Let's make a story out of it

"Chief Medical Officer and Personal Log of Beverly Crusher. I am recording in both at once due to the medical nature of the ships problems and what I've been experiencing recently.

The Enterprise is under the control of an outside influence. We're completly blocked from contacting anyone outside this ship for help. The male members of the crew simultaneously went into a coma state. There is no medical explantion for this, so I can only assume, after our encounters with beings like Q that someone doesn't want them awake. There are to man for sickbay so I have used the replicators to rig up IVs for them, to ensure they gain proper nurishment.

The women of the ship are being changed. We are becoming hyper sexualized. Every dream is erotic in nature. I know this because I went to Counselor Troi with this problem. I became totally focused on my description of the dream and didn't notice that she had begun masterbating to it. She congratulated me on the sexiest of all the dreams she's heard abut recently.

Sextoys are being requested of the replicators as often as food. Despite the crew's current prediciments there are some members of it who seem more concerned with redesigning our uniforms. Oh dear. I'm late for Captain Janeway's emergency meeting of available senior staff. Thank goodness we have a captain who is fit during this time of crisis. End logs."