Collect yourself

The cold streets were a blur as I wandered through them, stumbling almost like a drunk through campus. Everything that monster had said to me was reeling through my head, tearing at my thoughts and leaving the precious remaining reserves of my mental health in tatters.

Thoughts of my flat, my home essentially, being twisted from a place of rest to a cruel trap. Each one of my flatmates being a potential host to that creature, the picture of normality one moment and then an awful taunting grin the next, a private reminder as it mocked me from within their flesh. Grace, who was just beginning to come out of her shell, finally lowering the walls she’d built around herself, becoming an unwitting hostage, never knowing the danger that could strike her at any moment.

Or could strike her every night, and wipe her memories… who’s to say that fiend wouldn’t follow up on her threats and steal Grace’s skin, just for her own twisted pleasure? It’s exactly the kind of disgusting, hedonistic thing it would do…

I’d been walking so hard, so lost in thought, that I’d barely noticed where I even was, or that I was panting and exhausted. I collapsed onto a bench, catching my breath as I watched each exhale fog up in the chilly air. My body temperature must have been running seriously hot considering all the mist I was producing. A welcome change from the awful, supernatural cold that had been haunting me for weeks, even if it did have the queasy countenance of a fever.

I was tapping my foot against the ground, sweaty palms rubbing against one another, agitation working through my whole body. The thin college branded hoodie I wore was doing nothing to protect against the autumn chill, but the sweat that dripped down me showed how little I cared right now. I tried to focus on my breathing, get a hold of myself.

Gradually, it worked. The rampant nervous ticks that had splayed all over my body as I was filled with anxiety wound down, and so did the feverish hate and fear that boiled my body. I closed my eyes and focused on my breathing, let myself relax more, and catch my breath. Within a few minutes I was feeling more normal, the temperature going down as I calmed myself, even as the dread remained.

What am I going to do…?

I tried to collect my options, organize them in a way that would make sense to me. The first and easiest option would be, of course, to just give in. Surrender to that creature, join it in the awful things it wanted. Turn Grace into a skinsuit and steal the shy girl’s body, her life, her identity. Date the very monster that had turned me, while wearing the skin of the girl I’d tried to save. As immoral as it was, there was a twisted part of me that knew just how enjoyable that path would really be.

No…

That wasn’t an option. I’d had my chance, back there as “Jessica” straddled me, offering me a future of lecherous debauchery in a honey sweet tone. I’d chosen to leave, chosen to resist. Chosen to stake my future on what little humanity I had left.

So where does that leave me?

Honestly, I had no idea. What could I do to resist that creature? What can anyone do? It could look like anyone, change identities on the fly. Who knew how much experience it had, how long it had lived, or all the awful things it must have done over the years.

Maybe ever trying to think like it was a mistake. It wasn’t human, after all. Who knew the kind of alien ways it’s mind may work.

And the alien ways mine has started to…

My thoughts drifted to how easy all of it had been, skinning people, stealing their identities. How natural it had been for someone who’d lived their whole life as a guy to become a woman, and even how much better it had felt. Would this just get even easier as my transformation progressed? I shuddered to think that someday I would look like the awful creature that had emerged from Lisa’s husk, all those nights ago.

There was so much I didn’t know about any of this.

That’s it!

The idea came to me, the bare-bones hope that I might be able to do something about this problem, and the very first inklings of agency. I should focus on the things I didn’t know; knowledge is power, so if I wanted any chance at resisting the skinwalker and saving my flatmates, I needed to know as much as possible about them.

But where would I even start to look…?

Two ideas immediately came to me, although both had their own worries and risks. The first was to turn to science.

Skinwalkers are organic creatures, just like any other living thing. They may seem to do unbelievable things, but those things are only unbelievable because we do not yet understand them. If I was able to really study skinwalkers, apply the scientific method, perhaps I would find ways to combat them.

My other idea seemed more esoteric, although knowing the creatures I was dealing with, it really shouldn’t have.

Skinwalkers are creatures of myth made real. The things they can do are not only unnatural, but actively seem impossible. That means the supernatural is real… and there are people who know about it. I need to find someone like that, and then I’ll be able to find out a skinwalker’s weaknesses.