Does your fantasy partner have any dietary restrictions?

Does your fantasy partner have any dietary restrictions?

I tapped my foot, waiting for the ringing to stop. This was my second time excusing myself from dinner to try and call Charlie. It seemed the storm had let up, as my messages were going through, now. Not the old ones, but new ones.

“The person you are trying to reach has a voicemail box that is either full or not set up yet.” A stilted female voice informed me. Ever since I realized my messages were going through, I had been trying to call him. For some reason he never picked up. I left messages, but it turned out I had filled up his voicemail with **** assurances that nothing happened and that I was still madly in love with him, and that I had exciting news when I got home.

It was very unlike Charlie to not pick up the phone or call back. Even for numbers he didn’t recognize. He hadn’t even left my ocean of texts on read. According to his location, his phone was sitting at home roughly in the vicinity of our bedroom. I really hoped he hadn’t shut down, again.

He probably just hasn’t been keeping his phone on him because it doesn’t work. I tried to comfort myself with the thought. I told Kai to let me know if she could get ahold of him, to which she agreed. I sighed, turning back to enter the restaurant.

I didn’t want to come to dinner. I wanted to head straight back to the hotel, hit the gym, and masturbate. But with the potential promotion, I really needed to stay in Dane’s good graces. To make matters worse, Mary had been invited. According to Dane and Monique, it was a business dinner to discuss the move and promotions. Mary would be taking my spot as head of marketing, so she got invited.

Really it just felt like Dane wanted the old gang back together.

I tried to sit away from Mary, though it proved impossible at a circular table when Dane insisted on sitting next to Monique, his arm draped around her in a dominant, territorial way. I used to do the same with Mary. I wanted people to see us together. Now I didn’t want to be seen anywhere near her in a city where almost everyone wanted my husband to break up with me, and at a table that wanted me to break up with my husband.

“Sorry.” I said, sitting back in my chair, noticing the few inches Mary had scooted closer. She was wearing that perfume, again.

Dane looked a little annoyed, nodding as I sat back down. “Everything alright?”

“Yeah, just a little worried because of the storm. Our house is mostly glass, after all. It’s not like Charlie to not respond. I’m having a friend check on him.”

Dane gave another little nod, sipping his wine. Mary was oh, so helpful in breaking the silence. “You’re not drinking, you’re staying faithful, you’re calling and texting—Dane, I think Tori might be one of the good guys, now.” Everyone laughed. Except me, of course.

I stuck the end of my fork in my mouth, chewing on it to hold my tongue. For some reason I was really fixated on the metallic taste, today. I could hardly stop myself from sucking on the wedding ring around my neck all day. Probably a stress thing, I figured. I just needed to finish the meal, then I could go back to the hotel, pack my bags, and diddle myself until work. Then, by six o’clock tomorrow evening, I’d be back on the company jet, then in my husband’s car, then in our bed, bouncing on his dick until we were back in the honeymoon phase. Followed by more dick bouncing between meals.

“Now, now.” Dane hushed the table. “Tori worked really hard on fixing her marriage. I for one, am proud. This job is very difficult. You need something good to come home to.” The waitress arrived before I could respond, placing our plates in front of us. I’d ordered the biggest steak they made. It wasn’t going to be enough, but I could stuff my face with hotel room service after, so it would hopefully suffice. “I mean, look at her: she’s practically glowing.”

Mary took a big gulp of wine before answering. “You do look amazing, Tor. I mean, please, get me in touch with your artist.” She pointed to the strained button of my top, then made an open hand gesture around her face.

I shook my head, swallowing a slice of steak. “I didn’t get anything done. I just started using the gym to work out instead of gossiping with miserable divorced bitches.”

Dane laughed, coughing on his wine. Mary and Monique just took a quiet bite of food. I flashed him a small grin, even though my next comment was targeted at Mary, who was no doubt going to dramatize and exaggerate the tale to those very same miserable divorced bitches. “Turns out miserable friends makes for an unhappy love life.”

“They’ve had bad luck with partners…” Mary muttered.

“Yeah, all of them for over fifteen years.” I nodded, turning to her. Mary wasn’t an evil woman, despite being ruthless. Lonely and obsessive? Sure. Needed to reexamine how much she prioritized kinks in a relationship? Definitely. But she was not evil. Not by nature, anyway. “Really makes you wonder.” I knew I shouldn’t, but I did still care about Mary.

