Bethany, bachelorette - Part 2

Locking the rickety stall door behind me, I started to undress. A public bathroom is not ideal under most circumstances, but Kooky's continued to outdo itself. The linoleum tiles were stained an off-yellow, the stall's metal components showed signs of rust, and I think on the way in I saw a poster of a tentacle monster on the wall. I was on edge looking for cockroaches from the get go, pulling my blouse off as quickly as I could so as not to miss any. My jeans were next. The daiquiri had unfortunately soaked through to my knickers (figured I'd curb the word from my Mustached confidante), and I started to use my blouse to towel off my sticky limbs. Switching to toilet paper I dabbed my hair as best I could. My veil was no doubt ruined, but Madison's tiara was still fine, just a bit slippery. Standing in my underwear, I changed my tampon and shivered, trying to figure out where I was going to get new clothes. I suppose I could text Madison, see if she had some extra Bride Squad gear in the limo. I'd no doubt be wearing Bride Squad booty shorts, but hey it'd be better than nothing.

"Can you meet me in the ladies' room?" I texted Madison.

No sooner had the message been sent, when a slinky and freshly dry-cleaned black dress flipped over the side of the stall--complete with a dry towel and a plastic bag for my soiled unmentionables. "Never mind," I texted Maddie again. A bit weirded out, not sure who had thrown it over, I called out an apprehensive, "thank you," from behind the door, but got no response back. The Brit wouldn't have gone inside the ladies room, would he? No they're too polite for that. Maybe someone on Kooky's staff had taken pity on me after the daiquiri geyser? Whoever they were they had gone above and beyond: clipped to a specialized hanger was a lacy green push-up bra and a matching thong. Unsure about wearing a stranger's underwear, especially ones so randy, I remembered that beggars can't be choosers, and started to change clothes.

"Hey, one of my roommates had a dress like this," I thought, slipping into the midnight club wear. I was a little bit nervous about showing off my midriff, but I had been keeping to my bridal diet. Might as well flaunt the curves.

Exiting the bathroom stall I headed to the mirror to fix my makeup. The rest of the dingy room was in dire need of a good mopping and graffiti littered most of the walls. Grossed out and hoping to leave as quick as possible, I did pause to blink at the peculiar faucet that was set into the wall.

Sticking out of the beige plaster above the sink was a tan-mocha colored "Fanny Tap". I had of course read descriptions of the cutting edge plumbing technology. I wanna say Tesla rolled them out last year, but nothing quite compared to seeing one in the flesh. Mounted to the wall, the bulbous spigot was about the size of my head but tapered down before splitting into two long appendages. Said limbs were smooth and thick, flowing down from the tap itself before bending in the middle and draping their girth on either side of the sink. At each end was a strange oblong dial, capped by a series of tiny knubs (five on each dial) with one dial labeled "Hot" and the other "Cold." Both written in what appeared to be black marker. This struck me as oddly tacky for such a feat of modern engineering: a sign nearby said a Fanny Tap was "designed to be able produce its own moisture without an outside water source." Trendy and sustainable, who knew Kooky's was so eco-friendly?

Between the two limbs, the spout itself was a deeper grey color though pleasantly pink in the center. Shaped like a tear drop, a bit of condensation had to started to form in its quivering rivulets, and it gave off a bit of a heady scent. A third dial was set into the dip above the tap, at almost eye level, but this one was like a black silicone knob plugged into the center of the round top. A small brass chain was attached to the knob for easy pulling. I assumed it controlled the water pressure.

Still a little sticky from the syrup, I wanted to wash up before I left, but two things about the faucet made me grimace. A patch of hair was stuck to the base of the tap--almost like someone had collected it there. And two, someone had left the words "LICK ME" in more sharpie, with an arrow pointing toward the spout. My tongue wasn't touching ANYTHING in this bathroom, but I knew I should go wash up, so I started trying to figure out how this machine worked.

