Feel left out of life.

You have a little bit of time so you quickly use your 'Craft: basic' skill on the leather and a few pieces of string to create a pair of boots for yourself. They fit your feet perfectly but still feel a bit too stiff to be comfortable. Perhaps when your skill is higher or you have better materials your could craft some really nice, comfortable ones.

You hitch yourself to the cart as you hear the moans and screams of lust from the village devolve into shouting and screams of anger and decide now is a good time to put some distance between you and them.

In your jaunt into the village you managed to lose your dagger and magic boots to the guards and used a number of potions which you have a limited amount of ingredients for. All you got in return are some crappy boots and a good fuck from the main object of your lust. All in all it wasn't a bad trade (boots for some booty) but you are still feeling pretty down about the whole ordeal.

You've burnt all your bridges in the goblin village. You'd be lucky if the chief didn't send wolf riders to kill you (although that would require more imagination from him than you'd credit him, really). You were no longer accepted in the one place that'd previously accepted you, the one place you were... well, not welcomed, but at least not killed on sight.

And what about your new skills? How could they help? Apparently, monsters are either jealous or fearful of your skills and would try to kill you or use you. So, monsters could now be considered your enemy and should be avoided.

Heroes, on the other hand, would take one look at you and only see the green of your skin. You are nothing but a stinking monster at best and a handful of easy XP at worst. They are STILL your enemies and should be avoided.

You're too much like the heroes for the monsters and too much like the monsters for the heroes.

You drag your cart through the bushes and come across a stone headed spear lying on the ground in the dust of a road winding through the forest. It takes you a few seconds to recognize it as the one you used to own. You dropped it before clambering up the tree to get into the cart in what seemed like so long ago, but was only a couple of hours, really. The ruined cart seems to be gone - someone collected the remains or it despawned.

Suddenly, you feel incredibly tired. You've been through so much when you, until recently, used to barely even think at all. You unhitch yourself from the cart, flop down onto a log, slump your shoulders and sigh. You feel uncomfortable and realise it's because your pants pockets are over full with items. You pull out the collar and orb you looted from the chief's chest. The chest was enchanted to give items you need, so perhaps one of these could give you purpose!

You duck to your cart and pull out the goggles you had stashed there, pulled them on and looked at the items.

*Collar of the Herbivore* - uncommon item. Collar that can be put around any herbivorous animal's neck. It binds immediately to the animal and causes it to gain intelligence, become very mild mannered and listen favourably to any and all instructions given by the one who applied it to the animal. Usable once only. Not usable on magical or unique creatures or boss creatures.

*Orb of Heavenly Communion* - Uncommon item. This allows the player to contact the gods and offer to make a contract. Allows players to multi-class by taking levels as a cleric or change their chosen deity. Usable once.

Huh. For items you apparently need, these suck. No weapon, no recipe, no armor, just some collar for an animal that won't fight and an orb so you can level in a class you don't want.

All you have are these goggles, which are no good in a fight, and this enhanced dick, which would only be useful in very interesting and weird fights. Speaking of your dick, why hasn't it reverted to normal yet? Surely the potion would have worn off by now. Playing a hunch you pull your waistband away from your belly and look down at your massive cock.

*Cock of the Ages* - legendary item. This cock will provoke desire in all those potentially interested in that kind of thing. The pleasure it delivers to the recipient is increased by 20% per level of the user. It can recharge rapidly. Recipients of the cock may suffer from withdrawl symptoms after a number of uses if they have not sampled its power for too long (typically 1-2 days). Made permanent and enhanced using the alchemical item known as the Eye of L'Kashin.

Well, your man-meat will be this way forever. That's something. You just wish you had someone, anyone to share it with. You think of the busty cleric and the fine, fine ass of Wylde and you realise that you'll never have someone want you in the same way you want them unless you **** them first.

You feel like giving up. You put your elbows on your knees and your hands on your chin, look into the distance and sigh.

You hear someone coming down the path. You can't bring yourself to be bothered enough to hide yourself or your cart. The person or people coming to you can decide your fate because you're sick of it.

(Author note: I'd be interested to hear what sort of animal you think the goblin will get as a pet. Something big enough for the cart would be nice. Suggestions welcome.)