Chapter 20 - Like a Woman

** - I received a bunch of really nice messages of support so decided to continue - thank you to those people!!

Jennifer noticed the roses immediately.

A tall glass vase sat in the center of the kitchen table filled with deep red roses that definitely had not been there when she went upstairs the night before.

Jennifer slowed halfway into the kitchen.

Fresh flowers.

Still perfect.

Still opening.

Which meant Michelle had brought them home late last night.

Michelle walked in a few minutes later wearing leggings and an oversized sweatshirt while carrying a coffee mug.

She saw Jennifer looking at the flowers instantly.

“Oh.”

Jennifer looked over carefully.

Michelle smiled faintly, almost shyly.

“David gave them to me at dinner.”

Jennifer stared at the roses again.

Of course he did.

Michelle walked over and adjusted one of the stems absentmindedly.

“He said it was for helping get the deal across the finish line.”

Jennifer nodded once slowly.

But both of them knew flowers like these weren’t really about spreadsheets and deadlines.

“So…” Jennifer said carefully.

Michelle looked up, already smiling.

“So?”

Jennifer tried sounding casual.

“How was dinner?”

Michelle laughed softly.

“Oh my God.”

“What?”

“You are being unbelievably obvious right now.”

Jennifer rolled her eyes and poured herself coffee.

“I made the reservation. I’m allowed to ask.”

Michelle leaned against the counter smiling to herself.

“And thank you for that, dinner was really nice.”

Jennifer hated how much relief and pain both arrived with that answer.

Michelle continued:

“The restaurant was perfect.”

Jennifer looked down into her coffee quietly.

Of course it was.

One if by Land had always been Michelle’s favorite.

Especially the fireplace table.

Especially in the fall.

Jennifer remembered the exact corner table Michelle loved most without even thinking about it anymore.

Michelle shook her head almost laughing.

“And there was already a bottle of Caymus waiting at the table.”

Jennifer nodded carefully.

“I figured you’d like that.”

Michelle stared at her a second longer.

Then smiled warmly.

“You really know me.”

That sentence landed harder than Jennifer expected.

Because Michael used to know Michelle like that.

Now Jennifer did.

And somehow those no longer felt like the same person.

Jennifer studied Michelle carefully.

Trying to read between the lines.

Trying to figure out what Michelle wasn’t saying.

Because Michelle looked lighter.

Softer somehow.

Like something important had shifted last night.

And Jennifer couldn’t stop thinking about how Michelle had looked before leaving.

The dress alone had stunned her.

Black velvet.

Low-cut.

Elegant.

Far too sexy for anything Jennifer would have called a work dinner.

Michelle had paired it with sheer black stockings clipped into garters and black stiletto heels Jennifer hadn’t seen in years.

Jennifer remembered standing frozen in the bedroom doorway watching Michelle adjust the stockings in the mirror before smoothing the dress over her hips.

Then the makeup.

More dramatic than usual.

Smoky eyes.

Dark lashes.

Glossed lips.

Warm bronzed cheeks.

And her hair.

Jennifer remembered watching Michelle pin it up loosely while wearing drop diamond earrings Jennifer hadn’t seen in years.

Then the perfume.

That was what stuck most.

Michelle had stood in the hallway afterward spraying a new perfume onto her neck and wrists.

Not her normal office perfume.

Something warmer.

More sensual.

Jennifer remembered standing there silently watching her and thinking:

this definitely did not look like a woman going to celebrate a work project.

Back in the kitchen, Michelle smiled faintly into her coffee.

“And we may have accidentally finished a second bottle of Caymus.”

Jennifer blinked.

“A second bottle?”

Michelle laughed.

“In my defense, he ordered dessert.”

Jennifer stared at her carefully.

Dessert.

Second bottle of wine.

Fireplace table.

Roses.

Michelle smiled faintly again before adding:

“It was just… really nice.”

Jennifer stayed quiet.

Michelle looked down into her mug for a moment, and when she spoke again, her voice softened.

“I can’t even remember the last time Michael took me out somewhere nice.”

Jennifer felt her stomach tighten instantly.

