Joey’s bachelor party (Chandler’s version)

So Joey somehow picked up three chicks on the mountain who invited us over to their room. Joey picked me and Ross to go with him. He said he “trusted” us. I knew it was because if we ever told Phoebe anything about this trip, he’d tell our wives the shady things we’ve done. Mutually assured destruction.

So Ross and I went along and abandoned the rest of the bachelor party to go meet up with these girls. Their place was not as spacious as our condo. They basically had a standard hotel room with two queen beds and a bathroom. Their luggage and ski gear was everywhere.

Joey introduced us to the group. A busty blonde named Karen. She wore baggy grey sweatpants, and a tight white wifebeater that showed off her pink bra underneath. She was cute, but definitely looked young.

A long haired brunette named Gretchen. She wore black leggings that showed off her toned legs and butt. She had a small t-shirt that showed off the shape of her small breasts. Her nipples pressed against the fabric. She wasn’t wearing a bra.

The third girl had a tremendous amount of freckles covering her face. Her name was Cady and she had light reddish hair. She wore red and black flannel pajama pants, and a black hoodie. They offered us drinks when we entered.

They poured some Dragonberry Bacardi and fruit punch together in cups and handed them to us. Shit. I hadn’t had something like that since college. Tasting the sweetness with the slight burn of the **** made me feel old.

Cady stood next to me, so I asked her, “Do you board or ski?”

She replied, “I ski.”

“Are you from Colorado?” I asked.

“No,” Cady answered, “We’re from Dallas. But our families always do a ski trip every year. This is our first time we’ve come up by ourselves. We thought it would be a fun last spring break before we all separate when we go away to college.”

I coughed and almost spit out my drink. Joey said they were seniors. I assumed he meant college and not high school. When I gained my breath, I had to ask, “How old are you?” I looked at her and her friends, who started to look very young to me.

“We’re 18,” she replied. “How old are you?”

Oh my god. I felt like such a creep. Drinking Bacardi with a high schooler while wearing my wedding ring. Should I lie to this girl about my age so I don’t seem like a predator. No. That would make me more of a predator. I was honest and answered, “I’m 31,” and waited for the look on her face.

She laughed and slapped my arm, “No way you are that old! You look like you’re in college.”

“College was ten years ago,” I replied. “But thanks.”

Thankfully our awkward topic was changed when Joey said loudly, “Hell yeah let’s smoke some bud.”

We all sat awkwardly on the beds facing each other. I got sandwiched between Karen and Gretchen, who sat uncomfortably close to me. As the blunt was being passed, I asked Gretchen, “Do you play any sports? You look really athletic.”

She smiled, “Yeah volleyball and track. I’m not tall enough to play volleyball in college, but I am going to run hurdles next year at Mary Hardin-Baylor.”

“My girl is a star,” Karen said, passing me the blunt. I took it without looking down at her cleavage. She looked at my hand holding the blunt to my mouth seeing the ring, and asked, “Are you married?”

With my lungs full of smoke, I started coughing uncontrollably. Gretchen pounded me on my back until I stopped. Since I couldn’t talk, Ross answered for me, “We’re both married. And this one,” he patted Joey on the shoulder. “Is getting married in a few months. And then having a baby shortly after that.”

Maybe Ross thought that if he was truthful about the situation, the girls might change their minds and want us to leave. We were more than a decade older than them, and married. This shouldn’t be a situation they want to be in.

But I think it turned them on more. Knowing they were being naughty. Tempting married men with their youthful sexiness. Maybe they wanted to get back at their dads. I don’t know the reason. I just know that Karen rested her hand on my thigh after she confirmed I was married.

It had been a while since I had smoked, and I was feeling fucking high. I was getting too much in my head. We weren’t doing anything wrong just chatting with some girls. I would have no problem telling Monica what I did. Then I remembered how upset she would be if she learned I had smoked.

Fuck.

She hates when I get high. She would be more pissed if she learned I had smoked weed than if she learned I was in a hotel room with 18 year old girls. Damn it. Looks like I was already in shit for this trip no matter what happened. But mutually assured destruction. Nobody would tell what happens. So I might as well enjoy.

Gretchen tapped me on the shoulder, “Hey!” She smiled, lighting up her face. She was so freaking cute. “Welcome back to Earth! I think you zoned out and went into orbit there!”

I laughed, “Sorry it’s been awhile since I’ve smoked. Just got into my head a bit.”

“It’s totally cool,” she said. “Do you want a shot? Your friend is pouring shots.”

I looked over, and Joey said, “You’re taking a shot, you pussy.”

Where the hell did he get Jager from? I haven’t seen that syrupy dark liquor in years. This seriously was college. I was about to make some bad decisions and puke.