Setting aside that it coincided with my marriage, we did have an active and committed relationship for over three years. Truthfully, I loved her. Somewhere I still did, but the love changed. What we did was wrong, and that was part of the fun. But Mary was in a unique position because she didn’t hurt anybody she cared about. She didn’t have to fix a relationship, or move away. For her, this was a break up and after everything with her dad and church, she was very bad with goodbyes.

I didn’t want Mary to suffer. Not really. I wanted her to wake up and see what I saw. And then go be happy without me.

“Woof.” Monique giggled, trying to ease the tension. “Sometimes you just don’t find the right person.” She shrugged. “Sometimes your priorities are different, or your needs.” She reached under the table and squeezed Dane’s thigh.

“Yeah. I mean, I couldn’t imagine being with someone who wasn’t a winner. I need someone ambitious. Motivated. Accomplished.” Mary shrugged, trying to not sound like she was insulting Charlie. “Not too many gay girls like that in this world. But maybe New York will be a whole new adventure.”

I knew what she was insinuating. “You’ll get there.” Monique purred, nibbling at Dane’s ear.

“You know, I don’t like telling people this, but Charlie paid for my grad school.”

“On a teacher’s salary?” Dane asked with disbelief.

I nodded, finishing my last bite of steak. “I used to think I wanted to marry a nice, rich, beautiful person. But then I realized I had to pick two, and rich handsome assholes are never home.”

“So you picked someone who was nice, twice.” Mary laughed too hard, Monique and Dane joining in. It was a joke. So were a lot of those texts. You can’t just respect him when he’s around.

“No more of that.” I patted my lips with my napkin, breath shaky. They still laughed. I slapped my hand on the table, harder than I wanted, making a bang that shocked every one, even nearby tables. “No more of that.” I repeated, more firm. Dane looked at me, almost offended, which I couldn’t help but look away from.

“Oh, grow up.” Monique sank back in her chair, sipping her wine.

“Come on, Tori, she was clearly joking.” Dane pushed, inviting me to apologize.

“It’s hurtful.”

“So we won’t tell him.” Dane shook his head, leaning forward. I felt my fist tighten, bending the handle of my fork with surprising ease. I looked up from the table cloth and drew on a humorless smile.

“Did you ever wonder where ‘Lexi’ came from?” I asked, mentioning the nickname we used to refer to Dane’s wife, Georgia.

Immediately Monique looked up at me with horror. I felt Mary’s hand grab my elbow. “Look, I’m sorry, ok.” She whispered, leaning in. “No more jokes like that.” She assured me. “Please, let’s go talk outside.”

Dane studied me, still looking boyish. “What are you saying?”

“I don’t know what she’s talking about.” Monique wrapped around his arm. “I just made it up.”

“It’s a joke.” I laughed, leaning on an elbow.

“Tori, please, I swear to God, I won’t mention him ever again. Please don’t do this.” Mary begged in my ear.

I ignored her, keeping my eyes fixed on Dane. “I came up with it a while ago, but never used it until you started going with Monique. She thought it was just too funny not to use.”

“Dane, sweetie, I swear, I have no clue what she’s talking about. It’s just a name.”

Dane ignored his whimpering bitch, too, locking eyes with me. “I don’t get it.”

“It’s short.” I picked up my water, knocking back a quick sip of water as Mary continued begging, pulling on my arm. I let out a satisfied sigh, finally having the courage to get this off my chest. I am so about to be fired. “For Lexapro.”

I watched Dane’s boyish face age ten years in an instant. I could see his heart sinking through his pupils. The color in his eyes became greyer, his forehead creased, his chin drooped, bringing out a loose double chin. His hand went to twist his ring finger, but found no ring.

The air around us froze, leaving only the french music and bustling tables that had seemed silent before. Monique looked at me with murderous intent. Mary squeezed my arm like a vice. And Dane stared down at his half-eaten plate.

“You know, since she’s been zoomed out on downers since, what was it, Regina?”

“I get it…” He nodded, worrying his teeth with his tongue.

“Dane, I didn’t know.” He yanked his arm out of Monique’s grip, staring down at his left hand for what might’ve been the first moment of introspection he’d ever had. My heart was racing, but I stayed calm, reaching into my wallet and tossing out three-hundred for the bill.

“What’s the matter? Just don’t tell her.” I stood up, and started marching to the exit. I caught a glimpse at our waitress and pulled my wallet back out, remembering how Charlie always tipped 30%. I grabbed the one-hundred that was remaining and shoved it into her hand, pointing at my table. “They don’t tip. Have a good night.”

I threw the door open and waltzed into the cool night. Holy shit, I was so fired. The promotion. New York, all down the drain. I felt like laughing and crying all at once, panic setting in. I needed to find a new job. Something in our small town. Goodbye corporate America… Goodbye dreams.

