Gym advice

"Coach Summers, I'm glad you asked me here to help you get into better shape," I told her.

"Well, I'm always looking for ways to get in better shape."

"The best thing to use are carrots."

"I should eat more carrots?"

"No, take a carrot that's six inches long, or if it's longer, cut the big part off until it's six inches long. Then before you head to the fitness center to workout on the treadmill, stairmaster, or do squats, insert four inches of the carrot up your rectum and leave two inches sticking out."

"Really? I'll look ridiculous."

"No one will notice. Trust me, it will train your glute muscles and that will spread to your thighs. Just pull your panties and shorts up over the carrot so it stays in place. Like I said, no one will notice. People at these fitness clubs are there to work out, not check out women's butts."

"You're right. Anything else?"

"Yes, the best source of protein you can get is semen. You should swallow semen three times a week...at least."

"Um, I guess I can do that."

"Yes, and when you suck cock, be on your knees, put your hands behind your head, and use your neck muscles to thrust back and forth."

Coach Summers was blushing.

"Buy a paddle, you know like the ones the frats used to use in hazing. After each practice, have one of the cheerleaders paddle your ass for a few minutes. It's great for muscle tone."

"Wow, I never knew," said Coach Summers.