Michelle continued quietly:

“Not even somewhere fancy. Just… effort.”

Jennifer said nothing.

Because she knew exactly what Michelle meant.

Toward the end, Michael had stopped planning things.

Stopped surprising her.

Stopped really noticing her at all.

Everything had become stress.

Bills.

Work.

Routine.

Exhaustion.

Then unemployment.

Then months of Michael drifting through the house distracted and emotionally checked out.

Michelle gave a small, sad laugh.

“I forgot what it felt like to get dressed up and have someone actually excited to take me out.”

Jennifer stared down into her coffee.

Michelle continued softly:

“And David was just…”

She searched for the right word.

“Attentive.”

That word hurt more than Jennifer expected.

Michelle shook her head slightly.

“He opened doors. Pulled out chairs. Asked questions. Actually listened.”

Jennifer almost flinched.

Because technically, Jennifer had made the reservation.

Jennifer had chosen the fireplace.

Jennifer had chosen the wine.

But David had shown up.

David had been there.

David had made Michelle feel wanted.

Michelle looked embarrassed suddenly.

“This probably sounds terrible.”

Jennifer swallowed hard.

“No.”

Michelle sighed softly.

“It was just nice being treated like that again.”

Then after a brief pause:

“Like a woman.”

Jennifer’s chest tightened painfully.

Because Michael used to make Michelle feel that way once too.

A long time ago.

Before work consumed everything.

Before depression.

Before distance.

Before Michael stopped noticing things.

Michelle looked down at her mug again.

“I know things were hard for him.”

Jennifer suddenly felt tears prick unexpectedly behind her eyes.

Michelle continued quietly:

“But toward the end… it felt like he wasn’t really there anymore.”

Jennifer looked away instantly.

Because she knew Michelle was right.

And somehow hearing it said out loud hurt worse than she expected, especially her speaking about Michael like he wasn’t right there in the kitchen.

Michelle shook her head gently.

“I used to try so hard to pull him back.”

Jennifer’s breathing tightened.

“He’d sit next to me on the couch staring at his phone or the TV and it felt like he was a thousand miles away.”

Jennifer covered her mouth suddenly.

Michelle looked up immediately.

“Jenn?”

Jennifer’s eyes filled instantly.

“I’m sorry.”

The words escaped before she could stop them.

Michelle blinked.

“What?”

Jennifer shook her head quickly, tears slipping free now.

“I just…”

She looked away helplessly.

“I’m sorry things got so bad for you.”

Michelle stared at her for a long moment.

Then something in her expression softened completely.

“Oh, honey.”

Jennifer tried wiping at her face quickly, embarrassed.

But Michelle crossed the kitchen immediately and wrapped her arms around her.

And Jennifer broke.

Not loudly.

Not dramatically.

Just quietly collapsing into Michelle’s shoulder while Michelle held her tightly.

Michelle rubbed slow circles against her back, as tears flowed from both of them.

“It’s okay.”

Jennifer shook her head against her shoulder.

“No it’s not.”

Michelle pulled back slightly just enough to look at her.

“Yes. It is.”

Jennifer’s mascara had started smudging slightly beneath her eyes.

Michelle brushed one tear carefully away with her thumb.

“You know what’s funny?”

Jennifer sniffled quietly.

“What?”

Michelle smiled sadly.

“I’ve actually noticed the opposite with you.”

Jennifer looked confused.

“What do you mean?”

Michelle hesitated slightly before answering.

“You’re there.”

Jennifer stared at her silently.

Michelle continued:

“You listen. You notice things. You ask how my day was.”

Jennifer felt her chest tighten again.

Michelle gave a small emotional laugh.

“And honestly? Watching you with Sophie…”

Her voice softened further.

“She absolutely adores you.”

Jennifer looked down immediately.

Michelle smiled gently.

“And I’ve loved seeing that relationship blossom.”

Jennifer swallowed hard.

Because hearing Michelle say that felt both wonderful and devastating.

Michelle studied her carefully for another moment.

“You’ve brought a lot of good into this house, Jenn.”

