How could it not?

Dear Diary, (May 21st, evening)

As I mention on the past page, it all turned out as well as could be expected, but at the time, I was truly terrified. It is not that I was afraid of sex, not even rough sex, but what Miles wanted had little if anything to do with carnal lust and everything with putting me in my place.

“No!” I yelled at the man; with Manton's much greater size and strength there was little I could do to stop him physically, but I was not going to passively let him have his way. “I am a free woman; you can't do this!” If anything though, the feeble protests only fueled Miles' passion because his cruel smile grew even broader as he pulled impatiently at the buttons of his trousers.

“I can do anything I want, you nigger bitch.” I remember the panic I felt at the time when I realized that my cousin was probably correct. What chance would I have in the courts of Charleston? The claims of a woman - a Northerner with African blood flowing through her veins - against the word of a member of one of South Carolina's oldest families. He probably could get away with doing almost anything. My thoughts were rudely interrupted when he pulled down my other sleeve, so my breasts hung out like the udders of a cow.

I should probably pack away this awful experience, but as no one but myself will ever see this diary, I am taking the time to capture this moment of shame.

My shame:

Once his erect phallus was pulled free of his underwear, Manton reached for me again, his intention no longer in doubt. If only I had the strength of a man to put him in his place or carried on my person a small firearm to hold him at bay ... but in my present state, I could only see one possible outcome for this encounter. Were I a religious woman like my mother, I would call what happened next a miracle, instead, I will put it down to luck.

From my position at his feet, my hand by happenstance fell upon Mile's pipe where it had fallen to the floor. With a frantic burst of motion, I swung the smoldering bowl of the pipe directly at the thick tangle of pubic hair just in front of me. The bowl of the pipe just missed Manton's erection and I grimaced in satisfaction when I saw the glowing embers land on their target. His yell of surprise and pain was accompanied by a frantic attempt to brush off the burning tobacco as he stumbled backwards. I had time to climb to my feet and hold the pipe out like a tiny club.

I recognize now that by angering my cousin as I did, I may have only made my fate far worse, but just at that moment the door to the library burst open and Mr. Kyleson accompanied by Will stepped into the room.