Lily’s Last Stand

Lily walked up to Ganondorf’s Castle as she looked at pitfall to the other side of it…

“Well….. How the hell am I going to get over there?” Asked Lily

“Alright Sages….. it’s time!!” Said Rauru as suddenly some light came out of the dark skies…

“……. Is something supposed to—!”

“TASTE THE RAINBOW MOTHER FUCKERSS!!!” Said Rauru

Then suddenly a giant burst of light began to strike the pitfall as it grew into a rainbow bridge.

“Alright time to kick some ass!!” Said Lily as she crossed the bridge and went into the castle.

There she braved traps, tricks and challenges.

Meanwhile.

“Take that….. Take this….. and…… Ugh….. this is boring….. Am I having one of those quarter life crisis’s right now?” Asked Ganondorf beating Sheik to death as a cork blasted in the air.

“Ahhhhh What the—“

“Celebrating!!! think of all you’ve accomplished in 7 years!”

“I’m 31… And you know how I feel about champagne, that could’ve hit my eye Phil!”

“So boss… I was thinking that we capture some villagers and dose them with nightmares and kill them!!”

“Hahahah….. you are so one note skull mug…. You know what I would’ve done to celebrate?”

“Fondue?”

“NO… By getting more chaotic…… when I was the former king of the Guredos…. before I dropped out I taxed the hell outta of them leaving them broke, ahhh I still remember the faces of pure horror at the jaw dropping prices I put down for them!”

“But now I’m sitting here beating a young male to death, which should be fun…… but I’m just so Goddamn Bored!!!…… WHATS WRONG WITH ME!?”

“You’re an absolute narcissist!!”

“IT WAS RHETORICAL YOU ASS…… and who do you think you are talking to me like that?”

“Let’s find out!” Said Phil as he tore of Shiek bandages face to reveal.

“HOLY HELL…… ITS PRINCESS ZELDA!!”

“What?!”

“How the hell did she sound so much like a male?”

“Are….. are you shitting Me…… you mean to tell me that you….. Princess Zelda are a boy fem?!”

“That’s not a really good way to phrase it!”

“Phil…… Axe!”

“Yes sir!”

Ganondorf then slashed Phil to pieces with the battle axe as he stared intensely at Zelda

“Alright Zelda……. Your prophecies promised me a new Triforce of Power by this year……. I put a deposit down with three stones I stole from some green boy who I then proceed to murder in cold blood!”

“WHERES MY GODDAMN GOLDEN NACHO OF POWER ZEL?”

(Next Chapter: Final Fight.)