Chater 13

“I sound ridiculous”.

Prior to getting showered, shaved, dressed and made up for his date, Zeek had a lesson furthering the tips he’d already been given on how to move and talk like a young woman. It had started with some more practice walking in stilettos, then methods of standing up and sitting down, and even how to eat like a lady. Now he was being made to practice his feminine voice, using prompts from a course Thea had found online.

She was using a tuning app to help Zeek find the right feminine pitch and monitor it as she repeated a variety of phrases straight out of an English-learner’s textbook. Though less than enthused at first, with Thea’s encouragement, he made good progress finding the right voice for Ezme..

“You don’t at all, you sound lovely!”

“I sound like my throat’s hoarse from a week-long coughing fit, or I’ve been smoking a pack of Camels a day since I was twelve. In truth, any feminine voice Zeek could aim for would never satisfy him, even if he was able to raise his pitch and speak melodically enough for a spot-on Minnie Mouse impersonation.

“You really don’t, your voice isn’t hoarse at all, May-hon. In fact you sound a bit like… Emma Stone! She’s got a low voice, but it’s still lovely and feminine.” Thea was telling the truth; though low-pitched for a woman, ‘Ezme’s’ voice was quite convincing and now that Thea saw the feminized teen interacting with his friend she couldn’t contain her smiles.

“Th-thanks for the flowers…”

There was a moment of awkward silence as the bewildered Zeek was frozen in place, too busy metaphorically shitting his pants to do anything. That was til Liz cleared her throat to catch his attention, and motioned her eyes towards Cal, indicating for her brother to follow through and make a good impression. By now, Zeek was deathly familiar with how Liz would react if he didn’t buck up and show his best friend some affection.

Zeek steeled himself and quickly bent forward at the hip as taught so diligently, and placed a swift peck onto Cavin’s left cheek. Being virtually at eye level thanks to his four-inch heels that made Zeek stand at six foot a height he wished he had grown to and making him slightly taller than Calvin’s natural five foot eleven.

“I- err, Zeek didn’t… your photos, I mean. I wasn’t expecting you to be this cute. The dress wearing boy felt like he was going to be sick calling his friend cute. Feeling his sisters stares boring into him like a drill he added a slight giggle.

“And those pictures really didn’t do you justice.” Calvin looked the person in front of him over once more. He had looked at the photos over and over again and figured they could have been altered, but they were standing there in real life. “You’re way prettier in person.” Cal complimented back with a wink. “Anyway, you good to go, babe?”

‘Babe?! He’s only just met me, I mean Ezme for Christ’s sake!’ thought Zeek, already done with his buddy’s manner.

“Sure.” Zeek confirmed with a false happiness, gingerly stepping from the house’s threshold, every step further away from safety making his anxiety rise.

“Oh, wait, Ezme, you forgot your purse! Honestly you can be such a silly girl at times!”, Liz shouted after him, gently underarm-throwing a small white leather purse with gold accent and chain, which Zeek barely managed to catch, slinging it across his right shoulder.

“Thanks… Lis.” he begrudgingly replied.

“Not at all. You have a nice date, y’hear? And Calvin, make sure to treat her like a proper lady!” Liz called after them as they began to walk away, Calvin wrapping his arm around his date’s waist as he led her to his car.

Zeek shivered at the contact, his first instinct to push Calvin away and call him a homophobic slur, but knowing Liz was watching, swallowed his pride and leaned into him.

‘Aw, they make such a cute couple.’ Liz mocked in her internal monologue.

Calvin did his usual trick of making his tires squeal as he pulled away, thinking it made him look like some kind of cool movie star instead of the douchebag he really came across as, giving Ezme a cocky grin, who smiled politely in return.

There was a tangible awkward silence in the car as Cal tried to wrap his head around this date, what he knew to be true compared to what he saw, heard and felt. ‘Well you’re being quiet tonight, aren’t you, Zeek? We’ve been buddies for years; you don’t think I wouldn’t recognise who it was in those photos? Damn though, I thought they were altered. And that shit about you being out of town with your dad, and having a mysterious cousin you never mentioned before? ‘C’mon…’ He turned to look at the babe sitting next to him in the car, her stocking covered legs pressed tightly together, her hands with the long painted nails in her lap as she held her purse.

