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One thing was not going out of your mind: Randall had said that one of the brothers, apparently called "Eric", was **** and killed by a wildling. What would they do to you if you were ever caught? You haven't even seen a wildling to know how to defend yourself against one. That terrifying idea stuck in your head, and you wished you never went on a mission alone as you would be in danger of being captured. You were not strong enough to defend yourself. Of course, you know how to wield a sword and how to defend yourself with it, but you are not sure whether you would last long in a fair fight with a brute and savage man raised in the purest cold of the North.

You were more afraid of finding a wildling alone than an "Other", which the legends told. No one could know that, or they made fun of you. Perhaps you could learn more about combat from the other brothers, and in that way, you could lose your fear of things like that. That was your job now, after all. Kill wildlings. You could not fear them, or you would die in the first encounter.

But, perhaps, suffering Eric's fate was less worse than Rato's. The poor man could be being tortured at that very moment, being **** to confess his brothers' plans and provide all his knowledge to the enemy. You then decided that you should never be caught.