The sign had no instructions, just a reminder to not waste water. I experimented with the black dial first, but turning it had no effect. I even tried pulling on the chain, but it just emerged with a loud "squelch", not a drop of water in sight. "Purely decorative," I grimaced sarcastically. The interior attachment looked quite lewd. Hastily depositing it in the sink, I switched to the "Cold" dial, twisting it then pulling it, before running my fingers over the little knubs. The walls were thin enough I could hear someone giggling in the men's room, but still no water. I huffed, surmising it was clogged, then carefully probed a finger inside the Fanny Tap itself, moving around its folds. I felt no impediment--if anything it seemed quite deep--but my index finger seemed to produce more slickness as it rubbed around the shallow end. I had to be getting closer.

Tracing my finger in a tight circle around the faucet's rim, I noticed there were two soap dispensers--one labeled "Lubricant-Water Based". My mouth went a little dry, but friction seemed to be working? So gritting my teeth, I extracted my clammy digit and gave the dispenser two quick clicks, clear liquid flowing onto my hand. Now freshly lubed, I slid myself back inside with a shudder, daring to add a second finger, and increased my pace.

More noise came from the men's room.

"Well I'll be, Kooky's went and gave this pig sty an upgrade," said a voice, speaking with a nice twang. I guessed it was Cowboy Hat from the accent, plus the sound of heavy boots climbing some sort of stairway. The man was so close I could hear him unzip his fly. "Let's see what this ol' girl can do, heh heh heh," he said, and whatever machine he was operating on his side started to make the Fanny Tap buck and bounce against my hand.

"Damn faulty construction," I thought. They must've connected the Fanny Tap water to something in the men's room. And here I was lubed up and knuckle deep with barely a trickle to show for it. I braced myself against the gyrating spigot, leaning on the "Hot" dial with my free hand. "Could you, uh, stop whatever you're doing?" I called out, "I'm trying to operate the Fanny Tap."

No response. I angrily dug my fingers into the "Hot" dial. There was an exultant "Mmmmmm" that seemed to ripple through both sides of the wall, followed by a repetitive "guh, guh, guh." Cowboy Hat for his part sounded joyous, letting out a cliché "Yeehaw," as the sounds continued in earnest.

"Ah yeah, this is wild! Now we're getting into it," cowboy grunted, before switching to a steely whisper at the end. "You like that, huh? You like this nice, big dick, don'cha BJ Machine?"

There was a loud sucking noise, like Donald Duck being sent through a tube, followed by an ecstatic "pop" and the sound of someone shaking something slippery. A feminine voice replied:

"Aww yeah, baby. Your dick makes me SO hot. Mmm, I just wanna feel in it my mouth. Over and over and--GAH!"

"Less talking, more sucking, pretty thing," the cowboy interrupted, "The dirty talk's mighty fine, but I gotta hit the road here pretty quick."

"Right away...stud," the voice answered, low and somehow familiar, before the rhythmic thumping resumed.

Ugh, gross! Was he seriously using a BJ Machine in a public restroom? Oh my god, was I seriously listening to someone use a BJ Machine in a Kooky's restroom? One more obnoxious aspect of the patriarchy. Men's room gets an AI fleshlight and I'm stuck in here with a broken sink. I needed to get out of here, but I still HAD to go wash up. Errgh, why wouldn't this thing work? After grabbing the "Hot" dial, the Fanny Tap had started to drip a little, but it also seemed to buck more wildly, making my ineffectual fingering even more of a chore. I clasped my hands to my temples, not caring anymore about the collected scum, before locking eyes with the black marker script I had been hoping to avoid. "Lick Me" -- The Nuclear Option.

"Fuuuucking fine," I hissed. If it got me out of this damn bathroom. Grabbing the Fanny Tap by both sides of its jiggling head and wrenching its spout upward, I gagged before diving in tongue first between its olive legs. Muscles straining, I made the fucking thing stay put by shear **** of will, as I avoided its tangle of hairs like the plague. But --huuuhg-- I licked it. I licked and--oh god, huuuhg--I licked it some more. I licked it and I licked it and I kept--fuuuuhgcking--licking it, over and over. I gave this dumb, green-peace-ass, Elon Musk-approved hydrant the tongue lashing of its inanimate life. Lube and copper tasting fluid hit my taste buds, but I maintained my manic tongue flicking like a starving dog.