Jennifer felt fresh tears threaten immediately.

Because she wasn’t supposed to want that sentence as badly as she did.

After a long silence Jennifer finally asked quietly:

“What about Ethan?”

Michelle paused.

The air shifted slightly.

Jennifer immediately noticed.

Michelle took a deep breath before answering.

“I’ve been working on that.”

Jennifer’s stomach tightened.

“What does that mean?”

Michelle looked back up carefully.

“It means I’ve been trying to prepare him a little.”

Jennifer stared silently.

Michelle’s voice stayed soft.

“He knows Michael’s helping family out west.”

Jennifer nodded slowly.

“And?”

Michelle hesitated.

“He knows things between us weren’t great before he left for school.”

That hurt too because it was true.

Michelle continued gently:

“And he knows my cousin Jennifer’s been staying here helping out.”

Jennifer looked down quietly.

Michelle reached over and squeezed her hand softly.

“He’s going to love you.”

Jennifer almost laughed at the painful irony of that sentence.

Instead she whispered:

“That’s what scares me.”

Michelle frowned slightly.

But before she could ask what Jennifer meant, Jennifer quickly looked away and wiped beneath her eyes.

Michelle let it go.

For now.

—

Two hours later Jennifer was seated in Kathy’s salon chair with foils in her hair while Kathy mixed color behind her.

“You look happier,” Kathy observed casually.

Jennifer glanced toward the mirror.

“I do?”

“Mhm.”

Jennifer wasn’t sure how she felt about that, but she did feel a little bit of a weight off her shoulders from her morning conversation with Michelle, so Kathy wasn’t wrong.

Somewhere over the past several weeks things had stopped feeling constantly terrifying.

Jennifer still panicked sometimes.

Still spiraled sometimes.

But now there were moments—

whole stretches of time sometimes—

where Jennifer simply existed naturally.

Comfortably.

That realization frightened her more than anything else.

Kathy walked around the chair studying Jennifer critically.

“Hm.”

Jennifer immediately looked nervous.

“What?”

Kathy lightly lifted one of Jennifer’s hands.

“I think we can probably go a little longer with the acrylics now.”

Jennifer looked down automatically.

That wouldn’t be so bad she thought.

Slightly longer.

More elegant.

Kathy smiled thoughtfully.

“And maybe we try something deeper today.”

Jennifer blinked.

“Deeper?”

“A dark red maybe.”

Jennifer immediately laughed nervously.

“That feels aggressive.”

Kathy smirked.

“You’d look beautiful with dark red.”

Beautiful.

That word still hit strangely every single time.

Jennifer looked back toward the mirror uncertainly.

As Kathy casually organized color bottles Jennifer’s phone starting chiming.

Text from Michelle: Can you stop at Walgreens on your way home and pick up a few things?

She quickly replied: np

Another chime: Thanks - will send list shortly.

—

By the time Jennifer parked outside Walgreens later that afternoon, she barely even thought about walking inside anymore.

Not consciously anyway.

She adjusted her purse on her shoulder automatically, checked her lipstick quickly in the rearview mirror, and headed inside beneath the fluorescent storefront lights.

Normal.

Routine.

Jennifer grabbed a red handbasket near the entrance before pulling out her phone to pull up Michelle’s list.

Neutrogena makeup wipes.

Cotton balls.

Pantene shampoo and conditioner.

Revlon “Love That Red” lipstick.

Secret Lavender deodorant.

Jennifer moved through the aisles collecting everything almost mechanically now.

Like she had been doing this for years.

Then she reached the last item.

Tampax Radiant.

Jennifer stopped cold.

Her stomach twisted strangely.

Not embarrassment exactly.

Something deeper.

Disorientation.

The basket hanging from her wrist already contained makeup wipes, shampoo, conditioner, makeup, deodorant.

Now tampons.

An entire collection of deeply ordinary female products.

And somehow…

they belonged to her now too.

Or at least to the version of her everyone else saw.

Jennifer stared at the pink box several long seconds before finally grabbing one quickly and dropping it into the basket.

Then immediately felt ridiculous afterward.

