Debugging

Gil stayed on the move all night, only stopping when he was fairly certain that dawn had come by any logical measurement. He’d been worried about Boco getting tired, but as far as he could tell the chocobo was still as fresh as a daisy after hours of intermittent flight. Perhaps these were a migratory type of bird, who needed to cross entire oceans? That would explain the incredible stamina.

He decided, graciously, that Vanessa had in fact offered him a fairly good product for his two credits. Even if he had to tune Boco up a bit to add flight, he served as an excellent chassis. There was just one thing that he really needed to do, and he needed to be careful about it. He needed to get Snow the fuck out of Hellhound’s territory, and he had only one plan for how to do so that wouldn’t be borderline suicidal.

He tugged the reins and pointed Boco back towards the Leviathan Memorial. He got there in half an hour, much of which was him approaching on foot so he wouldn’t draw undue attention. Once he arrived, he saw Keilnei and a girl with wavy black hair sitting upon the skyblock. The new girl was shaking in terror, and he really hoped that she hadn’t been a soul pact. Mei was bad enough; he didn’t need useless retinue members in good worlds.

“Where’s Candress?” He asked, holding his hand out for his tablet. He could ask about the new girl once everyone he actually cared about was accounted for.

He checked his shop, saw that the body swapping apparatus would run him 15 credits, and shrugged. He spent it immediately, and the skyblock heaved beneath his feet.

The new girl shrieked, drowning out Keilnei’s answer. She was clinging to the taller woman, eyes wide in stark terror.

“Sorry,” Gil shouted, watching the new marble cube rise out of the void with the apparatus placed at its center. “I didn’t catch that! I’m pretty sure Snow may be in danger so I’m a bit focused on that right now. Can Candress wait?”

“Ah.” Keilnei said, clearly put out with him but accepting the excuse of Snow. “I believe she is in no immediate danger. I think she underwent some manner of trial to join the Merchants.”

Gil stopped for a moment when he heard that, but he didn’t have time to do more than the most elementary consideration. He barely bothered to examine the stone slab covered in leather straps and wires, which looked like the kind of table Dr. Frankenstein would animate his monster upon. He tapped the panel on the apparatus a few times, thankful as always that The Company was consistent enough to make their stuff easy to figure out. He set a sixty second timer.

“Well then.” He said, “That'll be fun. Alright, don’t untie her while she’s me, but ask her what is going on.”

Gil laid on the body swapping apparatus, willed it to strap him in, and let a metal bowl at the head of the table descend over his face.

Then, he was Snow. It felt quite a lot like how he imagined character cards must feel, based on his prior experiences in power swapping. Easy enough to adjust that he didn’t waste time on feeling himself up or cataloguing his own capabilities, anyway. He glanced around and saw that he was apparently in the middle of a standoff.

Two men wearing battered but ostentatious outfits had Snow cornered in a modestly sized room, but they seemed unwilling to advance towards her. Of course, the two large shaggy canines forming a bulwark against any such intrusion were probably responsible for that. Blackpaw and a dog that reminded him vaguely of a border collie, save that it was larger than some humans he’d met, were glaring at the two men, occasionally letting out rumbling growls. There were dozens of other dogs in the room, all of whom were taking Snow’s side.

He didn’t really know how he knew that. They weren’t exactly saying words. It just seemed entirely obvious what their barking meant to Gil, at least while he was in Snow’s body. The caged dogs liked her but were hoping for more food. The two canines out on the floor were getting sleepy; they’d been standing vigil for hours. Blackpaw looked back at him, and the question “can I kill him now?” Was loud and clear.

“No.” Gil said, his voice coming out lilting and honey sweet, “So, is there any chance you could let me leave with these two? I’ll take good care of them.”

“What happened to talking to the boss?” The shorter of the two men asked with a sneer that looked like he practiced it in the mirror. “What, you getting cold feet now?”

Gil just about opened his mouth to respond before he was himself again.

“She said that she was waiting to speak to Miss Hellhound, but the men working for her were terribly rude and thought she was trying to hurt the dogs.” Keilnei said. “Apparently the woman’s servants are unwilling to harm her hounds or to let Snow leave.”

Gil nodded thoughtfully, willed the apparatus to let his arms loose, and leaned over onto the pad again. He pressed a few more buttons, and this time he gave Keilnei orders to monitor Blackpaw and reverse the change if the wolf was seriously injured, recalled, or Gil summoned the tablet back to the box.

••••••••••

Bitch sat in the corner, arms crossed, as the whole night fell apart into talking. Nobody knew what to say to Coil after a failed mission, so they were all talking in circles.