From the sound of it, the men's room fucker finally got some karma. Holding the Fanny Tap by its meaty sides, it shimmied to MY movements, not the other way around, and I started to hear creaking through walls. My tongue found more and more purchase, each lick accompanied by the cocksucker's artificial moans. Then all at once a sudden tremor moved through the Fanny Tap and the adjacent wall, eliciting a sharp gasp and another surprised "pop".

"AAHH, yes, Yes! Right there, baby, yes. UUUAaau-hMMMMmmm...ah fuck, babe."

Jesus, the new models are really coded it to lay on the porno noises. But God, why could I not remember where I'd heard that voice before?

"Whoa, whoa, what's happening now," went the cowboy, no doubt perturbed by the returning dirty talk. "Whatcha doing that with your eyes for--oh shit--YAEHH!!"

There was a crash on the other side of the wall. I think Cowboy Hat took a tumble down the stairs, but the unfeeling machine didn't seem to notice, or care, growing louder with each successive shudder.

"Almost there, almost there....nnnnnNNNNNNNN. YES YES FUUUUuuuuuuuuuuuck mEEEEEEEEEEEE AHHHHHHHuugh," malfunctioned the BJ Machine, no doubt echoing through the entire bar.

I was about ready to give my sore tongue a rest, but then I felt it. Water.

In time with the high-pitched screams from the thing on the other side, the Fanny Tap finally let loose its hidden contents. First in short spurts, then in cartoonish downpours, before finally becoming a steady stream of pure H2O. Having learned from the Val incident, I extracted myself from the spray before it became too much, and watching it start to fill the sink, rubbed some soap in my hands before washing off my musty face and fingers. "There has to be an easier way to operate this thing," I sighed in relief, taking some time to spit the taste of pennies from my mouth. "Ugh, I'd take a normal faucet any day." And yet despite all the toil and new things that had been in my mouth, at the end of it all I did feel a strange sense of accomplishment. I guess I could stand do that again--in a nicer bathroom. "For the environment," I told my quivering arousal.

And though the men's bathroom toy was still on the fritz, I did hear the cowboy make one final comment.

"Wow, alright. Guess I'll finish myself."

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

All made up and once more presentable, I was ready to brave the "kooky" outside world. It was amazing to think that after all that'd transpired, I still had not had a drop of ****. Okay, I had a glass of wine in the limo, but I had worked that off on the Butt Coaster alone, HOURS ago.

Had I really been here hours? It was honestly hard to tell. First the poster in the "Bride Squad" room, the Butt Coaster and trying to get drinks, Val and the reason I'll never drink strawberry daiquris again, meeting the Brit, getting cleaned up, and doing some "hands on" indoor plumbing all while experiencing period cramps. Hell of a bachelorette party, Maddie. Oh god, what have Madison and the others have been up to this whole time? The girls are going to kill me.

Steeling myself for whatever else Kooky's had in store, I opened the door to the ladies' room and walked out. Like Brian said, for a moment everything at Kooky's felt normal, but I didn't believe it for a second. Come on you freaks, what else you got? Do I need to **** the opossums to validate parking?!

Getting turned around slightly, I first went into the main bar by accident. On instinct I ducked behind a chair, but luckily Val and her "cocktails" were nowhere to be seen. I checked my six all the same. The short haired dart girl had switched games, now fastened to a wheel on the wall. Her erstwhile competitors primed their cocks, aiming at her exposed flesh. I watched as the two men tried to hit crude drawings and point values that now speckled the girl, spinning around on the wall with glee. Hmm, not exactly my cup of tea, but they seemed to be in high spirits.

The couple in the corner had moved to the television, now showing some sitcom intro about multiple chefs. The man was hammering into his extremely life-like blow up doll, a glass of beer held in his hand. Aww, young love. Even the decor felt more plain. Kooky's trademark pinup girls lined the walls, mooning and flashing the assembled drunks with 2-D coquettish zeal. Retracing my steps, I almost bumped into the cowboy who, naked except for his hat and boots, was headed home to get some shut-eye. I owed Madison an apology. I really overreacted in the parking lot.

