to list ever more complex flavors. By the end, her Noise was buzzing happily.

“That’s all the flavors here.”

“I know! They are all my favorite.” She looked around as a somber mood took hold of her Noise as she spun her straw around the now empty glass. “My Dad used to take me here after my dance classes.”

“You took dance?”

Her eyes fell to the empty glass. “A long time ago.” Her expression slowly matched her Noise as her smile turned bittersweet. “I stopped after he died. There were just too many painful memories associated with it.” Reaching out, I rested my hand on hers. “Whenever I’m feeling sad or depressed, I stop here and have a milkshake. Makes me think of happier times.” Her smile returned as she looked at me. “And now that I have you, I can create even more happy memories here.”

I gave her a smile, putting all my effort into making it reflect the emotions I wanted to convey.

“But that’s enough sad things about me. What about you? How are your parents?”

“Oh, they are dead.” She paled, looking horrified. “It was several years ago. My aunt raised me until about two years ago when I declared independence and started living alone.”

“So you’ve been living alone since you were sixteen?” I nodded. “Did something happen between you and your aunt?”

“No. My aunt is incredible and one of the strongest people I know. When she got married, I left to live on my own. After all she had carried until that point, she deserved some time to focus on her own happiness. She still checks in on me at least once a week. It used to be more, but I think I managed to convince her I can function on my own.”

“I still can’t get my head around you living alone. Do you work or something?”

“Or something.” Her eyes narrowed. “Living off my parent’s life insurance, various investments, and a scholarship doesn’t sound that all that grand or noble.”

“Right,” she said avoiding my eyes. She seemed eager to change the subject.

We were interrupted by the arrival of our food. She was thankful to have something to distract us. The conversation turned light as we made small talk and ate. It was a good time and I was glad for the opportunity to do this with her. Both her Noise and expression showed joy and contentment. Her enjoyment was important to me, and I was pleased that she had, in my own way.

“I can pay,” she said as I got my wallet out.

“I got it.” She seemed displeased by my insistence. “You can pay for the next one.”

“Okay.” Content with the arrangement, I finished paying and we walked back to my car. Opening the door for her, I helped her inside before getting in. Setting off, she silently looked out the window as I drove us towards her apartment.

“We never decided what to do about Adam.” Since we were at a red light, I looked over at her as she spoke. “He’s not the type of guy who bluffs.”

“It would be easier to give him what he wants.”

Annoyance flared as her eyes narrowed. It didn’t last long as resignation took its place. “I know that. Still pisses me off. The moment I get something he can use against me, he exploits it.” Her expression turned sour. “Fucker.”

She looked down at her lap, Noise a mix of things. It was hard to pick out just one that bothered her. I chose to focus on regret. “You regret starting this?”

“No. Of course not. This, you, have made me happier than I’ve been in a long time.” She was avoiding my gaze, but I had to focus on the road again as traffic began to move. “I just—” She cut herself off, a spike of fear appearing.

“I want you to know you can tell me anything.”

I caught a glimpse of her amused smile. “Says the man who barely says anything.”

After a brief moment to reflect on that, she made a valid point. “I will try to be more open with you in the future. This is new to me as well.”

She took a deep breath as she sank back into the seat, her gaze going to the window the city go by. “This is probably going to make me sound like a terrible person, but…” Another breath as I saw her build determination and courage to fight against the fear in her Noise. “It wasn’t all about the money. I mean, that was certainly a huge portion of it, but that wasn’t the only reason I am the way I am.” Her fingers twisted in her lap as her head hung low. “I liked the way it made me feel. Not the sex, though that was great too. But the power dynamics. People might think I am getting taken advantage of, trading myself for money, but there is an element of power involved here in my favor.

“Some of my clients are people who can buy just about anything they want. Little in the world is off limits to them. The rush of telling them no? That they weren’t allowed to have me. Men who could have just about any other girl in school were at my feet. Guys who are used to having everything they could possibly want or desire throw money at me, beg me…” Embarrassment flushed through her Noise. “I like it. More than I should.”

I absorbed her words, putting the missing puzzle piece together. I figured there was something more to this than just money. Power was certainly intoxicating. Saw the effects of it on display every time I entered campus. I didn’t fault Chloe for enjoying the little sliver of it she had acquired for herself. Others had done worse with less.

We stopped at another red light, allowing me to look over at her. She was once more staring out the window as she rubbed her skirt between two fingers. There was a silence as I studied her Noise. This needed to be handled delicately.

“Nothing wrong with enjoying your work.”

“My work is having sex with people,” she said in a flat tone.

“You aren’t the only one with a sex-related Gift. There are many people who make their living selling their Gift to others.” I paused a moment to get a read on her Noise. “There is nothing to be disgusted about.”

“They are licensed to do it. I’m not.”

“You’re eighteen. You can always get one.”

She was silent a moment, anxiety overwhelming other emotions. “And you would be okay with that?”

“If it is something you want, why would I oppose it?”

Chloe’s eyes went to her lap, where she was still playing with her skirt. “I just… I don’t know. It feels disappointing. Like I was given this great opportunity being selected to come here, and it is all wasted by becoming... a professional escort.”

The car behind us honked as I continued to look at her. “I don’t think it was a waste.” She looked up, meeting my gaze. “We got to meet after all.”

“Go,” she said with a smile as the person behind us laid on his horn. “Or the guy behind us is going to start ramming us.” I started driving again as she continued. “I know that this isn’t a traditional relationship, but it still feels weird how accepting you are of this. Certainly not how I pictured my first real relationship.”

“Is that a bad thing?”

She looked away. “I don’t know. Maybe? This whole thing with Adam…” Anger spiked in her again before she fought it down. “This shouldn’t even be an issue. Maybe it would be better if I just quit.”

“Can you?”

She didn’t answer, remaining silent the rest of the way to her apartment building.

Parking on the street, I got out and opened the door for her. “You know I can get the door for myself, right?” she asked with an amused smile.

“I know.” I was rewarded with a light kiss to the lips.

“Thank you for dinner. It was… I needed it.”

“I enjoyed it too,” I said as I watched her Noise warm. “Come on, I’ll walk you home.”

Her hand on my chest stopped me. “I can go from here.”

“But—”

“You just going to leave your car here?” I hesitated. She gave me a light laugh. “I’ll be fine, Jake. Really. Thanks for the ride.”

I watched as she walked to the building. Once through the door, she turned and gave me a wave. Taking a breath, I got in my car and headed home.