Breakdown and introspection

The morning ended, and we went on our way to the cafeteria, alongside Sarah. We noticed that Sarah still seemed a bit weirded out by my change of heart and how I was smiling more. We spotted Sophie talking with Andrea at a table near the wall.

She had a bright smile when she saw us approaching. "Airi!"

Andrea seemed quite astonished to see us though. Not that it was surprising. After all, Sophie always complained about me until yesterday.

"Good morning, Andrea. How was your class?" I asked, sitting next to Sophie.

"I-it was okay…" She awkwardly replied.

Sarah sat next to Andrea, smiling at her. "Hi!"

"I'm sure you are wondering why we are eating with you, considering how... I treated Sophie in the past.." We were thinking of how to formulate it, hesitancy in our voice. "I told both Sarah and Sophie this today, but I want to turn over a new leaf. "I know I've been... a bitch to Sophie, before, and I deeply apologize…" I didn't like calling myself a bitch, but it was true… "So, please, would you allow me and Sarah to be your friends?"

"Of course! Do you mind, Andrea?" Sophie said, glancing at her friend.

She still seemed awkward, but shook her head. "N-no… I don’t mind."

“Thank you, Andrea!" I said, bowing slightly at her.

We could see in Andrea's eyes that she had absolutely no idea what happened for Sophie and me to be on friendly terms and to have a change of heart so fast. We all talked about trivial matters for a bit while eating, before Sophie decided to ask a bold question to Sarah.

"Can I ask you something, Sarah?"

"Sure! What is it?" Sarah replied.

“How did you... become friends with Airi?" Sophie slowly asked.

W-what?

Sophie chuckled shyly. "S-sorry if it's too personal..."

"No, it's fine." Sarah said, taking a sip of her glass.

We were pretty curious to know how it happened as well. I was scared of her answer though, so I had never asked.

"Well… When we started highschool, I saw that Airi... tended to stay alone… You avoided people, but I could see that you were feeling lonely. That you were just acting tough." She explained, looking at me.

She was right… I was a lone wolf when I first started highschool, but Sarah sort of... kept pushing to be my friend.

"So... I wanted to help you… I'm glad you finally changed, but I feel like I didn't help at all…" Sarah then sighed.

"That's not true! You helped me a lot!" It was probably because of him, but I felt more emotional, and had to interject… “Most people only tried to befriend me because of Mother… Only wanting to improve their standing by being friends with me… But you aren't like that! You've been by my side all this time despite my shitty personality!" Tears started to form on our face… "I didn't deserve your kindness, and yet you kept showing it to me!"

My emotional outburst didn't go unnoticed, Ll three girls staring at me with their eyes wide open. It was pretty out-of-character for me to be like that.

"S-sorry…" We were sobbing, losing control of our emotions.

Sophie came closer and hugged us. "Shhh… Calm down, it's okay…" Her fingers scratched our scalp gently.

Sophie hugging us made me feel strange… The girl I used to bully was the one comforting me…

"A-Airi…" Sarah started, looking at me warmly. "Thank you..."

Andrea seemed uncertain of what to say, but finally spoke. "I... I admit that I... thought you were faking it when you said you were sorry… But... I was wrong…" Her voice was shaken. She was troubled by what she saw. "I feel bad for thinking that, now..."

We smiled weakly. "It's okay… I... I knew it would take time… I just… Something... happened that made all my buried feelings come to the surface…”

It wasn't a lie, after all… He was responsible for this… He broke the facade that I built... and let the real me free...

We calmed down shortly after, thanks to Sophie's hug. We finished eating mostly in silence, while the other girls were talking to each other, but Sophie kept holding our hand the entire time. We were... glad... that Sarah enjoyed herself.

The rest of the classes were uneventful, and we went back home. Sophie wanted to meet us after school to hang out, so we went to change from our school uniforms before meeting at my house. We put on an elegant pink skirt and a red shirt, a look I enjoyed.

I was quite nervous, though… To think that I would invite her to my house...

"Why do I feel this way? Is it because he is controlling me?"

We didn't have the time to think about this as the bell rang, indicating that Sophie had arrived. We quickly went to open the door for her.

"Sophie!"

"Hi Airi!" She said, hugging us.

We smirked, noticing how she called us. "Good, you didn't call us Ben this time."

Sophie seemed almost disappointed for a moment. "Oh… You're still... doing that?"

We sighed, explaining ourselves. “He told you the reason already… He is feeling really guilty about possessing me… He loves Mother and wants me to be a good daughter, and is angry that I am not close to her. But he doesn't want to lie to her either..."

"I see... That's a difficult situation…" Sophie said, before putting a hand on our shoulder. "But it's not like you really have a choice in the matter, after all… You're not possessing her because you want to…"

"He is gonna stop the mind sink, for now…" We said dejectedly.

Mind sink was the name he came up with for this strange situation where we felt like our minds merged into one. It seemed like a fitting term.

"Sorry... Airi..."

As I did with Sophie yesterday in class, I slightly released my grip on Airi's brain, allowing myself to think freely again. "Ow…" I held my forehead, almost losing my balance. "It was... more intense... this time..."

"M-maybe you shouldn't do that anymore…" Sophie worriedly suggested.