Happy to be back with my Bride Squad, I made my triumphant return to our private room. Someone had taken the poster off the wall, thank god, but the women were there just as I left them. Madison kicking back with her pale ale resting atop the Butt Coaster. Desiree pounding rum and cokes until she was red in the face. And Tahlia, dear sweet Tahlia, licking nervously at one of Val's leaking breasts. Ehhhhhhh normal enough, I guess? But I made my way to the side of the table OPPOSITE the daiquiri fountain all the same.

"AYYYY, she's back," cheered Madison, noticing my arrival, "looking great, girl!"

"Brian told us about your little clothing snafu," added Desiree.

"Um, who?" I stuttered.

"Brian," Desiree smiled and leaned forward. Next to her was Mr. Mustache, "Brian" I guess now, who pulled his hand from Desi's pants in a slick hello. His other hand was typing away on his mobile.

"He said he'll be joining us."

"The more the merrier," I offered, settling into my seat, "you're super into that phone, Brian." His mustache twitched, but he finished typing. "The phone's not important," and I had to agree.

Finally looking up, Brian tutted."How are you doing after your quick...wash?" the Brit grinned, moving his eyebrows up and down suggestively. "Has Kooky's CHANGED YOUR MIND yet?"

"I don't know about 'changed my mind'," I shrugged, missing the innuendo. "Perhaps it's growing on me? I don't know why I was so against it earlier, it's just a normal bar."

"Growing, yes, I guess that's fair," Brian said twisting his handlebar. "Speaking of growing, you'll be extremely complimentary if you see my penis tonight."

Not likely, Brian. I furrowed my brow, but the rest of the Bride Squad giggled as though this was some sort of inside joke.

"Hahaha, we heard someone...fixing the pipes, while you were in the bathroom," Madison added, recovering slowly. I blanched, and did my best to change the subject.

"What's everyone else been up to while I was gone?"

"I ABSORBED someone, " answered Desiree emphatically. Brian pulled her dress down to expose her left boob, nibbling on it as Desi laughed.

Yep! Totally normal bar, I kept telling myself that. I was not expecting to see any more boobs tonight, nor try to parse the phrase "absorbed someone." But everything was fine, right? It's ALL FINE.

Oh god, speaking of boobs...

"Well I just wanted to say how deeply sorry I was about our earlier interaction," Val said stroking her engorged duds, "And on behalf of Kooky's, everything you order tonight is on us." The Bride Squad cheered though Tahlia a bit halfheartedly. "So drink up and HAVE AS MUCH AS YOU LIKE," continued our bartender, staring directly at Tahlia.

"I think I'm good," the college girl recoiled, responding with a higher pitch than normal.

"Nonsense," replied Val, "there's MORE DAIQUIRI where that came from." And so saying she pulled the snotty girl onto her squishy tit. Tahlia suckled obligingly while the rest of us cheered, before pulling herself off Val's strawberry milkers with a cough.

"That's right ladies, if there's anything we can get you, just go ahead and ask," the blonde beamed, "While you're here at Kooky's you don't have to pay -- with MONEY."

"What was that last part?"

"Hmm?" Val said, distracted slightly as Brian pulled out his GORGEOUS dick. Woo, I'd normally be a bit freaked out, but for that DISTINGUISHED pecker I was soaked.

"Never mind, forget I asked," I said fanning myself as I flushed. Madison moved to get closer before dropping trough, as well. Her puckered vag and pubes visible for all to see. We all giggled a bit confused, as Maddie uttered an embarrassed apology, before opening her mouth up to get speared by Brian's MEGA cock. Impaling herself on Mr. Mustache's MOUTH-WATERING member, Maddie rolled her eyes and made a frightened animal sound as Brian went in hard. Despite his AWE-INSPIRING penis, she turned to me her eyes wide with worry.

"Madison, are you okay?," I grimaced, feeling bad, if a bit jealous, of my plugged up maid of honor. "It's nice of you Brian to give her a taste, but try be a careful. Maddie's not that experienced."