“What were we supposed to do?” Grue demanded, “We make plans. How are we supposed to make plans to bring in someone when we don’t even know the first thing about him?”

“I told you we should have at least tried talking to the guy!” Skitter said, “Of course he scampered off the second we got close.”

Imp, Grue’s twin sister, looked at Skitter and frowned.

“Talk? Fuck that.” Imp asked, “I’m not talking to someone who’s getting all cozy with the Chosen.”

“I don’t think he’s a true believer.” Tattletale said, leaning against the wall and staring at her cell phone, “If he was, I think he’d have probably stuck around to back them up. We aren’t really set up to take the Chosen in a fair fight; he could have probably just regrouped with the rest of them if he was actually part of the team. Once he started teleporting, the **** was already probably doomed.”

“He believed in them enough to give Menja some kind of fucky alien armor.” Regent pointed out, “When you start tossing around shit like that, it kind of stops mattering if it’s personal or not.”

“Yeah, well, the boss wants to hire him.” Tattletale said, “I think he might just be a mercenary, but he’s not going through any of the normal channels for some reason. There must be something weird about his process, or he’d be making a killing as a member of the Workshop. Maybe he can’t do comissions for some reason? Like, he goes into a fugue state and wakes up and now he has a flying emu? Anyway, stop distracting me. I’m going over the map of where we saw him; maybe if he has his own lair we can try tracking him down.”

Bitch didn’t really care. She was pissed; they’d been running around all night and hadn’t caught anything, and she was tired. She doubted they’d want her for this part. She got up to leave.

“Bitch!” Grue called. “Where are you going?”

“Home.”

“Let her go,” Tattletale said, “I don’t think she’ll be the best inclusion if we do decide to approach with a flag of truce.”

Bitch just wanted to be with her dogs; on the way back to the train yard she let go and enjoyed the wind in her hair. Bentley mostly knew the way, she didn’t need to change directions constantly, she was just running with her pack all the way home.

When she got back, her minions were panicking. One of them ran out to meet her, which they never did. They knew better than to run at the dogs when they were powered up. She was already snarling by the time he opened his mouth.

“Bitch!” He yelled, “Someone broke into the trouble kennels! We think she’s a cape!”

Bitch sighed. Most of her dogs were only half trained, and she’d used her power on all of the best behaved ones so they could act as mounts and leaders for the rest. She couldn't trust most of them indoors yet, especially not in her own house. Right now Angelica, the best behaved, wouldn’t fit at all.

“Are the capes fighting her?” She asked while she picked out two of the smaller ones. “Stay! Socks, Lucy, follow.”

“Uh. No, the dogs are protecting her and she said she wanted to talk to you.” He said, “So, well, we’ve been keeping an eye on her.”

“You let her fuck with my dogs?” Bitch growled.

He shrank back.

“Not exactly!” He said, “Barker and Biter said they didn’t want to risk hurting them, so…”

Bitch grunted. That was smart, but she was still angry. What was the point in having minions if they couldn’t take care of anything without her babysitting them?

She followed the sound of agitated barking to the kennels where they kept the difficult cases. Rachel worked with them when she had time, but she doubted any of them would ever be allowed to wander loose. Too aggressive, too dangerous, too impulsive. She walked in past her minions and took in the scene.

Someone had let Boulder out. Rachel had no idea what idiot had thought raising a Caucasian Shepherd in a city was a good idea, but she hoped they died before they abandoned Boulder. He was standing with his side pressed against a girl who definitely looked like a cape. She was too pretty, and she had a little tiara and skirt and everything. She’d also brought a dog of her own. A big one… maybe even an actual wolf, come to think of it. He was way too big to be a husky, but he was also pressed close to the woman.

“Who the hell are you?” Bitch asked, scratching at her bulldog mask.

“Oh, hello!” The woman said, “My name is Snow White! Are you Miss Hellhound?”

“Bitch.” Bitch said.

“I beg your pardon?” Snow White asked, pressing a few fingers to her lips. “Did I say something wrong?”

“No, idiot.” Bitch said, relaxing in spite of herself, “My name is Bitch. Only my enemies call me Hellhound.”

“Oh… oh I'm so sorry, Miss…” Snow White visibly steeled herself before continuing with a whisper, “Bitch. I didn’t mean to offend you.”

From anyone else, Bitch would have assumed, immediately, that she was being mocked. Nobody else she knew talked like that, not even the weirdos who pretended to care about “bad language.” Somehow, though, Bitch could just feel the sincerity wafting off of her like a stink.

“Alright, what are you doing here?” Bitch asked, shaking her head. “I’ve just had a long night.”

