Cave

“Cave it is then,” Ron said as he quickly cast a light spell to help him see, something he was soon grateful for.

“Oh my,” came a silky voice from just beyond the light. “It looks like I owe those fools an apology. Honestly I thought all that talk about there being fresh meat on other worlds ripe for the taking was only wishful thinking, but here you are!”

With those words the most horrible monster Ron had ever seen stepped into the light.

Eight glowing red eyes, silver hair, long slender arms, and the best rack he had ever seen full on display. Then came the eight black chitinous legs, the bulbous thing those legs were attached to, whatever the hell it's called. It was as if some demented but beutiful woman had tried to transfigure herself into a spider but got stuck half way.

Now while some would argue that the creatures-that-must-not-be-thought-of he met in his second year would be worse, but they’d be wrong. Those monsters didn’t try and hid the fact that they were monsters, while this one was trying to trick him with a fantastic pair of tits. Honestly, Hermione only had bugbites in comparison.

No, must not think about that. That’s the little head doing the thinking, so ignore the orbs of jiggling perfection and use the big head to think of a way out of here Weasley!