"Yeah she looks uncomfortable, dude," said Desi, her mouth hanging open as she watched.

Rolling his eyes, Brian fished for his UNIMPORTANT phone. "Madison will...be more than excited to give me expert head here at the table. How's that?"

As all traces of anxiety faded, my maid of honor let out an exultant "whoop" as she pulled her "Bride Squad" shirt over her ears. A thrown bra later and her pants still at her ankles, she started rubbing herself between her legs, pony tail bouncing as she polished Brian's HANDSOME prick. She took to dick sucking like she was made for it, savoring the MANLY sausage between her lips. The seated Brit caressed his smartphone, leering at us gainfully and awaiting our responses. We of course sat patiently, sipping our collective drinks with envy.

"Well--ohww--it's getting late," Brian said, addressing the whole enraptured group, "and we've all had a lot of fun. I've gotten to know each of you girls in your own special ways, and though you still don't know a lot about me, you've all opened up your hearts to this limey git, and some of you...even more than that!"

He chuckled, slapping his PERFECT dick on Maddie's right cheek, before continuing his speech. "But all good things, must inevitably come to an end. So let's end with a BANG, shall we?" Brian produced his smartphone once again, holding it aloft, thumb poised at the ready. "You lot still need to give Bethany her 'bachelorette' presents, so let me go first and we can make a game of it." His thumb tapped the phone, and scuttling over, Butt Coaster produced a fine black stout with the words "Perfect Woman" written in white on the front of the glass. The ivory decal had a brass chain that curled around the letters before linking back together.

I coughed and turned the glass aside. "It's very thoughtful, Brian, but I ordered a gin and tonic? I'm trying to reach my goal weight before the wedding and that looks a bit unhealthy." I'd gladly drink "something else" of yours, I thought, but kept such impure advances to myself.

Brian roared with laughter, so much so he bonked Madison's head against table. "Ohohohoho, no if anything that beer will help you keep the pounds off, hahahaha!" He wiped his eyes before continuing. "It's a personal invention of mine. Turns the drinker into the 'Perfect Woman'. Who's perfect woman you may ask? Well could be anyone's: mine, your fiancé's, that doll tosser in the main room. Here, let me just give it a quick taste." And so saying, he picked up the stout and spat in it, his white saliva dissolving in the inky dark.

"(slurp) She's not--uh--drinking it now, weirdo," rebuffed Madison, pulling off Brian's IDYLLIC cockhead in disgust. At the spitting, not the genitals, I should add. They were looking LUXURIOUS with pre-cum.

"Oh but that's the game, tich," Brian jeered, before before pushing Maddie's head back down. "She needs to drink it every time she opens up a present."

I side-eyed the Stygian liquid, so dark it seemed to dim the light around it. Fair is fair, I guess, it's just a game. But I hoped it wouldn't go too long, I was starting to cramp again.

"Now I'm sorry I couldn't get drinks for all of you," Brian said with a faux-pout, "but the cherry on the top of this little drinking game is, Bethany, you get to give back to your Bride Squad! Now do your best, don't be shy: when you get your present you should tell your bridesmaid EXACTLY what you think of her."

"What a CAPITAL IDEA," Val said appearing beside me. I jumped as she pounded the Butt Coaster for effect, it's peach exterior having turned almost pink from our collective ****. The topless blonde then placed the Perfect Woman stout in front of me, yet despite Brian's understandable enthusiasm, something about all this made me feel uneasy. Turning to Desiree, I did my best to stall.

"But we can't do presents yet, we're still missing...uhm...whatsername," I paused snapping my fingers. "Huh, I swear we came in here with someone else, right Desi?"

Desiree finally took her eyes off the blowjob and nodded slowly, but Brian took the wheel. "Oh quite right, yes, she was with you," he shook his head, and scrambled for his phone, "one...second."