I looked at her, guilt all over my face. "Sophie… I'm... stealing her life… If by doing that, she can still enjoy some of it, it's worth it… Besides… You saw that she isn't really a bad person… Me sinking inside her mind brought back all the emotions she buried deeply inside her heart…" After a moment of silence, I continued, quietly. "I... I sorta understand why she became like that… You don't become a bitch just because you want to, after all… She... just doesn't really trust anyone anymore after having been used so much in middle school. I'm feeling remorseful for having judged her so harshly…"

I wasn’t lying. My opinions on Airi had considerably changed since yesterday, when I learnt of what she kept hidden for so long.

Sophie looked away. "I never really thought about that... "

"But... As you said, it's not like I have a choice… I'm **** to steal someone's life, no matter what…" I started to cry, but those were my tears, instead of Airi's, unlike during lunch..." I became a fucking monster..."

"That's not t-"

Sophie started, trying to confort me, but I held her shoulders and stopped her. I hadn't yet fully recovered from lunch's breakdown, I was still quite unstable emotionally.

"It is true!" I screamed, before looking at my hands... Airi's hands... "And the worst part... is that I enjoy it! I like being Airi! I didn't realise how much I missed my mom, until yesterday, when I met Margaret… She's always been so sweet to Airi… I'm jealous of her!" I looked away, covering my face with my hands, unable to face Sophie.

"Ben..." Sophie muttered, but I couldn't look at her. I was far too ashamed.

"Why did it have to turn out like this… I never wanted this... I should have endured Nadia's drunkness... I shouldn't have infiltrated that damn castle..." I croaked. "I hate this..."

Sophie came closer and hugged me, just like she did to us during lunch. "Just the fact that you're thinking all that proves that you aren't a monster, Ben… You are a good person, caring about other people's feelings even in such a situation… That's why I fell in love with you..."

Her sweet words were comforting, even if it didn’t help stop the tears. "S-Sophie… Thank you... for being here…" I held her more tightly sobbing on her shoulder.

"You don't have to thank me…" She said, caressing my hair. "It's my turn to tell you to remember yesterday… ‘What kind of girl would I be if I didn't help the person I love and grew up with?’ Those were my words, and I meant it." Sophie suddenly kissed me, taking me by surprise... "Feeling better?"

Her surprise kiss did manage to get a small smile out of me. "Yeah, a bit… S-sorry… I invited you here, and yet I'm just having a mental breakdown..."

"It's okay, Ben. You've been through a lot. I would probably be in an even worse state than you were I in your situation." She declared, pulling me closer again, my face resting close to her neck. Her perfume was sweet, it was kinda relaxing. "Wanna do something to clear your mind?" Sophie asked after a few minutes, once I finally managed to stop crying.

"Hmm…" After pondering for a moment, I had an idea. "I want to spend some time with you... as Airi..."

"Airi?" Sophie took a step back, slightly worried. "You want to use your ability again so soon? Despite how you felt when it ended?"

I nodded. "You heard Sarah at lunch… Airi is a lonely girl… I... I want her to feel liked by people… To see that she has friends she can count on… I want to spend the afternoon with you like that, so she can still experience it."

Sophie smiled. "Okay, if that's what you want."

"Thank you…"

I then proceeded to sink inside her mind, faster than before, thanks to having already done that earlier. Airi and I became one again.

"Done. He is getting better at it." We said while observing ourselves. “It's so strange… It's like we don't even know who we truly are when he is doing that…” We chuckled at this sensation. "So, what would you like to do? Maybe we could try to watch some TV shows?" We pointed at the television behind us. “We have a pretty nice TV, as you can see!"

"Sure!"

We took Sophie by the hand. "Let's sit on the couch, it'll be more comfortable!"

Sophie smiled, her grip tightening our hand. "Alright."

I had to admit that I was pretty excited to hang out with her like this. I rarely had the chance to do these kind of things before...

We chuckled. "You know, it appears that I like most of the same things as you."

"Really?"

"Yes! I just never had the opportunity to share that with anyone…” We sighed. “Sarah is only interested in action and horror movies… But they're just so... gruesome..."

"I see…" Sophie looked shocked for a brief instant, before smiling again. "Ben loves them, too."

"That, he does…” We agreed before opening my laptop. “Well, let's start! You can choose what we'll watch."

"Thanks!" After browsing through the streaming website, Sophie found something. "Let's watch Mirth! It's a show about a highschool choir club, and it's one of my favourite shows!"

We shrugged. "Why not. We don't know much about that one."

Sophie grabbed the laptop and plugged it into the TV before starting the first episode. At first, I was enjoying the show a lot, until I saw a gay character in it. It still bothered me a bit, but not as much as it would have before… And I even started to feel sympathy for him. It made me feel awful. I always blindly followed what Father said. But... Sophie was a really nice girl, and Mother has done nothing but treat me well… Maybe he was right, and I should move on…

We spent a few hours watching the show, until the sun started to set… We were halfway done with the first season.

“It was a really nice show!" We commented cheerfully.

Sophie grinned happily. "I'm glad you enjoyed it, Airi!" Looking at the golden light outside, she got up. “I should probably get back home, before it gets dark."

We nodded. "Be careful, Sophie. And thank you." We added, pulling her into a hug.

"It's normal! We're friends. Just... Do you think I could speak to Ben later, over the phone?"

"Of course. He doesn't think he can keep this up for much longer, anyway. It's mentally exhausting..."

"Oh… I'll let you rest then. We'll text later, okay?" Sophie said.

“Okay. See you later.”

"See you!"