“Well, two things.” Snow said, “First, I was hoping to adopt a dog. I heard you take care of strays, and Boulder here has been delightful. I think he’ll fit quite nicely into our family. Second-“

The wolf let out a plaintive whine, and Snow White abruptly clammed up.

“Oh. Well never mind that.” She said, “I just hoped to introduce myself. Me and my friends are visiting the town, you see.”

“You planning on muscling into my territory?” Bitch demanded.

“Oh no!” Snow White said, “Not without permission! We were hoping we might be neighbors.”

The wolf whined again, clearly disappointed. Was the wolf the one really in charge here? Some kind of shapeshifter cape?

Bitch snorted, then realized that it definitely hadn’t been sarcasm. That didn’t change anything; it was just weird someone would even think to ask. She pulled off her mask and squinted at the woman, trying to get a better read on her.

“That’s not gonna happen.” Bitch said, “Nobody lives on my territory unless they work for me. Don’t set up anywhere else in Brockton Bay if you’re part of some kind of team. We have enough of those already.”

“Oh. Alright.” Snow White said, “I’m sorry to have bothered you, then. Come along, you two.”

“Stop.” Bitch said, stiffening, “You don’t get to just walk off with one of my dogs.”

“Oh, but Boulder is so horribly unhappy here!” Snow White said, “He told me how lonely he is. I think he’ll be much happier if you let him come along with us.”

Bitch looked at her useless minions. She couldn’t afford to look weak in front of them. She couldn’t cave too easily, even if she believed this weirdo. She could tell Snow White was sincere, she at least thought she was honest, but lots of idiots who didn’t know how to take care of dogs thought that way.

“How do I know you won’t just keep him in a different cage or do something stupid like letting kids rip out his fur?” Bitch demanded, “I don’t know anything about you, except you’re a cape. You could be planning on… I don’t know, eating him or something.”

“Oh no, I would never!” Snow White said, “Master-“

The wolf barked again plaintively. He placed one paw on the bridge of his nose in a distinctly human gesture.

“Er. Mister Nomad takes very good care of everyone in his charge.” Snow White said, “Just look at Blackpaw, here. We only adopted him a little over a month ago. Silky is doing quite well for herself, and Terra went to a good home as a guard dog for one of Nomad’s friends!”

Bitch narrowed her eyes. She wasn’t expecting this, but she wasn’t stupid. This was an opportunity. She wasn’t good at talking pretty words to trap people, but she had to at least try.

“Ok… you can take Boulder, but I want to talk to your boss first.” Bitch said, “Nomad, that new biotinker in town, right?”

The wolf, Blackpaw, shuddered. He settled into a more defensive, wary posture.

“Oh, I’m sure that would be just fine.” Snow said, “He’ll need to come pick me up soon any-“

Snow White blinked a few times, and then her posture shifted. She became more guarded, more distant.

“Alright.” She said, “I’m going to borrow Snow’s body for a minute. Forgive me if I don’t want to meet up in person.”

Bitch squared her shoulders. Snow White had seemed kinda stupid but mostly harmless. Whoever this was seemed more dangerous. More like a leader. Bitch immediately disliked her.

“Nomad?” She asked, genuinely confused, “How the hell are you doing that?”

“Trade secret.” Nomad said with a smile. “Come on, I’ve got appointments to keep. I’d appreciate you not taking Snow hostage given that I sent her here in good faith, but if you do I should warn you that you won’t be able to keep her. I’m very fond of her, you see.”

As she spoke, the woman who had been Snow pulled two red and white balls off their belts and pointed them at the two dogs. Both vanished in a flash of red light.

“There.” She said. “Snow is at your mercy. So, what was your plan? Why were you trying to merc me?”

There was something about this smug dickhead that pissed Bitch off. Just like with Snow, she totally understood every word and got all the nuances. It’s just that where with Snow that meant she knew how earnest the girl was, with Nomad she was just keenly aware of the fact that he really was taking her lightly. It was better than being uncertain, sure, but fuck him anyway.

“Someone hired us to drag you back to meet him.” Bitch said, lowering her voice to a growl, “We can still do that if you’re going to be an asshole.”

“I wouldn’t suggest it.” Nomad said, Snow's face growing somber, “Snow doesn’t really know all that much, and I think you can understand what I’d do to someone who hurt my people. I’m not your enemy yet, just a new neighbor. So, if you let me talk to the guy on the phone or something, that could work out just fine. I’ll be charging extra for him being an asshole, though.”

“Whatever, I'll get paid for it. Stay here.” Bitch said, and turned to her minions. “Don’t let her leave.”

••••••••••

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