“Fuck!” I squatted down under a street light, hand banging against it. Why does he have to make it look so easy? Oh, to be Charlie and lose only friendships when they insult his whore. “Fuck!” Tears streamed down my face as I heard high heels click behind me. Mary’s hand touched my back.

“Why would you do that?” Mary asked, more trying to process everything herself. “You just blew up your career! What are we going to do?”

“Mary, I’m still in bitch mode, so you need to grow the fuck up.” I snapped, standing up. “I loved you. In another life, I’d have married you. But we don’t get to live another life. We don’t get to live out fantasies every day and pretend like reality doesn’t exist. Stop chasing the dream and go find a real person who exists outside your little fantasy. This one’s taken.”

She looked up at me with teary eyes, sniffling like a little girl, but trying to put a brave face on it. “I…” She looked down, eyes stopping at my chest, which caused her to drop to her knees. “YOU’RE PREGNANT!?” She sobbed, staring at my torso.

“What?” I shook my head. Maybe I really did need to cut back on all the food. “No, Mary, this isn’t about me being—“ I looked down, seeing dark stains on my chest. Did I spill my water? I reached a hand up to touch the stain and identify it, but as I pushed down, I felt something spray out my nipples! The stain on my right breast grew larger. “WHAT THE FUCK!?” I turned on my heel and ran to my car, leaving Mary sobbing on the sidewalk, a nearby woman from the restaurant coming out to check on her.

“What the fuck?” I slammed the car door and started unbuttoning my shirt. I stopped after the first button, seeing the blinking green dot from the dash cam of the company car. “Fuck!” I clumsily fished the key out of my pocket, missing the ignition hole. “Fuck!” I slammed it but missed again. “Fuck!” On the third attempt it went in and I screeched out of the parking lot.

I couldn’t be pregnant. I had an IUD, Charlie had a vasectomy and I sure as shit wasn’t getting laid anywhere else. Neither of us wanted kids. I never wanted them, I wasn’t mother material and thought they’d get in the way of my plan of making shit loads of money. Early on, Charlie said he was open to them later in life. Then he said he did enough parenting as a teacher and got the vasectomy shortly after his first year. We never rediscussed it after that. It was a done deal.

I swerved the car into the pharmacy parking lot, parking unevenly. I reached for my jacket in the passenger seat, but found it empty. “Fuck!” I left it at the restaurant. The wet spots were super noticeable. “Fuck…”

I kicked the car door open and slammed it behind me. I marched into the store and grabbed a plastic basket by the entrance. Head held high, fuck anyone who stares. I took controlled, even steps towards the back of the store. I was not going to lose control.

Crack! The heel on my right shoe snapped off to the side, almost making me fall over. “Fuck.” I muttered, assessing the damage. It was completely fucked. My left heel looked to be buckling, too, my foot hanging a bit off the back. They did feel a little small, even though they were a size… bigger.

Swollen feet. My hands, too! It was all making sense! No, no, no! I couldn’t be pregnant! I refused! I yanked the heels off my feet and threw them in a trashcan, quickening my pace, somewhat as made my way into the women’s health section. I found the pregnancy tests, slid my hand behind the furthest on the shelf, and shoved all of them into my basket.

What if someone else needs one? I heard Charlie’s bleeding heart in my head. Myeh myeh-myeh, other people. I shook my head, making a disgusting face as I returned a single box back to the shelf in case some poor teenager had an emergency.

My stomach growled, painfully. Eating for two… I whined at the thought, but couldn’t resist going to the snacks section. I tossed a six pack of protein shakes into my caddy. Then a box of nature valley bars. Rice Krispie treats. Chex-Mix. Fuck, bottled water sounds so good. Six pack of the huge Smart Waters. Better get a pack of napkins, too.

My caddy was overflowing with food, but there was a craving. A craving none of the snacks could seem to identify. Pregnancy cravings are so weird.

No, I wasn’t pregnant. I was just having an episode. I was under a lot of stress and just had something traumatic happen. I was having a psychosomatic response. I just thought I was pregnant and so my mind was playing tricks on me to distract me from the fact that I just threw away all my hopes and dreams.

At the register, I saw a pack of reusable metal straws and tossed them into my bag. The cashier, who had been staring at her phone looked up as I set my caddy down with a heavy thud. It didn’t feel that heavy. “Hi, do you have a phone number with—“ she stopped, looking at the assortment of items I had. “—us?”

“Yeah.” I nodded. “(971)555-4892. Should be under Charlie?”