‘This has got to be one of the greatest pranks you’ve ever pulled, though! I don’t even mind being the victim for once. I guess this is **** for the whole ‘hair thing’ we pulled with Eliza. Plus, I gotta say… you make a pretty cute girl. Even if this is like a charade or something, it’s still… and with a girl as hot as you. Fuck, fuck I didn’t expect you to look like this when you answered the door, you just jumping out and telling me I’m a fool for being fooled, but damn… I was thinking of revealing that I was onto you and ditching you in the middle of town, or leaving you with the check at the restaurant but now I wanna see how far you’ll go with this prank…’

The radio wasn’t on and Calvin hadn’t said a thing once they drove off, only making sideways glances at him, it made Zeek even more uncomfortable. Finally, unable to take it, he broke the silence. “So what’s the plan?”

“You like Chinese food?” Cal asked, raising an eyebrow, knowing his friend did. “There’s this real fancy Chinese place called Wong’s. Got loads of statues and it’s all painted red and gold, and the waitresses wear those tight little dresses.”

“Yeah, I haven’t had Chinese for ages, sounds fun!” Decent food and real portions sounded wonderful, no **** salad was a lot better than what he would be getting at home tonight, though doing so on a date with Cal tainted it.

Silence pervaded the car once more, so Cal turned on the radio, tuning through the stations till he found a station playing sex jams. All the while feeling confused, something that hit him the moment the door had been opened. He saw a girl, he heard a girl, but it was just Zeek. Not sure what to say, Zeek kept his mouth shut, not reacting to the chosen music, instead tutting in his mind. The music was getting Cal in a sexy, adventurous mood and he just couldn’t stop his eyes from glancing over to Zeek, or rather ‘Ezme’ in the passenger seat beside him. He could not believe how insanely hot they were, from ‘her’ tiny waist, to her racetrack curves, to her doll-like face, and her long, mouth-watering, nylon covered legs. All he saw was a her, a girl, no trace of his bud.

‘Never thought I’d ever see him wearing pantyhose. Or, well, looking so good in them! And wonder if I can just…’ Cal’s right hand found its way to Zeek’s knee, fully expecting his friend to bat it away and tell him to knock it off, but instead he found Ezme giggling and smiling, clearly appreciative of the affection ‘she’ was receiving.

‘Holy shit, he’s really committed to the bit! I guess I can definitely stop thinking of him as my buddy, and instead just as the hot chick I managed to bag. I wonder what else she’ll let me do to her…’ Cal thought.

Meanwhile, despite his mannerisms, Zeek was secretly freaking the fuck out. ‘JESUS FUCKING CHRIST WHAT IS HE DOING?!! He’s really touching my leg! But it’s not like I can reject him. Christ, if Liz found out… Goddamnit I wanna punch his lights out! Okay, keep it together Ezme. I mean Zeek! Fuck!’

Since he didn’t get rebuffed, Cal kept his hand where it was, moving his thumb slightly over the smooth nylon covered leg, his mind partially distracted as they made their way to the destination.

“Hello, welcome to Wong’s, cute couple! We have very nice table for two, very intimate, very romantic. We no mind you kissy-kissy.”

Zeek was pretty sure the Matre’d was putting on the whole broken English, enthusiastic Chinaman stereotype bit as he and Cal were led to a small booth table, surrounded by ornate paintings of dragons and warriors and rice paddies.

“Looks like we’re gonna be getting up close and personal with each other, babe”, said Cal with a shit-eating grin, his hand rubbing Ezme’s waist and gradually migrating to her hip.

“How very nice, sounds perfect.” Zeek grinned back with a giggle, rolling his eyes when out of view.

Cal, as instructed by Eliza, treated his date like a proper lady, pulling out the table so ‘she’ could sit down. Seeing how he… she moved gracefully, legs together and back straight a slight wiggle to her hips made him blink a few times, a tiny piece of doubt bubbling up to the surface of his mind. ‘Could they really have a cousin and… no, no, this is Zeek, but damn he is good. Really probably should have been born a girl with how natural they are.’

