So you like to play both sides of the field? Fine by me. This category entails anything from chicks armed with anything from dildos to actual cocks to men sporting huge cocks. Basically, anything goes (of course, within the boundaries)

With the most courageous orc reaching out and touching you, you snap out of your train of thought. It hisses as its fingers touch the fabric of your hoodie.
"Soft! It must be an elf-friend!" it speaks. Sneers and noises of contempt follow this declaration, accompanied by what you assume are cursewords.
"Get it!" one voice says. "Yes! Let's eat it!" another voice, backing the first, is heard to say. "You shouldn't eat me!" you try, **** to get out of this bind.
Your voice trembles as you continue: "You'd make Elrond Half-Elven very angry! You know him, don't you? If you touch me any further, he will hear of this and slay you and all of your foul kind!"

Upon hearing that name, the orcs first cringe, but then regain their composure, even seem more hateful. "Get it!" the first voice speaks again. Now, a dozen clawed orc hands reach for you, tearing at your clothes. With your baggy hoodie, they have plenty of spots to grab on to you. Soon, you feel the fabric starting to tear. With a series of sharper tugs, the hoodie comes out. Angry at the orcs, you smash two of them aside with your fists, but soon find yourself hopelessly outnumbered. For some reason, they aren't killing you though, despite being able to do so without much hassle. "Don't touch me!" you shout again, your fists swinging wildly around, occasionally hitting an orc but all you manage to hurt is yourself, with your fists hitting the armour of the orcs without harming them.
However, making such a ruckus must've worked, since, like a true deus ex machina, a cry is heard when an orc is felled by an arrow. The rest ignores you completely and moves to face whatever is attacking them. You take your chance and grab one of the swords from the ground, one of the many that were discarded in the fistfight with the orcs. Whomever is striking at the orcs, you're intent on helping them out. Barechested, angry and sporting a sword, you walk towards the first orc with its back to you.