“Parvel?” The girl asked, trying not to look at me.

“Can we get that switched to ‘Washington’?” I asked, smiling too brightly. He’s mine. I put my name on him.

The girl nodded, typing something onto the computer, the name updating. I felt a great deal of relief at seeing it. Charlie Washington was so pleasant a thing to read, I thought. The girl started by scanning all the snacks, hefting the pack of waters. I flashed her a quick smile when she looked up at me with a strange look. She went back to scanning until she got to the blanket of pregnancy tests.

She let out a deep sigh, looking at the wet spots on my chest. “Miss, can I save you some money?” She looked me dead in the eyes. “You’re pregnant.”

“You’re wearing rainbow dog ears and a cat tail. Are women not allowed to have a psychotic break in Portland of all places?”

“Whatever.” She rolled her eyes, beginning to scan the tests. My eyes landed on a pack of gum by the register.

“This, too.” I tossed the pack into the caddy.

After paying. I ran out to the car, chewing on three pieces of gum. I threw the bags onto the seat and reached into my mouth to pull out the gum, flattening the wad onto the lens the interior facing camera of the dash cam. “There we go… just a little privacy.”

I unbuttoned my blouse, ripping open the package of napkins. Yup. My breasts were definitely swollen and a little veiny. My nipples were beading milk, dripping down into my bra and soaking my shirt. “Ok…” I grabbed fistfuls of napkins,stuffing them into my bra. Then I cracked open two protein shakes, chugging them without any delay.

Still hungry, but we can drive.

As I pulled onto the interstate, I finished my first bottle of water. I had thought I was craving the water, but for some reason the plastic just… I kept running my tongue over the cap, feeling its texture. I pulled the cap off and started chewing on it, despite the little scratches it made on my cheeks. Once my teeth flattened and folded it, it became an incredibly pleasant sensation to chew on.

The water filled up my bladder, which was good given the amount of tests I needed to do.

Mmm, I’m gonna drink so much water on the flight, piss down Charlie’s throat the second I see him the little slut… I reached my hand under my waistband and started rubbing my clit. I was so wet downstairs. I’d gone all day with need.

Oddly, it was easier to focus as I was masturbating and driving.

If I was pregnant, that was not good. It was a very bad time to be pregnant, we were both unemployed. Or at least soon to be. Charlie was good with kids, but I decidedly wasn’t. I thought we were safe. Vasectomy, IUD, nothing had changed.

I pulled into the hotel parking lot and clumsily ripped the bags off the seat and carried them with me to the lobby. I went very quickly to the elevator, covering my body with the bags. I needed to meet with my OBGYN pronto.

The elevator opened and I peeked my head out. Nobody left. Nobody right. I sprinted out of the elevator towards my room, carpet burning my bare feet.

My phone alarm went off. Time to take my medicine. I suddenly stopped, just in front of my door. Everything clicked into place. The swelling, the sweating, the arousal, the lactation. All of it was after I started taking those pills.

“THAT’S WHAT THEY ARE!?” My heart sank to the floor and my stomach turned. “That’s your big fantasy!?” A door swung open, a very tired looking man shooting me a dirty look. I held up my phone, pretending I’d just been talking into it, plastering on a fake smile. He shook his head and disappeared back into his room.

I scanned my key and kicked my door open, returning to panic. “No, he wouldn’t do that.” I calmed myself, throwing the food bags onto my bed. “Charlie wouldn’t do that.” I reiterated, walking into the bathroom with all the pregnancy tests.

I sat on the floor of the shower, placing all the little cups in a tight cluster. “Charlie gets enough parenting as a teacher.” I reminded myself. Immediately my fist slammed into the wall of the shower, making a hole. “Which he doesn’t do anymore you moron!”

This was his ****. I ruined his career, so he was going to ruin mine. Put me on fertility pills so he could baby trap me so I’m tied to him forever. I tearfully tossed my pants and panties off onto the pile of discarded cardboard boxes. I was too horny not to rub myself.

Fuck, this would have actually been a really sexy surprise if they were some sort of sex pill or something. Some kind of fantastical pharmaceutical that morphed my body to his desires, like something out of a seedy hentai comic.

I crouched down and started pissing, waddling and leaning awkwardly to try and fill each cup evenly.

I cheated on him for three years. I robbed him of his career, I abused him, manipulated him, and broke him. Nobody could come out of the other side of that a good person. Not even my Charlie.

I deserved this. If this was happening, I would do it. He wanted a kid? He would have it. He always had that ‘higher calling’ to make the world a better place. He’d make a good dad.