“Okay, you ready to order, pretty lady?” a waiter asked after they had examined the menus, Cal doing so one-handed with his other hand preoccupied with holding his date’s waist and upper hip as they sat much closer than Zeek would have wanted.

“She is pretty, isn’t she?” Cal complimented.

“Mm, yes, very very beautiful. I wish my daughter be as good-looking as you.”

“Stop, you’re making me blush!” Zeek nervously chuckled, sounding much more like a feminine giggled as he cringed. He knew what he looked liked but being reminded that he didn’t just pass as a girl, but was an attractive one was not doing good things to his sense of self.

Throughout the meal, Calvin was entirely hands; he just could not keep his paws off of his date, rubbing his leg against ‘Ezme’s’ silky-smooth, nylon-covered legs, rubbing her hip and thighs with his free hand, and even playfully feeding her his food. As Calvin’s advances became more intimate, he was sure Zeek would finally break character and tell him to piss off, but he never did. Instead, Ezme was opening herself up to his advances, acting demure, giggling and grinning all the time, even shuddering with pleasure sometimes from his perspective, having no idea it was from revulsion.

‘They are a hundred percent committed… no, I’m going to win this game of chicken my friend.’ Sitting so close he looked at his friend's chest, watching the feminine assets rise and fall. “Too bad Zeek isn’t around to hang out with his hot cousin.” Calvin commented, hoping to trip him up.

“Yeah, it is a shame. He’s a funny kind of guy. But I’m sure him and Uncle Ed are having fun up in the mountains. He said that he’d been at kinda odds with his dad for a bit, so I think the trip would do their relationship good” he responded in his practiced Ezme voice wishing he had actually gone with his father. Hanging out with him and some boredom wouldn’t really have been that bad.

‘Fuck, he’s really going for it! Sticking to that dumbass backstory.’ Cal thought. “Yeah, I guess it could.” Cal replied, not letting on that he knew that Zeek was really right there next to him, practically purring as Cal rubbed his inner thigh, a touch that initially caused Ezekiel to jump in his seat, his instincts to get away to strong to contain the flinch.

Calvin looked all around the room; he was sure he was being punked, and somebody, maybe Eliza was hidden nearby with a camera to capture him getting up-close and personal with his crossdressed best friend, but there was no one in sight. It was nearly unbelievable, especially seeing as how Zeek was upping the ante on the prank, his hand touching Cal’s arm.

Looking at ‘Ezme’s’ blushing face, Cal saw how ‘she’ truly did resemble her cousin Eliza near identically. It was only natural, Zeek being her sibling and all. Cal stroked Ezme’s arm, higher and higher till he reached her neck and then face, hungrily taking in her breathtaking visage. There was no way in Heaven nor Earth he could deny himself a kiss. ‘Fuck it.’ he thought, feeling a desire in himself he wasn’t a hundred percent comfortable with, but also sure he knew how to get Zeek to break.

Before Zeek knew what was happening, Cal had cupped his chin and brought his own lips upon his, hastily bestowing on them a kiss. Zeek completely froze up, his brain trying to compute what his best bud had just done to him. Cal took Ezme’s lack of rejection as an invitation, coming in for one more, a slightly longer peck came next. Zeek was still encountering mental processing errors, leaving him open for a third kiss, Cal’s confidence rising so that he gave Zeek a full-on, languid smooch, one hand cupping his face still while the other grabbed a handful of their skirt covered ass.

Finally, Zeek computed the Kung-Po Chicken-flavoured lips against his own, and a sudden wave of nausea and panic welled up in him, making him nearly hyperventilate as the kiss lingered on. When Cal finally released her, and came back in for a fourth, Zeek quickly raised his hand to his lips, explaining, “Uh, I’m really sorry, but I really, really need to use the bathroom. It wouldn’t be too romantic if I were to wet myself right here, now, would it?”

