I Can't Believe This Is Happening

I can't believe his absolute arrogance. I can't believe that he is just standing there as if he is welcome, as if nothing had happened. As if we hadn't clearly gone too far.

I can't believe he really thinks he is going to intrude.

But then that's Blake to a tee, now isn't it? I mean the man perpetually thought that he was the coolest shit in existence. That he was god's gift to women and that he deserved an award just for being there. I really do think that if asked he would say that he thought that all other people should just be glad that he deigned to grace us wth his presence, and I truly do think that you wouldn't need to press him to get him to admit to it.

Tonight was shaping up to be a hell of a thing. Jake was here and a big part of me was thrilled about that even if I knew that Rachel was planning and machinating the whole time and it likely meant pushing my limits even more. But I could get behind that, could trust that she knew what was reasonable for me and that she knew what was best. It might hurt, but it would hurt so good.

Rachel I could deal with and Jake I could handle, but Blake is another matter entirely. I think it was the power dynamic in our old life, my instinct being to wince and defend myself around him but more than that being to back down, to be submissive. To let him take charge because if I rise up too high I'll just become a target. And while that strategy was only marginally effective when I was still a man, as a woman it is having entirely unexpected results.

I'm a target, still. Just in a very different way and for a very different goal.

"Rachel," Blake addresses her first, then me, "Emily. And you must be Jake? Right?"

He strides forward and sticks out his hand, making it so Jake who has already sat down has to stand up to shake it.

"And you are?" Jake asks.

"Blake," he replies, "I'm in the same freshman group as these two lovely ladies."

Jake inclines his head, tilting it a little to one side, "Well then you are a very lucky man indeed."

"I like to think so," Blake replies, that shit eating grin of his getting broader.

"You know we're here, right?" Rachel interjects, "We can hear you just referring to us like we're pieces of meat."

Jake has the courtesy to look at least remotely reproachful about the whole thing. Blake, meanwhile, can't even muster that up.

Instead he just shrugs, "I meant it as a compliment."

Rachel has fire in her veins, I know that. She is strong by every definition of the word but even she can fall victim to his charms. And when she blushes a little and gives him half a shy smile, I know she's just as much a victim as me even if it's manifesting in a different way.

A part of me wants to submit entirely, don't get me wrong. Looks at the whole thing as an opportunity. But the more rational side of my brain sees the equation being lined up here and knows that trouble is afoot. Because between Jake and Blake and even Rachel I have three people vying for my attention here and for a wallflower who is used to not being noticed, the whole thing is overwhelming.

"I think the movie is going to start soon," Blake says, inclining a hand towards the blanket while his eyes flicker up and down my body, "Shall we sit?"

That would be a bad idea. Without proper groundwork, without establishing boundaries, anything could happen.

So instead of sitting I just stand there as stunned as a deer in the headlights and a moment that passes becomes a moment more and then Rachel senses it and is the first one to speak, standing up herself and crossing the space to lock her arm in mine and start to lead me a ways away.

"Us girls need a minute," she says, "You boys just get ready."

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