Eric's Love Life Updates

By the time you and Sabrina got the drinks delivered out to the various offices across the firm’s two floors, folks were starting to show up en mass and you both received some quiet thanks from most of the regular orderers - starting tomorrow, they would be back to doing their own coffee runs in the morning until they brought in a new batch of interns.

Once you made it to the conference room, Sabrina had saved one of those big cookies for each of you, her and Eric.

“Did you see her last night?” Sabrina asked your fellow intern, doing a classic ‘offer it but pull it back’ carrot scenario.

“Yes, I saw Beth last night,” Eric sighed, rolling his eyes and leaning back in his chair again instead of continuing to try and reach across the corner of the table to accept the cookie.

“Aaaand?” Sabrina asked, sitting down as well and sliding the seran-wrapped cookie across the table to him.

“And she’s still amazing,” Eric said.

“So why do you look unhappy about that?” you asked.

“Because I leave on Saturday,” he grunted. “Because she isn’t super sure about doing long distance. Because meeting me through her Crazy Roommate upended her life, so at some point she might remember that and, I dunno, blame me?”

“But the sex was pretty fucking great, huh?” Sabrina asked with a smirk.

“Sabrina,” you scoffed. “He’s being serious.”

“So am I,” she countered, then turned to Eric. “Best you’ve ever had?”

“I… I mean, maybe…” he said, looking flustered.

“That’s because you actually, like, like each other,” Sabrina said. “More than just for looks, or want to get off, or ego. You like like her.”

“I don’t like like her,” Eric said defensively.

“OK, if you can’t admit you’re falling for her, even if it’s this soon, maybe you don’t deserve her,” you said.

“What?” he asked. “That’s not fair. It’s only been like… less than two weeks.”

“I’m not saying you need to tell her you love her,” you said. “Hell, it probably would be too soon to say that. But if she’s different from anyone else you’ve dated or hooked up with, don’t you think you might need to act differently than with everyone else?”

“Um,” Eric said, screwing up his face a little as he tore the saran off the cookie and ripped a piece off, popping it into his mouth and chewing.

“He’s not wrong,” Sabrina said. “Flirting and chemistry only gets a girl so far in terms of relationship decisions. Well, worthwhile girls. Though, to be fair, there’s plenty of girls who are attracted to toxic traits and think they are getting relationship material because of whatever trauma from their parents or siblings, but I digress - If you want to convince this girl that you’re worth putting up with the issues around long-distance, then you need to give her a good reason. Argue your case. Just remember you’re making an emotional case and not a logical one, so you need to be able to talk to her about your emotions in a reasonable way.”

Eric sighed, long and slow, shaking his head. “That’s exactly the opposite advice that all the Podcast guys suggest,” he said. “I’m not supposed to get too invested in any one girl because that turns girls off. I mean… that’s basically what happened with you two and Gemma, right? John, you’re with two ladies. You’re like the definition of a successful male using hypergamy to his advantage.”

“Oh my God,” you groaned, rubbing your forehead.

“Wait… you think Gemma and I are with John because of hypergamy?” Sabrina asked incredulously.

“Well, not just that,” Eric defended himself. “But it’s a biological imperative kind of thing, right? John has excellent prospects for the future and comes from a successful enough family to be considered, what, at least upper middle class? He’s tall, has a strong jawline. All of those are markers, biologically speaking.”

“Gemma and I both have the same amount of markers, though,” Sabrina said. “So couldn’t you say that’s just… dating? Don’t people just date within similar spheres to themselves because that’s what feels comfortable?”

“I mean, yeah, but also no,” Eric said. “Like, if you went on a dating app and set your location to Miami, say, you could make connections with guys way wealthier, better looking and prepared to provide for you - biological-imperative speaking - than John. No offense, John.”

“Uhuh,” you grunted, one eyebrow raised about as close to your hairline as it could physically get.

“But, but,” Eric continued before Sabrina could argue with him. “You and Gemma do also have similar markers, so you have the ability to invest in John. Again, I’m just talking biologically. You know that he shows potential, and since you’re not in survival mode and are also aware you will eventually outclass most men, it’s like a girl marrying the guy who she bets is going to make it to the NFL right after they graduate from high school. She isn’t doing it to be a gold digger, but her genetics are kind of doing it anyway.”

Sabrina’s mouth was working overtime, gaping like a fish gasping for air, as she tried to formulate words.

“Eric,” you said evenly. “I’m going to take a moment to speak for Sabrina here because if she starts talking she’ll end up shouting, and if she can’t formulate words soon she might reach over and rip your dick off. Please, please, consider the men you are getting this utter horse crap from. All this bullshit you’re talking about is… it sounds an awful lot like excuses.”

“No, dude, it’s science. They get the data from dating apps,” Eric said.

“You mean the absolute worst place to try and meet someone you actually like?” you asked.

“Well…”

“Did I meet Gemma or Sabrina on a dating app?”