A surprised, slightly grossed-out Cal was successfully unoffended by Zeek’s explanation, agreeing, “No, yeah, no worries”, before getting up and moving the table out of the way for his date to make his egress, Almost forgetting the borrowed purse as he headed to the bathroom. His feet moved as quickly as they could the click clack of his heels sounding as Zeek tried to get out of sight, first to the male door, till he realized what ‘she’ was doing, and for the first time since a childhood prank Zeek made his way into the ladies room.

Watching Ezme hurry off, Calvin’s eyes following the pert little ass, he only shook his head. One kiss had been on purpose, the others felt like he was just giving in to his desires. “He let me kiss him… what kind of game is he playing?” he asked, looking around the room again to see if he noticed anyone the two of them knew who could be used to help set him up. Still he found no one, making him think that Zeek had to have something big up his sleeve and he wasn’t going to let him win.

Walking into the women's room Zeek found he had it to himself or rather Ezme had the bathroom all to herself. Quickly mincing his way into a stall his borrowed heels clacking loudly against the tiled floor, and locked himself in, sitting on the toilet while fighting the urge to vomit, his mind racing.

‘EW EW EW EW EWWWWW!! I can’t believe he kissed me! Well, I actually can believe it. He is just a horny pervert…’ Zeek thought, not mentally acknowledging the two not being very different. ‘No wonder he came on so strong, GAWD! Does he think he is suave or something? I thought being such a kissless virgin he wouldn’t have had the balls to pull it off. But… holy shit. My first kiss.. was with FUCKING CAL?!! That fucking bastard! He was the one who got me into this mess in the first place, and now he’s ruining my life milestones!’

“Fuck this mess! I’m getting outta here. I’ll call a cab! No wait, Thea’s dad owns the company and is friends with my Dad; if he recognizes me, then I’m DEAD. Fuck no, think… I’ll get an Uber or a Lyft! No, wait, shit, my accounts are tied to Zeek, not Ezme, they’ll know something’s up if a chick shows up to a ride a dude ordered.”

“Thinkthinkthink.”Zeek repeated rapidly, still sounding closer to Emma Stone than himself as he spoke to himself. “…Liz! She has a heart… she has to, somewhere deep down… in a void.”

Furiously, Zeek’s falsie-laden nails clacked against his phone screen, the cumbersome extensions making him misspell a great deal of the text he sent his sister.

Zeek: LOZ! YOU GOTTA COME PICK MENM UP!! CAL KEPPS KISSING ME THE LITTL SHIT!!1 I’,M AT WONG’S. HE KISSED ME FULL ON THE LIPS!!!!

Liz: HA-HA-HA-HA-HAH!! I’m smelling some bullshit, but it sounds like you two lovebirds are getting along wonderfully! No, I think I’ll leave you guys to it. Enjoy the rest of your date! If I know my cousin, and I know I do, you packed some condoms and mouthwash. I suggest using them, don’t want you getting prego Xxx

‘Condoms and mouthwash, what the fuck is she on about? Okay, okay, get it together, Zeek. You’ve lost your first kiss. But remember what Thea said; anything you did with Cal, Thea would do with you. Just keep on thinking about her, and you’ll be able to make it through the night. Even if Cal uses tongue… Damn, it’s not like I can even get drunk to get through this; we’re not old enough to drink, and any ID’s would be for Zeek anyway, not Ezme. Oh Christ. Big smiles, now. Date’s almost over. Think of Thea… think of being Ezme. Cal thinks he is on a date with my nonexistent cousin, he will brag about kissing a girl and I can tell him about being with Thea and just forget about all of this when I get home. Be Ezme, I’m Ezme, I’m May. I can do this…’ he mentally tried to talk himself up, helping only slightly.

On his way out of the bathroom, Zeek noticed his hyper-glossy, hyper-pigmented red lipstick had gone askew, either from the food or from Cal’s mouth. Thea had taught him what to do in this situation fortunately, and Zeek cleaned up the smudge using a paper towel, before he fished in his purse for the tube of lipstick pre-packed for him to top up his lips. As he rummaged, he realised what Liz had meant about packing condoms and mouthwash, finding a travel-size bottle and a string of prophylactics within.

