Finding out - the hard way

Apparently, the only way we mortals can actually visit the fairy realms is to wish we were there and have our wish grated by a practicing fairy. So, since I was now an honorary practising fairy, I merely had to wish to grant whatever it was I'd just wished for and it was automatically granted - by magic.

Magic is what the fairy realms are made of. It's the equivalent to what human physicists call the God partical; a tiny thing that enables other little things to coalesce into bigger and more complex things. In Star Wars, it's called "the ****." In religion, it's called "faith." In both these instances, nobody knows exactly how it works but it generally seems to work whenever you work it properly.

So I had a bash at working it. I wished to be in Fairyland and wished for my wish to be granted.....and it was. Of course, not knowing what Fairyland actually looked like, I was wishing blind. I suppose I imagined it would be a place full of castles and enchanted forests and so that is what I got. If I'd have imagined Fairyland to be more like a bedsit in the London borough of Hounslow, I might have felt more at home there. As it was, I found myself lost in an enchanted forest and feeling like a fish out of water. Obligingly, a fish out of water came along; only this one was following a google map on its smartphone and seemed to know where it was going. I was tempted to follow it, but then I remembered what happened to Alice in Wonderland after she followed her white rabbit and thought better of it. Besides, I wasn't sure stalking walking fish in enchanted forests might not be considered a bit pervy. Worse still, what if the fish was the pervert and was luring me away to have it's wicked way with me? I mean, you never know with fish, do you!

As it happens, I fell victim to a faun instead. A faun is a magical enchanted forest dweller with the lower half of a goat and the upper half of a man with horns on his head.

"G'day mate! On a walkabout? Ripper! Mind if I join yer? We don't get many of your kind round here, expecially one that's already stripped for action."

Now, the trouble with me is, I'm too hasty. Thats why I came to wish myself into the fairy realms before I remembered to put my clothes back on after shagging the fairy.

"Here mate, are you a poofter? No worries if you are. In fact, we fauns think poofters are ripper! Like, you're already trained."

"Trained for what?"

"Buggery mate! We fauns are descended from satyrs. Consequently, we're lusty, partial to the odd tinny or the fermented juice of the vine and we're exclusively male. Not a Sheila among us, hence the buggery."

"Look, hang on, this is bugging me so I've just got to asked, this is Fairyland, right?"

"Too right!"

"And you're a magical creature who's never set hoof outside of the fairy realms?"

"Right again, you beaut!"

"So.......how come you're speaking in an Australian accent?"

"Somebody has to mate."

"Fair enough, I can't argue with that, although I might want to argue with THAT!"

While I'd been speaking, a huge pink penis had quite literally sprang up out of the faun's hairy groin and was waving menacingly in my direction. Aware of my nakedness, I immediately felt very **** and tried to wish myself inside a suit of armour. To my alarm, nothing happened.

"No mate, your MY wish and you don't get to have your wish until I've had mine. Them's the rules; it's quantum, or an old charter or something. By the way, Sweetcheeks, what's yer name?"

I tried to say Boris but all that came out was "Faunfodder" and I knew my fate was sealed. Though I knew it was useless, I made a break for it, running through the enchanted forest as fast as my legs and jiggly bits would let me. That is until I encountered a wall of brier and thorny brambles that with dismay, I noticed had compketely surrounded both the amorous faun and myself. What's more, the prickly circle was magically closing in on us so that I was **** ever closer to that pink, bobbing snake that now displayed a bead of glistening pre-cum at it's tip in anticipation of ravishing my large intestine. Suddenly, all fight went out of me. A strange weakness came over me as the forest fell deathly silent. There was no breeze, no bird song; indeed there was nothing but the sound of my own terrified heavy breathing, plus the thunder of my own pulse echoing in my ears. I was sure this randy creature was smaller when I first encountered it but now it equalled me in size and it's upper torso was fair rippling with muscle. I felt its masculinity as my own drained away. It moved behind me and immediately, I felt manly, large and powerful hands begin to knead and probe my embarrassingly soft buttocks.

"You've a smooth bum, mate. I really do appreciate a nice, round and slightly squodgie arse like yours."

Something broad and long was now pressing into the crevice between my buttocks and started to move up and down a little, not sliding but taking my arse meat with it. The faun's hands were on my hips, holding me steady; his face was close behind me and I caught the scent of his breath. He smelled of goat.

I heard my high pitched whimper as one of the faun's hands detached itself from my hip and made its way round to my belly. The other hand slid up my back. What happened next happened quickly. I was bent over and that alien pink cock **** deeply into my bowel, which it proceeded to fuck at about the same speed as a nurse might administer CPR to a nearly dead patient; urgently but rhythmically. I screamed. Of course I did. The pain was immense. It felt as if I were being sawn in two. Despite the pain, I tried to relax in the hope that it wouldn't hurt quite so much if I did. Wonder of wonders, it didn't. In fact, something rather unexpected happened. The faun's thrusting cock was inevitably massaging my prostate gland and this caused me to become sexually aroused. Pain gave way to pleasure. Not totally, but enough to make the whole experience bearable. The faun's fleecey nethers beat heavily against my arse as it fucked me. It felt like I was being shagged by a savage sheepskin rug. Aware of what was happening to me, the creature reached round me and began to masturbate my engorged cock with exquisite expertise. He'd really got the magic touch and gave me a master class in wanking. My only regret was that I wasn't in a position to take notes. Somehow, I just knew it was his intension that we should reach orgasm together - and we did. The shared sexual tension grew and grew and then we both climaxed in a gloriously ecstatic and synchronised release. As his sperm ejaculated into me, so my sperm spurted out to inseminate the enchanted forest floor, though what might grow out of such a fertilisation I shudder to think. Another fucking faun, probably!

Once my pederastic ordeal was over, my ability to function returned to me and I wished myself fully clothed in black tie, black tux and wings, my invitation card in my hand.

"Excuse me, but could you please tell me how to get to this place," I say, showing the faun the invitation card.

"Yeah mate, no worries. It's just behind those trees over there."

"Thanks, though I'm not sure about not worrying. I'm only an honorary fairy you know, I might not...er...fit in"

"Nah! You look the part, she'll be right" and with that, the faun, without moving a single step, simply vanished into the trees; leaving me with the thought, 'what a bonzer bloke!'