I tell Kelly how I feel

I had just got home from work and Kelly was already complaining about something again. I felt bad for her, and how the things in our life annoyed her, but it helped me realize that I did not want to be part of it any more, so I interrupted her by saying, ?Kelly, we have to talk.?

?What do we have to talk about?? she asked, a bit surprised.

?I can't live like this anymore. I want a divorce,? I answered. I could not believe that I just came out and said it, but there it was.

She looked even more stunned than I did. ?What do you mean? What's wrong? I thought we were finally getting along pretty well.?

?That is only because I have given up,? I answered. ?Kelly, you are no longer the woman I fell in love with. From your point of view you may think things are all right, but they are not. Our marriage has been doomed since our wedding night, I just haven't wanted to admit that. I really love you but I don't like the person you have turned into. Neither do I like the person you are trying to turn me into. Kelly, I don't like who I am, and I don't want to be who I was. I really love you but I can't live like this. I need to take control of my life again, be the person I want to be. I can't do that with you Kelly.?

I had expected Kelly to be mad at me but she was not. Instead she fell to her knees and started crying. I could feel my compassion welling up, and I almost felt like comforting her and saying, ?Sorry, it's my fault, we can go back to the way we were.? But I didn't do that. I needed to change.

?I don't understand. What kind of person do you need? How can I do things differently? What can I do to keep you? Give me another chance,? she said.

?Kelly, it's to late for that. I have given you all the chances you will get,? I told her.

?I know that things have not been good between us lately but I do love you. If you want me to change, I'll change. I will do anything, just don't leave me? she responded between her sobs.

She sounded sincere and I felt bad for what I had to say.

?No, you wouldn't, we both know that,? I said. ?You would probably try for a while but when push comes to shove, you would fail.?

?How can you say that?? she asked. ?I love you. You know that. That should be all that matters, right??

?I don't know how you define love but it is not to coerce someone into being someone else. I think you loved me once, but the way you are acting towards me I don't trust your words anymore.?

?What did I do wrong? How should I have been??

?Kelly,? I explained, ?What I want is someone who will listen to me. I want someone who will do what I want. If I want to go out, she will. If I wake up horny in the middle of the night and want a sex, they won't throw me out and call me a pervert. I want someone who will focus on me, my wants, my needs. I want someone who gladly will do everything I want, simply because I want it. And finally, I want someone who is happy to be with me and happy to be themselves.?

?I don't think that you are those things. Sure, you'll go out with me, if you are up to it. And you'll have sex with me, if you are in the mood. But how many times have you said no to me and thrown me out? How many times have I not even asked because I knew you would say no? And are you really happy with yourself, because from the amount of time that you spend complaining about things, it sure doesn't seem that way.?

?I'm sorry Kelly, but I need to change. It may sound strange but even with what you have done to me I still love you, Kelly. I just can't live with someone as you. I must look to me own wants and needs. I'm going to stay at a friend's house for a couple of days till I can sort out a place to live. Good bye, Kelly.?

With that, I left here there, crying on the couch. It made me feel like an asshole, and it was tremendously hard not to go back to her, but in some respects I felt good that I was finally able to do this.

I went to my buddy Martin's house, and crashed there for the night. Martin was a true friend and he supported my decision to break up with Kelly. I guess it had been pretty obvious that neither of had been happy.

I was at work the following day when my mobile phone rang. I could see it was Kelly, and I almost didn't answer. But I needed to take control of my life again. If I avoided confronting her I would never be free so I answered the phone.