‘That fucking bitch. I bet she’s laughing it up, right now. Laugh it while you can… I am going to use these with Thea tonight.’

Gracefully as he could Zeek strutted back to the table with a faux coy smile upon his face, finding the bill already paid for and Cal ready to go. “My, what a gentleman” he let out a giggle, trying to play up the part unintentionally fluttering his mascara ladened eyelashes. ‘That’s a good sign, at least he knows how to treat a lady. I mean me. I mean a lady. Aarrgghh!’, Zeek thought, as Cal wrapped his hand around his waist and escorted him out of the restaurant. Realizing he hadn’t seen any actual money in the purse and saying a silent blessing his normally stingy friend paid up.

The sky was dark as they left the restaurant, a partial moon out and few clouds, allowing the stars to be seen.The car park dimly lit, giving an ambience of ‘after-hours’, a street lamp flickering and buzzing above Cal’s car. The night air was a bit chilly, and Zeek shivered, unconsciously pressing himself to the warm-bodied Calvin, who held him close as he had anytime they had walked together.

“You know, I have had a really good time with you tonight, May.”

“Tonight has just been… lovely.” Zeek responded, the date was almost over, the light at the end of the tunnel could be seen. ‘Wait… if he asks me out again do I have to say yes? Liz said I had to make him happy. She wouldn’t make me do th is again would she… fuck she would. Please don’t ask, please don’t ask.

So close to his date Calvin took in a deep breath of the chilled night air, getting a nose full of her flowery perfume. ‘Wow, he’s really going for it! If I didn’t know any better I’d say he was really into me. Is that it? Is that what this is? No, he has had a thing for Theadora for… fuck is he calling my bluff? Let's see what he does when I pick up where we left off.’

Back at the car, Zeek was expecting Cal to open the door for him like earlier, but instead, he found himself trapped between Cal’s arms, now holding onto the car roof. After the briefest of hesitations, Cal lowered his head and kissed Zeek on the lips, heavier and warmer than back in the restaurant.

Zeek yelped for a moment, but then Thea came into view within his mindscape, and he let himself slowly sink into the kiss and reciprocate, pursuing his own lips forwards. Cal took this as an open invitation, kissing Zeek again and again, feel the red lipstick covered lips kiss him back. He got into the rhythm of it, even heading in for kisses before Cal. Cal’s arms came down to hold Zeek’s waist, while Zeek brought his own arms up around Cal’s neck, bringing him in closer so that their bodies were pressed against one another, Zeek’s back pressed into and half supported by the still closed car door.

On a particularly sloppy kiss, Zeek could feel something pressing against his lips and teeth, opening his mouth to find Cal’s hot, wet tongue forcing its way in. Cal excavated Zeek’s oral cavity, and the crossdresser thought he was going to hurl as another man’s tongue touched his own, but repeating the mantra, ‘THINK OF THEA. THINK OF THEA. THINK OF THEA. THINK OF THEA.’, guided him through. Zeek had **** to reciprocate, flexing his tongue against Calvin’s and into his mouth as his stomach churned and his skin crawled while his feet ached.

Zeek felt Calvin’s hands roamed, caressing his fake feminine body as Calvin’s own pressed into him with no escape, squeezing his ass and even a bit of breast form, it seeming like his friend had no idea they weren’t real, not able to tell the difference between it and the genuine article.. As he thought of Thea, imagining it was her feeling him up, participating in the spit-swapping makeout match, Zeek unconsciously moaned into Cal’s mouth, these noises of ecstasy emboldening his date to pet even heavier, rubbing his leg between his thighs and against his tucked crotch.

‘THINK OF THEA. THINK OF THEA. THINK OF THEA. THINK OF THEA. …FUCK, WHEN WILL THIS HORROR SHOW END?!!’thought Zeek as he continued to makeout and grope his best friend, one hand practically clawing his back while he turned his head, opening his mouth to slide his tongue across his. While the intimate contact, no matter how vile, brought a feeling of arousal that Zeek told himself was just because his thoughts were of his love, of Theadora.