Jailhouse Buffet

Meanwhile in the prison cafeteria…

“Cream corn, mashed potatoes and beans? Are you TRYING to make me shit my pants?!” Scoffed an inmate after being given a scoop of fried beans to his plate and nodded to move down the line.

“Look at the bright side, at least they stopped offering chili with ice cream… I swear that was intentional.”

“Yeah.”

Sitting at their table in the cafeteria, Whirlwind and Grey Gargoyle sat at their table while other supervillains sat and ate. Sitting next to them were other supervillains wearing collars that stunted their abilities, while others did not, most likely because THEIR abilities came from their costumes. Overhead several heavily armored and armed security guards watched the inmates below eat, keeping a watchful eye.

“Hey guys.” Called out the living laser, wearing a power inhibitor around his neck, sitting next to the two and opening his drink at the table. “I heard the Punisher got moved to another prison.” Collectively the entire table gave a sigh of relief that was suddenly felt by every other table worth of inmates in the cafeteria.

“WHY the fuck did they bring him here anyway!?” Called out the Wizard, his arms up with a look of disbelief on his face. “The first week he was here he killed an ENTIRE WING!!!”

“That was like 30 people… With his bare hands.”

“People begged to be put in solitary just to be safe from HIM!”

“And now he’s gone!” Called out the Crimson Dynamo, followed by the rest of the cafeteria cheering and raising their drinks in a toast.

“Yeah… Glad we don’t have to worry about someone coming in here to kill us all… Well… There’s Carnage but they moved him to the RAFT.”

“Please, don’t remind me… I shared a cell with that psycho LONG before he became Carnage… That nut made me go HARD vegan!”

A collective murmur filled the cafeteria as the villains remembered when Cletus Kassidy was brought in. That murmur quickly became a gasp when the cafeteria lurched from some tremor outside. Looking around, the inmates noticed the tremors again, this time louder and more intense as the cafeteria shook slightly. Outside alarms could be heard which set off the guards in the cafeteria.

“ATTENTION” Called out one of the guards overhead on the rafters. “ALL INMATES WILL RETURN TO THEIR CELLS.”

“What?” “Aw that’s bullshit!” “Yeah! We just got here!” Called out the group of inmates barking complaints to the armed guards overhead while the tremors intensified.

“YOU HAVE BEEN ORDERED TO RETURN TO YOUR CELLS UNTIL THE CRISIS IS OVER.”

“Oh, come on! This is JUST like when the Juggernaut had a damn hissy fit and you locked us all up until he piped down!” Accused Whirlwind, the rest of the inmates backing him up and pointing at their food trays. “And that was for 9 hours!!! Well, I’m not budging an inch until SOMEONE gets a bite to eat!”

“Oooh! I like the way THIS one thinks.” Said a deep feminine voice overhead. Looking up in confusion, the inmates and guards were stunned silent when a massive blue hand punched its way through the ceiling and grabbed Whirlwind. Hoisting the screaming supervillain up and out through the roof, the man’s cries intensified when he found himself being stared down by four massive kaiju women leering down at him and licking their fanged lips. Tossing the screaming man up in the air like a kernel of popcorn, Carol tossed him into her open mouth and gulped the man whole. “Dig in ladies!”

Tearing open the roof of the cafeteria, the four Queenzillas scooped up everyone they could get their claws on and devoured them all. Handfuls of prisoners were plucked off the floor and swallowed whole with the same enthusiasm as devouring candy. The guards, who were not lax in the crisis as they fired up at the four monster-woman, only to find much to their horror that all their weapons managed to do was bounce harmlessly off their thick hides. “Owww, HEY! That was my horn asshole!” Or garner their attention. Reaching out with an open claw, Scarlet Witch plucked one of the offending armored guards up by his leg while he continued to shoot into her cleavage until his weapon was empty. Dangling him over her head, Wanda opened her mouth wide, giving the guard a bird’s eye view of the monster’s jaws and throat.

“WAIT! DON’T EAT ME!”

Closing her mouth and giving the panicking guard a humoured look, the Scarlet Witch smirked. “Oh? And why not?”

“Uhm… I do not TASTE good! Yeah… This suit’s just hardened metal and plastics, you can’t eat that!”

“He’s right…” Mumbled the She-Hulk with three already in her mouth before she swallowed them whole. “Tastes like tinfoil and tuba ware lids.”

“See! If you let me go… I won’t let anyone know you were here.”

Looking to each other, the massive kaiju women paused in their eating, deep in thought, until Wanda reached into the Cafeteria and plucked a bottle of ketchup between her clawed fingers. “Tempting… But ketchup solves everything.”

“Wha…?” Gargling as the ketchup bottle was crushed and splattered tomato paste all over his face, the man did not even have a chance to look up when he was tossed into Wanda’s mouth and swallowed whole. Belching out loud and causing the others to laugh, Wanda chuckled and picked her teeth with her fingernail.

“See, ketchup solves everything.”

“Is there anything left to eat here?”

“There’s still plenty of prison to crack open, come on girls, whoever finishes last gets to clean up!”

Having emptied out the cafeteria, the four stomped towards other wings of the VAULT and began tearing open the roofs to reach in and eat what they could. Every claw full, they shoved into their waiting maws and swallowed whole, too hungry to waste the effort in chewing their meals to get full. In the span of just half an hour, the VAULT; one of the most secure prisons devoted to the containment of metahuman, mutant and ultra-dangerous prisoners had been picked clean of every living being in it and trampled into rubble. When their meals were finished, the four stomped their way back through the tree line and disappeared, with only their ponderous footfalls being heard in the distance and slowly becoming faint. Then a belch echoed off into the distance, scaring birdlife for miles into flying into the air.