Days 119-171

Day 119

Axel left for his secret mission. I started my daily missions again. I went to the other castle with Xaldin. A beast lives there. Xaldin says the beast has something to protect and that is his weakness. That can’t be true, can it? I talked with Xion about it and she was as clueless as me. I wonder if love is connected to the wanting to protect something.

Day 149

Today’s mission took me to a new, strange, world. Afterward I had ice cream on the clock tower. Axel was able to join me. He’s back from his mission.

“Hey, Roxas.”

“Axel, you’re back!”

He sits down next to me. “Yup. I just got home.” He lets out an exasperated sigh. “So, how are you holding up?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

“I’m happy to hear. Where’s Xion?”

“She isn’t here yet, which is weird. She’s usually here by now.” A long silence pass as I eat my ice cream. “This isn’t like her.” I hope she’s ok.

Day 150

On my way to see Saix for my mission I saw Xion pleading with him in the hall. I wonder what it was about.

“Just give me another chance.” The man turns to look at her. “We can’t afford that. You were a mistake we never should of made.”

Saix turns back and walks away, leaving Xion there. I approach her, worry plaguing my mind. “Xion?” She turns to look at me, a downtrodden look on her face. Then she’s walking past me, completely ignoring me.

I meet up with Axel after today’s mission. I should ask him about the wanting to protect something.

“Is there anything you couldn’t bear to lose?” I ask.

“What’s that about?”

“Well, I met someone the other day who had something like that. This thing was so important he couldn’t bear to lose it. Xaldin said that was his weakness. I was wondering if I had anything like that.”

“You’d know it if you did. If there’s anything you find yourself worrying about often then yeah, I’d say you have something.” His words made me think of Xion. I’d feel broken if something were to happen to her. “I see.”

“I know… it would be difficult for me, if I were to lose you.”

“Really?” I look at Axel and see a very serious look on his face.

“Yeah.”

“Yeah, you’re right. I couldn’t bear to lose you or Xion.”

His face softens a little. “That’s good.”

Day 151

I was sent to Twilight Town again. Upon arrival I noticed Xion was atop the clock tower. It was early so I went up after her to see what was up. Something's going on with her. I hope she’ll be ok.

“Hey, Xion.” She’s standing at the edge, watching the sun. “Roxas?” I walk to her side and watch the sunset too. “Don’t you have a mission?” She asks.“Yeah, they sent me here today.”

“Really? Me too.” We stand there for a few moments as an awkward silence hangs in the air. “Listen, Roxas. I’m sorry about yesterday. I shouldn’t of ran off like that.”

“Oh that? It didn’t bother me.” I say, like a liar.

“I was upset. I messed up a mission really bad. You’ve heard of the guy pretending to be one of us? The Organization imposter?” I hadn’t heard of anything like that but I let her continue. “I was order to take him out… but I couldn’t beat him. Saix was so mad, he called me a mistake.”

“Oh… wow...I’m sorry.” I wanted to say more. Something with a bit more substance but, I was speechless.

“Don’t be. That jerk can say whatever he wants. I can take it.”

Another moment of silence passes as an idea starts to form. “Hey, Xion, why don’t we work together today? If we team up we’ll be able to finish both our missions quickly.” She thinks for a second before agreeing.

Together we search the town, defeating any heartless we come across. I like working with Xion, we make a good team. After work we head to the clock tower with ice cream but I was the only one eating.

I look around and notice our friend is missing. “I wonder where Axel is.” Xion doesn’t answer me. “I guess we worked a little too quickly, huh?” Xion wasn’t answering me and has this thousand yard stare. “Xion!” I say trying to break her from her trance. “Are you ok?”

She gives me an apologetic glance. “Sorry, my mind’s on other things.” She turns back to me once again, this time a serious look on her face. “Roxas, do you ever think about why we’re doing this?”

“You mean for the Organization? It’s so we can get our own hearts, right?” Her face drops and she looks back out to the sun. “But what do we need hearts for?” That’s a great question. “I don’t know.”

“I just wish I knew what I was doing here.” She brings her hand to her face, covering it. She’s clearly in a lot of pain. I should really do something. She continues.”I’ve been having the strangest dreams.”

“Like nightmares?”

“I never remember what they're about. I just… wake up scared.”

Xion gets up and starts to walk away. I can’t let her suffer this by herself. I catch up to her and wrap my arms around her, hugging her from behind.

“Xion, I want you to know that… I’ll always be here for you.” Xion gives me a small nod before removing my arms from her body and wiggling out of my grasp. She continues back down the clock tower without looking back.

I stay at our usual spot and wait. Axel eventually finds his way here. I leave most of the talking to him. I’m not in the mood for it anymore.

Day 152

I had another dream of that man. It looked like he was at a crossroads. It was cryptic and didn’t make much sense. I met Axel after work. I asked him if he noticed something wrong with Xion. He said girls are complicated and that she was fine. I’m not so sure.

Day 170

Axel and Xion have stopped showing up. It’s pretty lonely.

Day 171

I went on another mission at the beast’s castle. The Heartless were so tough the beast was injured fighting them. Thankfully I was able to defeat the remaining Heartless after the beast had weakened them. Before I was able to RTC I saw a woman tending to the beast’s wounds. The way they talked to each other. The way she cared for him. I didn’t understand it but I could tell they loved each other very much. It reminded me of day 151. I wanted to be there for Xion the way the woman was for the beast. I also wanted Axel to be there for me when I needed him. I wanted to love them both.