Nobody cared.

Nobody was looking.

At least until she reached the checkout line.

“Jennifer?”

Her blood went cold instantly.

Tom Mitchell stood directly behind her holding a six-pack of beer and a bag of pretzels.

Jennifer turned carefully.

Tom smiled warmly in recognition.

“Well hey there.”

Jennifer **** herself to smile naturally.

“Oh. Hi.”

Tom’s eyes dropped briefly toward the basket hanging from her arm.

Jennifer instinctively shifted it slightly closer to her body.

Too late.

Tom had definitely already seen everything.

Including the Tampax box sitting right on top.

Oddly though, Tom didn’t react at all.

Which somehow made it worse.

“How you doing?” he asked casually.

“Good,” Jennifer answered softly. “Busy.”

“Yeah, Michelle said work’s been crazy lately.”

Jennifer nodded lightly.

Tom smiled.

“Well you seem settled in around here now.”

That sentence hit Jennifer unexpectedly hard.

Settled in.

Like she belonged here.

Like Jennifer had always existed.

Tom adjusted the beer beneath his arm casually.

“Seen your aunt Kathy around a few times too.”

Jennifer’s pulse jumped instantly.

“She doing good?”

Jennifer **** herself not to hesitate.

“Yeah. She’s good. I was just at her salon”

Tom nodded, “she’s a sweetheart.”

Then after a brief pause:

“Any word on Michael?”

Jennifer’s stomach tightened immediately.

Tom shrugged casually.

“People been wondering about him.”

Jennifer looked down at her basket, then answered quietly “he’s still helping family out west.”

Tom nodded sympathetically.

“Man. Tough situation.”

Jennifer **** a small smile.

“Yeah.”

The cashier called her forward.

Jennifer stepped up quickly, suddenly **** to leave.

Tom smiled again behind her.

“Well tell Michelle I said hi.”

“I will.”

Jennifer paid, gathered the shopping bags carefully, and walked back toward the parking lot feeling strangely shaky.

Not because Tom suspected anything.

He clearly didn’t.

That was the problem.

Tom Mitchell had looked directly at Jennifer standing there buying tampons and makeup wipes…

…and saw absolutely nothing remotely connected to Michael anymore.

—

When Jennifer got home, Michelle was sitting cross-legged on the couch answering emails from her laptop.

She looked up immediately.

“Hey babe. Get everything?”

Jennifer dropped the Walgreens bag onto the coffee table.

Michelle blinked.

“…What?”

Jennifer stared at her.

“Why would you put tampons on that list?”

Michelle stared for one confused second.

Then burst out laughing.

“Oh my God.”

“I’m serious.”

Michelle tried unsuccessfully to stop laughing.

“Jennifer…”

“Tom Mitchell was standing behind me in line.”

Michelle covered her face briefly.

“Oof.”

“Yeah.”

For a second Michelle looked sympathetic.

Then her smile returned.

“And?”

“And he saw them.”

Michelle lowered her hands.

“Okay?”

Jennifer stared at her in disbelief.

Michelle shook her head affectionately.

“You’re acting like he caught you buying ****.”

“That is not the point.”

“Then what is the point?”

Jennifer opened her mouth.

Then stopped.

Because honestly?

She didn’t fully know anymore.

Michelle softened immediately.

“Jenn. Women buy tampons every day. Nobody thinks twice about it.”

Jennifer muttered quietly:

“I did.”

Michelle smiled gently.

“Well… stop.”

Then after a brief pause:

“You should honestly keep a couple in your purse anyway.”

Jennifer snapped her head toward her.

“What?”

Michelle shrugged casually.

“In case one of your friends needs one in the ladies room or something.”

Jennifer simply stared at her.

Friends.

Ladies room.

Tampons in her purse.

Michelle said it all so naturally.

So matter-of-factly.

Like this was simply Jennifer’s life now.

Then Michelle smiled teasingly.

“You’re officially one of us now.”

Jennifer felt something twist quietly in her chest again.

Not panic this time.

Something softer.

More dangerous.

Because part of her no longer felt like she was pretending anymore.