Pharrah materialized in the private room in nothing but her birthday suit; the normally put together seductress doing little to hide her modesty. Her eyes were glazed over, a line of drool hanging from the corner of her mouth, and her hair, well, walk of shame barely covered it. My former college roommate looked well and truly fucked. Sauntering past me, I saw a vaguely familiar black butt plug on the end of a dangling chain. It was wedged between her swaying cheeks, but it disappeared from view, as she collapsed in a nearby chair. She started idly stroking her bushy mons.

"Jesus, Pharrah, who's the lucky guy?" Desiree asked, trying to make light of the situation, but Pharrah just blithely sighed. "I LIKE DICK," she tittered in her punch drunk state.

"Oop, guess the brain's a little scrambled there," said Brian, "let's get you at least clothed up."

Pharrah was dressed in a Bride Squad shirt. It was neon green and clearly too big for her. Kind of like a smock that fell down to the masturbating girl's knees. Pharrah was rather under dressed for the party, but the look on Madison's face was priceless.

"AWww, you wore it for me? I'm still so sorry I got you the wrong size," cried Madison, jumping out from between Brian's knees to pull Pharrah into a soft hug. Brian looked suddenly confused, wondering why Madison had left his DIVINE johnson unattended, but I knew you can't get between Madison and a best friend cuddle, no matter how GOOD your penis is. The Brit just shrugged his shoulders content to watch as the naked and half-naked women entwined.

Gleefully squeezing the olive girl, Madison preened, "Oh thank you Pharrah, thank you. You don't know how much this means to me." I mean, clearly she didn't know much of anything right now. Pharrah blinked dully and started to move her hips against the unclothed Madison. "SOMEBODY LICK ME," she cooed, adding a three more words to her spaced out vocabulary.

"Now that that's out of the way," Brian cleared his throat, "let the games begin! Who's present should Bethany open first?" He pointed at the assembled bridesmaid in a mock eenie-meanie-minie-moe. "Let's start with Tahlia."

"Um alright, here you go Bethany," Tahlia said handing me a red gift bag. I tore into the tissue, finding no card, and unwrapped a ceramic elephant. "When I saw it, I thought of you," Tahlia murmured weakly.

I bet she did. Considering I had given her the same elephant for her 21st birthday, 6 months ago. I balled up my fist, and tried to say, "how nice," before I remembered the rules of Brian's game.

"Tahlia, you're a spoiled brat who gives bad presents, and I wish you weren't going to be my sister-in-law," I told the tiresome 21 year old.

"Ho shit," uttered Brian, cellphone at the ready, "let me get all that down."

Tahlia, her mouth agape, started to respond but was jolted back at the last second. Her hair shot upward before being pulled into two brown clumps, forming long, high pigtails that started an inch above her head and flowed to the center of her back. Staying the same age, her makeup became precocious and doll-like, with red rosy cheeks and perpetually pouting lips. Her eyes fluttered beneath growing eyelashes and her hair started to take on blonde highlights. Tahlia's Bride Squad shirt morphed into a blue and white sailor suit, and her shorts shrank to a frilly skirt that **** her to cross her legs. Matching knee high tube socks grew from her shoes, which themselves had become white sneakers with brass chain laces. The university student's precious cellphone was the last to go, converting to a bright red lollipop that Tahlia shoved into her mouth.

"Uggh, it's LIKE no fun here," the grown woman whined, stamping her foot as she stood up. Her ridiculous get-up mixed with her obvious immaturity, made all of us cringe as she bobbed away. Who the hell was this girl?

"Sorry, that's MY NIECE, Talli" said an anxious Val, answering the unspoken question. "We're trying to get her out more in the world. SWEETHEART, can I get you a DRINK or SNACK?"

An adult intelligence flashed across Talli's eyes before she decided to respond petulantly. "NO," the tube-socked tyrant retorted. "I WANT THAT," she said pointing at my ceramic elephant. "If she's, LIKE GETTING PRESENTS then I should get PRESENTS, too. Plus if I don't get a PRESENT," she fixed her eyes on her scared aunt, "I--WILL--SCREEEEEEEEEAAAAM--AAHHHH!!"