“No,” he said.

“Did you meet Beth on a dating app?”

“Well, no,” he said.

“But you did meet her while seeing someone else, who was much worse for you, who you met one one,” you said. “Along with Lucy. And anyone else you’ve hooked up with this summer who wasn’t Beth. Except for the Podcast girl with the OnlyFans or whatever, right?”

“Well, her and the model from the show I was on,” Eric said.

“Right,” you said. “So either apps, which we both acknowledge are awful, or in the space that you learned all this rhetoric. Do you think, if apps have that sort of track record for success, that they’re producing good data at all about anything other than the app experience? And if that’s the case, do you think all the hypergamy, biological imperative BS you're saying about women might only apply to massively skewed-to-bad relationships that come out of using those apps?”

“Um,” Eric said. “Well, I mean, it’s like… historical, too.”

“What is?” Sabrina asked. “Seriously, Eric. After everything I’ve coached you on in the last week, helping you get to this place where you’re actually feeling things for Beth, please tell me what historical precedence there is for you to treat her like a gold-digging, throw-away, replaceable piece of ass?”

“OK, when you put it like that, you’re making it sound-”

“Sexist?” you filled in for him as he hesitated. “Misogynistic? Just plain mean?”

“Manipulative,” Sabrina added. “Or an excuse to be manipulative.”

Eric gulped. “How did I end up getting interrogated here?”

“Because you forgot that we aren’t the chat for your podcasts, all hyping each other up while watching a bunch of idiots inflate their own egos and give themselves excuses to be assholes to women,” Sabrina said darkly. “Gemma and I are with John because we both had basic chemistry with him, and he showed us both separately that he gives us what actually matters - because yes, he is someone with good prospects, and that’s a checkmark, and he is attractive, checkmark. But he’s also emotionally intelligent and puts in so much effort to try to understand us and react appropriately, whether that’s helping us get what we need, telling us we’re being unreasonable, or just figuring out what we’re feeling in general. He talks, and he listens, equally and fully. That’s why we’re both with him. That and he fucks like-”

You interrupted her by clearing your throat, making her cut off and smirk at you.

“We got here because you said some stuff that was wildly off base, Eric,” you said, answering his question from before Sabrina’s very complimentary rant. It made you feel good that she saw you that way - both the more superficial and personal ‘check marks’ were compliments you weren’t used to just being tossed around with such seriousness. “But we started with why you should continue with the path Sabrina helped you get on to begin with by being upfront and honest about what you wanted with Beth, and got you this far. I thought you’d already dropped all that other stuff. What the hell happened in the last 24 hours?”

“Nothing happened,” Eric said, but he flinched a little, and Sabrina glared at him until he expanded. “Beth and I had a good date last night, and we, uh, hooked up at the end. But then, as she was leaving, she was kind of quiet and said she wasn’t sure about what all of ‘this’ was still, and left instead of sleeping over. So I had the rest of the night to myself, and there was a live stream I like to tune into - one of the shows I guested on, actually, and…”

“And you got hyped up in the chat, didn’t you?” Sabrina asked flatly.

“Kind of,” Eric shrugged.

“Eric, you’re taking dating advice and pointers about women from asshole losers who haven’t been near a happy, healthy relationship in years. If ever,” Sabrina said. “And their fans aren’t exactly showing great initiative in actually succeeding at finding themselves romantic partners if they are sitting alone watching a bunch of dudes on a livestream in the evening. You only tuned in because you had time on your hands, and you knew you’d get hyped up. How many of them do you think tuned in after getting laid, let alone with a girl you actually like for more than just lust?”

Eric grimaced.

“Tell Beth you like her,” you said.

“Hell, tell her you like like her,” Sabrina added. “Make it cute. Make it playful. That could make it easier to say the first time, and you don’t want to say something like, ‘I think you’re amazing, and I want you to know I don’t want to lose where I think this can go.’ You just need to tell her what you're feeling honestly or you’re lying, which makes you a liar, and she might see through it.”

Eric grunted, and for a moment, he looked like he wanted to bring up something else and argue some more, but he sighed and fished his phone out of his pocket. “Why does everything you tell me to do sound harder than the stuff they tell me to do?”

“Because the stuff I tell you is about building something, not just trying to get into someone’s pants,” Sabrina said confidently.

“To be fair, you also give advice on that,” you deadpanned.

“OK, I give that advice too,” Sabrina smirked. “I’m versatile, OK? I give good advice based on the situation, not just one message all the time.”

“I get it, I get it,” Eric said. “I need to rethink my YouTube subscriptions.”

“Damn right,” Sabrina grinned. “Now, what are you actually sending her? If you say it right, I guarantee she’ll be squirming in her panties all day, wanting to see you.”

You sighed and shook your head, opening your laptop to actually start your last day of work. Only Sabrina could jump to that sort of visual so fast.

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