Confession

Something was wrong. I didn’t know what happened, but Alexis’ Noise after returning from the girl’s night with Chloe and Victoria suggested something had happened. Guilt, regret, loneliness, hurt; a blanket of negative emotions rested over her Noise.

I sent Chloe a text, asking how things went. She responded with a single word: ‘Fine.’ I pressed a few times and got nothing else that would help me solve the current storm Alexis was weathering.

Chloe was late to our usual meeting spot for lunch. I looked out the window, watching fat flakes of snow drift down from the dark grey sky. I didn’t react as Chloe’s Noise separated from the crowd. Immediately reacting to her presence still seemed to unnerve a part of her.

She didn’t immediately make herself known, lingering for a moment before coming over. Her smiling face didn’t match her Noise. Guilt hung heavily over her as she settled in beside me.

“Nothing fancy today,” she said in an upbeat tone as she unpacked the lunch she made for us. “Turkey sandwich and chips—”

“What happened?” She froze for a second, then **** herself to continue. Her guilt burned brightly in her Noise.

“If I said nothing happened…”

“Alexis has a whole host of negative emotions that have been there since she returned home. Considering how happy you three were when you left, something happened between you leaving, and her coming home.”

“It’s moments like this I really hate not being able to hide things from you.”

I hesitated as I considered her words. “I understand. If it is not something that involves me, I will respect your desire for privacy and not pry.” Her Noise roiled with emotions.

She picked up her sandwich, focusing on it. “It does… tangentially.” She took a bite, not explaining further. Seeing she was not ready to continue, I took my own sandwich and started eating. It had been a long time since we ate a lunch in silence. I didn’t press her, knowing she would tell me when she was ready.

It was unfortunate that the night hadn’t gone as planned. Chloe and Alexis had been looking forward to it. Had the fake ID not worked? Perhaps, but that didn’t explain the guilt. That might have been explained if sex was involved, as I knew what Alexis got up to when she went out. I could rule that out, as her Noise was free of the telltale remains of her Gift. From there, I was at a loss. Chloe’s Noise being somber like this was upsetting. It still provided a measure of comfort, as it blocked the grating Noise of the other’s in the library, but it was not the wellspring of relaxation it usually was.

The food was gone and I helped clean up our area. It was then that I noticed Chloe was keeping her distance from me. Usually she was doing all she could to have some sort of physical connection.

The surge of fear and anxiety in her Noise warned me she was ready to talk before she actually did.

“I kissed Alexis.”

Fear. Pure fear radiated from her. It was crushing and uncomfortable as it wrapped itself around me.

“Okay.”

She stared at me, mouth agape. “T-that’s it?”

I didn’t answer right away, considering my words. Putting on a smile, I nudged her. “Sorry. Guess I make a poor jealous boyfriend.”

Her Noise flared with several emotions. “This isn’t a time for shitty jokes.” She looked like she was about to say more before she bit the words back. She looked away, remorse in her Noise.

My smile dropped. “I don’t mind.”

“But I do.”

My hand found hers. A comforting warmth amongst her somber Noise. “For the sake of honesty and openness, I don’t understand why this upsets you so much. You know I don’t mind you sleeping with others. A kiss seems a rather minor thing in comparison.”

“It—it wasn’t just a kiss, Jake. We were… connected. I was curious about her Gift and…” She took a breath, face flushed. “I felt her desire for me. Feelings of—” She cut herself off, looking up at me. “I wanted it. Her. If she hadn’t stopped, we would have… Not because someone was paying, but something I wanted.” Hurt, guilt, and remorse hung heavily in her Noise, slowing it and weighing it down.

I considered her words, then my own. “Are you attracted to women?”

“No. I mean, I don’t think—” She let out a breath, shoulders sagging as she leaned forward against the table. “It was so confusing. I had no idea which thoughts were mine, and which were hers. Even now I don’t know how much of it was her kissing me, or me kissing her.” Her hands covered her face, muffling her words. “I feel like I fucked something up. Alexis is the first friend I’ve had in so long. The look on her face…” When she removed her hands, it looked like she was on the verge of tears. Sorrow flowed from her. “She left before I woke up and didn’t respond to any of my messages. I tried calling her. Nothing.”

“I can speak with her.”

“No! I mean, no. Thank you, but this… I think I need to work through this on my own.”

Leaning forward, I kissed her on the forehead. She seemed to relax, though her Noise was still in flux. “Let me know if there is anything I can do to help.”

“Thanks.” She leaned into me and I wrapped my arm around her shoulder.

I did my best to distract her with conversation, but that was her forte, not mine. It was a passable attempt and her Noise did improve by the time lunch ended. I walked her to class and separated with a brief kiss. I strolled down the hall, deep in thought as I went to my next class.

A connection.

This situation between Chloe and Alexis was concerning. I had known that there might be a day when my lack of emotional connection with her would no longer offer her what she needed. It was inevitable that she would meet someone who offered her everything I did and more.

This was troubling. I enjoyed Chloe’s presence in my life and did not wish to lose it. She offered comfort and companionship that I had yet to experience with anyone else. It was something I wasn’t even sure was possible with another person, as I had no idea of it was something special about her, or our relationship. Would Alexis’ Noise offer such solace if we had gotten closer? Yes, I had always had an interest in Chloe due to her Gift and Noise, but the more comforting aspects of it came later as we got to know each other more. Alexis’ Noise was familiar and enjoyable in its own way, but her **** to get emotionally attached kept her and her feelings at a distance.

It would be painful if Chloe decided to pursue a relationship with another, I wouldn’t blame her. Being with someone who didn’t express emotions would be difficult for anyone, and Chloe had been doing a wonderful job adapting and pushing through the difficulties. I doubted many would try so hard or put as much effort into it as she had. Was it cruel of me to wish for Chloe to remain in a relationship with someone who could not reciprocate her emotions? She deserved to have someone who loved her and could express that love in a way she could see and understand.

My mind lingered on that last thought. I knew of love. I had some experience with it and knew what it looked like, thanks to Sophie and Daniel. But love was ill-defined and varied from person to person. The love between Alexis and Natalie was not less than the feelings shared by Sophie and her husband, only different. I didn’t doubt Chloe’s feelings for me. They were quite clear and had slowly evolved and matured over time, but seeing her emotions didn’t bring answers in this situation. Love came in all different forms. Daniel and Sophie both loved me, but that love was different than the love they had for each other. It was the same for Chloe. She loved me, but her feelings for Alexis were distinct and different, but just as real.

There was nothing more for me to do. This wasn’t something I could fix, or solve, only support them as best I could. Alexis and Chloe would have to work through this on their own.