Val winced at me apologetically, and as fun as it might've been to watch this 20-something throw a tantrum, I just shrugged and handed her the elephant. Talli gleefully clutched it in her hand, momentarily dropping the act to respond with a simple, "aww thank you." Was she behaving like this for someone's benefit?

"Alright enough of that," called Brian. "Time to drink up, Bethany, and Talli, why don't you and Val come play with Uncle Brian's cock?"

Darn it, another missed opportunity. Oh well, I knocked back the black stout, enjoying its warmth all the way down. I don't know what I was so worried about, my body was naturally vibrant and toned. A little dark beer wouldn't hurt my figure. Heck if I wanted to I could run 5 miles right now. Feeling invigorated, I pulled my leg up and over the back of my head, luxuriating in how flexible I was. But remembering my modesty, I set the leg down before licking my lips in satisfaction. But I wasn't the only one with a thirst to quench.

Talli and Val dropped to their knees, almost tackling Brian as they crawled to his chair. Squeezing and licking his erect member, pigtails greedily swallowed the shaft while her blonde aunt took the balls. I watched as Talli's powder blue panties came into view, the brat squatting as she relished Brian's SWARTHY cock with abandon. He must really have a gift with words to get someone to act so outlandish in public.

"Whoooo's next?" cried Brian, firing with both finger guns. "Pharrah dear, did you bring a present?"

We all turned expectantly to the bottomless brunette. Pharrah just crossed her eyes and held out her tongue. "SUCK DICK?" she asked excitedly, miming in Talli's direction.

"Jeez, really did a number on her, WE ALREADY DID THAT," enunciated Brian as he rubbed his forehead. "Let's see if we can't fix her up a little bit."

Pharrah, our resident nerd, adjusted the large circular glasses on the bridge of her nose. Dressed in a modest skirt and tights, she was really a hot tamale, if she could just be more confident in her our skin. The billowy Bride Squad shirt Madison had misordered for her was certainly not helping matters, but tucking it into her skirt anyway, the shy girl fixed her headband and asked, "Sorry what was the--I SUCK DICK--question, again?"

"Good enough," Brian fist-bumped the air. "Do you have a present for Bethany?"

"Ooh dear," Pharrah turned to me tapping her fingers, "Bethany, I'm so sorry. I thought, er uh--I SUCK DICK--I um didn't think, you were supposed to bring a present to a--SOMEBODY LICK ME--bachelorette party. I'm sorry, here you can have--SUCK ME--this. It's all I've got--LICK DICKS-- on me."

"What the hell is wrong with her?" Madison asked clutching her bra to her chest, "And has anyone seen my top?" She had pulled up her pants after hugging Pharrah, but still hadn't found her discarded blouse.

Desi and I held up our hands, as Pharrah pulled something from her hair: a mess of crumpled dollars bills. It stuck to the table where she dropped it. I turned to Brian silently and writing quickly on a napkin asked: "does that count as a present? I don't really have anything to say."

Looking at the napkin, Brian thought it over. "Yeah no, you still have to drink, but I'll give you a bye round on speaking your mind," Brian fumbled with his phone. "Besides she's pretty far gone as is," he said nodding back in Pharrah's direction. The horny nerd had spied Desi's unattended penis straw and without hesitation had started fellating it passionately. The tiny pink willy was actually a full-sized suction cup dildo, and cupping it with both hands, Pharrah pulled it to her mouth to start deep-throating.

I drank more of the Perfect Woman beer, down to about half a glass. This time the bitter taste was pulled deep into my core. God I wonder if I'll be getting any action tonight? After a long day I always felt wet and randy, but in a way uninhibited by most people's preoccupations. Biting my lip, I watched Pharrah blow that fat fake cock before hiking up my dress and using a stranger's thong to fondle my tight damp pussy. Madison and Desiree exchanged worried glances, but Brian watched with rapt attention. He knew how to treat a slut like me.

"Halfway there," Brian leered. "Desiree, move your arse."

