Breaking it Down at the Break of Dawn

You fell asleep somehow, staring at the ceiling in the dark one moment then blinking at the gray morning light the next. You weren’t rested and you rubbed your stinging eyes then squeezed them shut. They felt heavy and wanted to stay closed but your mind was already bubbling itself awake. Your senses took a minute to catch up because you didn’t hear her footsteps before they were already stopped at the couch.

“John? Are you awake?” asked your mother, noticing that you weren’t really sleeping. You squinted up at her blurry form and nodded, reluctantly swinging your legs down so that you were sitting on the couch instead of laying on it. Your mother took a seat next to you with only the barest hesitation and you felt the hem of her robe brush your bare leg.

“Mornin, mom,” you groaned, stifling a yawn and still rubbing an eye. Your back was hunched as you rested your elbows on your knees.

“Mmm…” was all she had for a reply. Now you remembered why things would be awkward and you slowly straightened your back. You looked over at your other and her form resolved into focus. Her hair had been hastily combed but she still had that fresh out of bed look, her features soft and her eyes also looking a little tired like she had a fitful night’s sleep too. Her robe was done up tightly and she clutched at one of the ties with a hand, the other rubbing the back of her neck.

There was awkward silence that neither mother or son wanted to break. You wondered where your aunt was. You wondered what you should say to your mother. Thankfully she spoke first.

“Leslie’s told me about her... condition…” she began, staring through the coffee table. “And how you’re the one who has been… helping...her.”

You nodded and felt how dry and scratchy your throat felt as you swallowed your nervousness.

“Thank you,” she said. You blinked at her still not making eye contact with you. She finally turned to look at your face. “Thank you for helping my sister,” said your mom, sincere in her expression and tone. “For helping your aunt,” she added. “I can’t say I agree with the arrangement but… well she’s sick. If she doesn’t get her… treatment… she’ll die.” It was like your mother had been reciting these thing in her head all night. She had been trying to justify this awful truth, trying to convince herself of the greater good.

“It’s no joke,” you decided to chime in, finding a confidence and clarity in your voice you didn’t realise you had. “She was already a very severe case by the time I diagnosed her again. And Aunt Les has been managing it well, all things considered. I mean.. Considering she was gay.”

“Was?” Your mother raised an eyebrow.

“Is,” you amended, wavering a little. “I don’t know… what did she tell you?” you tried. If she didn’t know that you were eavesdropping and spying on them the night before she didn’t need to find out like this.

“She said it’s complicated,” admitted your mother. “And I think I’ll leave it at that. Look John, I’m your mother. I’m an adult woman. I know things. I know how the world works. I know the job you do and I know you care about your aunt. I’m almost happy that it’s you that’s the one doing this… but I’m not going to pretend like that makes everything alright. Because it’s not.”

“I know. I understand it’s not ideal,” you said. “But… I’m also I’m not going to pretend that it’s not enjoyable. Because it is.” You remained pokerfaced under the tenseness you saw flash across your mother’s expression. Then you decided to push back a little more. “I also know about… you and aunt Les,” you said.

She frowned at you at first, but then a second later realised what you meant and her eyes widened. “I’m not judging you on that,” you added quickly. “It’s a thing between you sisters. I know sexuality is a complicated thing.” Your mother couldn’t look at you now and you could see her blushing. She shook her head a bit.

“I want to say that’s different and not related to any of this… but I don’t know how true that would be,” said your mother, sounding a little defeated but there was a hint of relief to the way her shoulders went back.

“It’s all relative I guess,” you said, smirking. The woman cracked a smile and gave you a playful slap on the shoulder for breaking her.

“You’re not out of the woods yet, mister,” she scolded you, though lightness had returned to her tone. “Speaking of which, John. You better go.”

You tilted your head in confusion at her direction as she waved you away. She then pointed to your crotch and glanced down a few times, indicating that your erection was obvious. “Don’t let that morning wood go to waste son,” she said. “I’m staying here. You go and … do the thing you have to do. I know Leslie needs her morning dose. I certainly don’t want to be around when for it happens.”

She protested a little too much, you reckoned, but nodded. Still feeling sheepish about your mother pointing out your hard on you got off the couch and headed to the bedroom with your hands in front of your shorts. You wondered if your aunt was awake yet.