Greg, from Accounting

"Greg. Greg Miller from Bayonne New Jersey." I mumble.

"Let's see, Miller, Miller, ok Miller. Greg. Wow, your world had a LOT of Greg Millers." Ashward taps as he squints at his screen. "There are like 10 just in Bayonne. How old are you?"

"Uh, thirty seven."

"AH! Here we are." Ashward says, turning the laptop around so I am staring at a profile of myself. All my information seems laid out in front of me on the screen. My age, weight, height, date of birth followed by date of ****, ex-wife, two children, dead end job, and a million other boring minutia about an absolute nobody that the world already forgot about. He turns the screen back to himself. "Wow, you, uh, lead quite the exciting life. Nah! I'm just fuckin with ya! Jeez Louise! Even the worms eating your corps have more fun. But...."

"But?"

"But" he continues, "How would you like a chance to start over? New life, new world, new name, new EVERYTHING! NEW! YOU! See, my collogues and I, we're immortal. That means we live forever. Most mortals think that's awesome, and don't get me wrong, it it! But what most mortals don't understand is that Forever is a long time. I mean a LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG time! So we come up with ways to pass the time. That's where you come in. How would you like to get reborn. I mean straight up Isekai'd? New world, epic powers, the works! Depending on how it goes, you may even become the next MunchyRoll sensation. Or even..." he bends over to whisper, "maybe even become a God yourself. THAT'S RIGHT! How do you think I got the gig?!? If you keep us entertained enough, and enough of the Counsel of Gods agree, you could become a god! But we're getting WAY ahead of ourselves! Does that sound good?"

"Wait, wait, go back." I mutter, "Let's start with WHY? Why me? You said it yourself. I'm nobody. Why would ANYBODY choose me? I sure as hell wouldn't."

"Another excellent question." Ashward grins with enthusiasm. "A couple of reasons. First: Brave heroes betrayed, damsels, who's "true love" scorned them at the alter, Hell, even shy kid who dies saving his secret crush. All these tropes have been done to ****. Stories like that don't get high scores anymore. So I thought, "What HASN'T been done yet?" And here we are. Well, here YOU are. A middle-aged, well, almost middle-aged guy, divorced, about to get downsized. Oops, spoiler alert. But, I've seen your imagination. You write, you game, and you LARP to escape reality. How would you like to CHANGE reality?"

"Ugh" I stammer, "So many follow up questions. Score? Fired? Change reality? What are you even talking about?"

"Right, right. One thing at a time. Let's start with the easy answer first. I'm a god. Not capital GEE God as in The God. but A god. that is to say powers far beyond mortal comprehension, including, but not limited to the ability to eavesdrop on worlds. We can't influence worlds we didn't have a direct hand in creating, but we can watch what goes on, taking interest in individuals that catch our attention. Think of it as Fan-Fic where we can only choose side characters," The reader feels a pair of eyes staring back from the screen, as if tap tap tapping on the fourth wall, "and YOU are as about as side a character as someone can get. I've looked into your life and this Friday, at 4:50, you're going to be called into your managers office to be told that your job has been replaced by software. If it makes you feel any better, a glitch that you would have caught if you were still there, will cost the company five million dollars in a year or so. But yeah, you were about to get canned. The good news is now that you're dead, your life insurance policy pays out to your kids, who can't touch it for a while, so they'll be good to go when they grow up. Don't worry, the Ex can't touch a penny of it. And hey! Bonus! No more child support! As for Score, thaaaat's a little harder to explain. As I said, I'm a god. I'm one of a bunch of gods. I wouldn't call us a pantheon, pre-se. Pantheons are more of a co-operative. They have themes, codes, rules, that sort of thing. We're more like a group that hangs out together from time to time showing off our latest creations and projects. We watch each others.... shows? I don't really know how else to explain it. You've watched enough Anime. I know you have, I've watched you watch it! You know how Isekai works. All those "Oops, I accidentally hit you with lightning", or "I'm an all powerful Demon Lord who found a way to get reborn so I can have friends" stories you watched? Most of them are based on our, let's call them, antics. Like I said, some of us have been getting bored with the same old plotlines and when that happens our overall score as a god can get affected. Pump out too many flops and you can get demoted to Lesser God. When that happens, you basically get assigned to one of those worlds where you have to get the ratings up, usually by causing major shit. Failure in that basically gets you demoted to World Villain. That makes you mortal. I don't need to tell you what happens if you fail there. Still with me?"

I nod, taking this in.

"Good," he jumps back into his explanation, "We each get one crazy OP character. We recently had one where this twentysomething came back as a slime. Can you believe it?!? A SLIME! Joke was on him though! Know what happens when your chosen vessel is ungendered? NOTHING! HA HA HA HA!!! Dude turns into an all powerful demon lord with huge titty'd chicks who want to jump his bones, ONLY TO FIND OUT THAT HE DOESN'T HAVE BONES TO JUMP! HA HA HA HA! Man that part cracks me up every time!" He wipes his eye, catching his breath, "Anyway, I want you to be my OP character."

"Just out of curiosity," I all but whisper, "what if I refuse?"

"Oh! No worries!" he seems surprised that you even asked, "I'm not there to **** you. If you turn it down, you go back to your world, still dead though, and whatever afterlife you believed in awaits. Sorry, that part's non-negotiable."

"So I really don't have much to lose, do I?"

"THAAAAAAAAAAT'S THE SPIRIT!"