It's really Beatrice...? But...! (Pink Trigger's Power >3,499)

"... It's useless... It's all useless...!" Battler shook his head violently, clutching at his hair and accidentally sticking one of his aunt's pasties in it. "I can't think of anyone who has any reason to do this... I can barely think at all, anyhow! Isn't nearly everyone here my family, anyway? Crap!! Whoever you are, 'witch,' you've got a ridiculously sexy body, you know? My brain's shutting down...!"

Eva blushed even as she held her twisted smile, obviously trying to decide how she felt about the feedback on her anonymous assets. "Then don't think! Give up, stupid human! Praise me, acknowledge my magic, and you'll be having so much fun you'll never want to use that soft brain of yours ever again!"

"Hold up, hold it! That's the part that I can't get behind." The young man continued his improbable protest in the face of such generosity. "What is all this 'magic' nonsense? I know for a fact you're not Maria, so I can't understand it! I mean... yeah, I got a pretty crazy show earlier. Yeah, I don't know who you are, and you've got this mysterious masked bastard hanging around at your beck and call. And, yeah, I can't say why you're offering me either a buttload of money or a handful of your moneymaker! But, magic? We're both a little old to be talking about magic, right?!"

Eva clicked her teeth, shooting me an irritated glance as if to say "yeah, obviously."

I simply shrugged, having no reason to budge on my terms. Yes, Ushiromiya Battler. By "magic," we mean "things that are impossible for a human."

"Look, Ushiromiya Battler. You're not taking that blindfold off until I convince you I'm Beatrice, and everything I'm doing is magic, and you say all of that, and you give up and die! What's it going to take?!"

"All right, all right, sheesh! Hold on, lemme think... A-and keep your big, fat ass off of me while I do, or I'm not gonna be able to think straight..."

"B-big... fat... ass?!?" The would-be witch clenched her teeth and grabbed her broomstick, holding it aloft like she was going to commit her first ritual **** here and now. With her fist shaking, she managed to get control of herself once more and pull her arm back down. "No, please. By all means. Work that pitiful human brain of yours, moron."