Daring to open up.

Nothing happened to interrupt us during lunch break, so we went directly to the old music room. The girls kept talking about this and that, and while I was silent, it wasn’t for any fear of speaking this time. Throughout class and even then, I was still thinking about my sister’s words.

“Fucking dammit, Oliver! Do you always have to be so rude? Say something, for fuck’s sake!” That was what my sister had yelled at me.

I kept silent for several reasons. One was because indecision and fear of ridicule froze me in place, but I also wanted to prevent myself from saying something rude by accident, to not bother people and make them dislike me more. But if even staying quiet pissed people off, then…

“Hey, Oliver,” Mila called to me, poking my cheek from her seat beside me. “You’re looking scary again.”

“A-Again?” I asked.

“Yeah, I noticed too,” Sarah nodded. “Sometimes you get this scary look on your face, like you’re really pissed. Did something happen when your sister called you?”

“…”

“Oliver, you promised you’d talk to us more,” Grace said, turning her head to look at me from her seat on my lap. She traced her fingers teasingly along my jaw and smiled. “Or do you not want to see what underwear I chose for today?”

It was an unfair question because I did want to see, but it wasn’t because of that that I wanted to talk. Maybe they could give me a few answers to the questions I always had. I swallowed, and with my body shaking, I unintentionally held Grace closer to me.

“I was… I was thinking about something my sister said. Do I… come across as rude?” I asked bluntly, feeling my jaw tense.

The three girls shared a frowning glance.

“Rude? No, I wouldn’t say so,” Mila told me. “But since you make faces like that, you’re a bit unapproachable. Or more like, I thought you were. We were classmates during our first year, remember? But it always seemed like you didn’t want anyone to approach you, so I never did. Had I known you were just shy, I would’ve talked to you sooner.”

Grace looked at Mila with wide, blinking eyes.

“Mmm, I kinda get it.” Sarah continued. “You look all serious from afar but you’re pretty cute up close. It’s kind of funny. I have to disagree with Mila, though. Talking to you can be pretty frustrating because you don’t talk back or even react much. Now I know it’s because you have problems communicating, but you can come across as rude to someone who’s not aware.”

I flinched, and a cold sensation grew in my chest. “I-Is that so? I’m sorry. I just… don’t even know what to say most of the time.”

“But why are you asking this?” Mila asked me. “Did something happen with your sister?”

I pursed my lips, unsure if I wanted or even should say more. My sister clearly didn’t like these girls, and I didn’t think it was a good idea to complain about her to them. I didn’t want to make things worse. But… my chest felt somewhat lighter and the knot in my throat felt smaller. The girls were listening and being nice. I wanted to trust them more.

“I was helping the student council carry some things and I almost bumped into the secretary. I apologized, but… my sister said I was being rude.”

“But you apologized,” Mila pointed out, tilting her head in confusion.

“I only said ‘sorry’. It could have been the way I said it. I don’t know,” I admitted. “I didn’t mean to be rude.”

“The secretary is… Noelle, right? Did she complain or yell at you?” Mila asked. I shook my head. “Then don’t worry about it,” she shrugged. “The issue was between you and Noelle, not your sister, and if Noelle didn’t say anything, then you gain nothing overthinking it, right? Just because your sister said something doesn’t mean Noelle thought the same.”

…It made sense. Remembering well, Noelle didn’t look mad or bothered. Rather, I think she was more surprised by me being there at all, or perhaps my new appearance.

“THAT I fully agree with,” Sarah said. “You need to stop worrying so much about what others think.”

“I wish I could,” I said with a self-deprecating chuckle. It was too hard to do. Being shunned, being laughed at… Those things make you believe it’s better to be alone, but then you start missing human contact but don’t know how to be likable, so you keep screwing things up and making it all worse.

Even now, if my body hadn’t strangely changed, if I wasn’t somehow as good at sex as they claimed I was… These three wouldn’t be hanging out with me. I knew that.

Then I felt Mila’s warm lips on my cheek. Taken by surprise, I turned to her with wide eyes to find her smiling at me, like she was wordlessly telling me to relax. It very nearly worked, but then Grace got off my lap and stood up.

“Sarah, Mila, do you mind coming with me to the restroom for a minute?” she said, trying but failing to sound casual. Her eyes were slightly narrowed, glancing back and forth between Mila and me. “We’ll be back in a moment, Oliver. ‘Kay?”

Without waiting for her friends, Grace walked out of the room. Mila and Sarah looked at each other, seemingly just as confused as I was. They shot me apologetic looks and ran after their friend.

And so I was left alone after asking if I came across as rude. After daring to talk about myself. The knot in my throat grew larger. The pressure in my chest returned. I had to bite on my quivering lip to try to stop it. Had something I said made Grace mad? I had no idea what just happened. I had no idea what to believe. I just knew that wasn’t a normal trip to the restroom.

Author's Note: Chapters up to 33 (and a very short 34) available at my Patreon.