“I fucked it up! I drank!” I slapped my forehead, my stream finally ending. No drinking, he had said! “I fucked your kid up. I had one fucking instruction!”

I stopped rubbing myself despite the heat and grabbed the pile of testing sticks, dropping each one into their plastic cups. “I’m a piece of shit. I’m just like his mom. Fuck!” I dropped the last test in and ran to the bedroom, ripping open the stainless steel straws and cracking open a monster energy. Not like I’m gonna be sleeping, anyways…

The straw felt good in my mouth. Even as I sucked the energy drink, I kept chewing the metal, grinding it between my teeth, sucking on it like a tiny dick. I didn’t even really care about the monster. The metal tasted nice. Felt like the craving.

I went back into the shower, eyes fixed on the hole in the shower. You can’t throw money away anymore. I was just like an animal. I didn’t think. I didn’t reason. I just did. Fuck, I was an idiot. I shouldn’t’ve gotten myself fired like that. We had good maternity benefits. Maybe I could beg for my job back.

I let out a sigh and started examining the tests.

Positive.

I stopped my fist an inch away from the glass door. “Ok…” I poured the cup down the drain and started a pile.

Positive. “No… no, please.” I sniffled, poring the urine down the drain and adding it to the pile.

Negative.

My heart jumped. I knew this is what he wanted, but I was scared. I couldn’t. I would, but I couldn’t. I made a new pile.

Negative.

Negative.

Positive.

Negative.

Positive.

Positive.

Positive.

Positive.

Negative.

Forty-eight tests. Twenty four results in each direction. “Fucking useless!” I kicked the piles, sending them flying. “Fuck!” I ran into the bedroom, powering on my tablet.

I ripped open the Rice Krispies, shoving one into my mouth without even unwrapping it. The foil’s texture was good down my throat. “Fine! I’ll go make an appointment.” I rubbed a swollen spot above my mound. “I’ll get my birth control taken out.” I opened Reddit, immediately greeted by big fake tits bouncing in my face. “And I’ll fucking breed you. Then we’re even.”

***

I was exhausted by the time my alarm went off. I’d been up the whole night gorging on food—and non-food—and masturbating. I tried composing several texts to Charlie, but couldn’t bring myself to send any of them. This needed to be done in person. The milk stopped after a little while.

I put no effort into my appearance. I threw on my tight sneakers, a blouse, pants that barely fit, then hastily shoved all my clothes into my suitcases. I left a fifty for the maids and made my way to my last day.

I turned the car keys in at the front desk on my way up, then trudged over to my office. I just wanted my picture frame and jewelry box. But Dane was leaning against my door. He looked older. He didn’t stand as tall. He wore his glasses. “My office.” He motioned for me to follow.

I probably wasn’t even gonna get the chance to beg.

Monique wasn’t at her desk. We walked in and he closed the door behind me. Neither of us had slept.

“Dane, I know you have to fire me. But please. I can’t…”

“Fire you? I need you to step into Miller’s role.”

“Look, I can’t… stay. Fire me, but I’ll beg you to just demote me so I can work from home—“

“You’re going back to Lake Faron. You’re getting fiber internet, and if the board fights me on your appointment next year, I will shoot them in the face with a gun.”

I wrinkled my brow, looking up at him. I should be dead, right now. “Dane…”

“Last night I went home and asked Georgia if she would leave me without the prenup. She didn’t hesitate. I didn’t think it would hurt. I thought it would be a relief to both of us. But it was only for her.” He blew air out of his cheek. “I’m gonna pay her out more than fairly. I know whatever you’re doing with Charlie is harder work than we can throw at you. And if you’re willing to tell your own boss off in front of his mistress, then that shows exactly the kind of hard nosed attitude I need. Everyone’s always let me do what I please. I trust you’ll make sure an adult is running this company.”

“Dane, I—“

“You get the rest of today off. Fly home early. I’ll try to give you three month’s warning for any business trips and we’ll cover Charlie if he ever wants to join you.”

“I think I’m pregnant.”

“Then it’d be stupid to quit, now. Go home, see you online on Monday. I’ll hold on to Miller’s spot until you recover.” He pointed his chin at the door. Short and sweet. I couldn’t even manage words. I was so tired. I felt so gross. I knew I should be jumping for joy, but I could barely even process that the news was surprising. “Oh, and if that’s true, congratulations. Charlie would make a good dad, I think.”

I smiled, nodding. Yeah, he would. “Gonna pre-enroll the kid into therapy for mommy issues, though.” I gave Dane a wink and stood up. He chuckled.