The doughy redhead shook her hips as she handed me her pink and gold package. For some reason I had been dreading its contents, but now I was dripping with anticipation. Did she get me a dildo, a strap-on, a double sided dildo? Various penis shaped objects danced in my brain, or at least the sex-adled mush I called a brain. I stroked myself with one hand, and holding the present with the other, started to unwrap it with my teeth. But inside was just a finely made quilt that felt soft and pleasant against my nose. Unfolding it, I saw pictures of Desi and I growing up: the two of us in school, visiting the beach, having sleepovers, making each other laugh, and more. I turned to Desi, who was watching misty eyed, and smiled warmly. I was genuinely moved by her touching gift.

"Just a little something to remember all the good times we had," Desi blushed finishing her shimmy, "we had quite a few." Nostalgia winning out over horniness, I pulled Desi into a hug, but my jaw locked trying to tell her "thank you." Oh right, slut brain, I had forgotten to say what I thought of her.

"Desi, you've been acting like a clown all day, but this gift and all the memories it represents are so sweet and truly you. Where was that Desi earlier? You don't need to make me laugh to be the friend that makes me smile."

Desiree clapped her hands to her heart, but Brian was unenthused. "Booooo," interjected Brian standing up from his double blow job, Val and her niece falling on top of one another as he pulled his schlong away. The pig-tailed college girl started whining without the object of her affection.

"I WASN'T DONE," Talli pouted, face scrunched up like a raisin. "I'll give you a PRESENT, if you give it back!"

"You give shite present by design," barked Brian, "go back to sucking Auntie's breasts and don't stop till they're empty." And with a smack of her lips, Talli straddled Val and bit down on the blonde's nipples, pulling them and gnawing them between her teeth.

"As for you two," Brian said turning on Desi and me, "I didn't come here for this sentimental rubbish."

I looked at him my eyes smoldering. "I could finish what they started," I flirted, but Brian cut me off.

"Let's see, at least you gave me something to work with: 'you've been acting like a clown all day', oh and obviously, 'you don't need...to be the friend that makes me smile.' I guess I'm cheating a little, but I made the rules for myself...so I can bend them."

Blinking, Desiree started to change. Her face went shock white, in fact all of her skin did, her entire body caked in white body paint. A red heart appeared around her left eye and a blue star formed on her right, all while her scarlet hair lightened and frizzed. By the end, it resembled cotton candy just poofed out like a 'fro, and she was coated with lipstick to match. Her Bride Squad hat reformed into floppy bunny ears, and her Bride Squad shirt dissolved till it was just pink suspenders. While her breasts and rear remained large, Desi's middle faded away, replaced with a cartoonish hour glass figure. Long striped pants and bright yellow stilettos completed the look, as Desi-Clown got to work.

"And for my next trick, does anyone need a handkerchief," the clown stripper asked, slapping her fat boobs with her suspenders before rolling onto her beach ball sized buns. Legs in the air, she unbuttoned her trousers to expose a bleached pussy and starting pulling a line of handkerchiefs from within her crevices. A rainbow of tied bandanas emerged from Desi-Clown's cunt, before she somersaulted off the chair to present them to Brian, her pants splitting down the back as she bowed.

"Sorry, folks only so much time left before I'm off the clock," hyucked Desi-Clown, producing an oversized pocket watch dangling from her pants by a brass chain. As her pants slid down without it, I smiled at Madison. I don't' know what possessed her to hire this sex clown, but between this and Kooky's she was killing it with her bachelorette party planning. Madison hung her head in shame as Desi-Clown started to give Brian a boob job, and I heaved a dreamy sigh before taking my third sip of the Perfect Woman beer.

For a moment there I think I blacked out, but when I came to Brian and the circus freak were still going at it. I adjusted my watermelon-sized jugss, not sure when my dress had gotten so tight, and tried to take in my surroundings. Talli's sailor suit was now pink from daiquiri, but she continued to cry for more every time Val started to extract herself. The bartender did her best to explain that she needed to get back to work, but Val couldn't deny the spoiled young woman and kept refilling her breasts with more and more ****. Pharrah had somehow gotten beneath the Butt Coaster, but the nerd was still happily sucking on her dildo, her glasses glinting in the light. I caressed a salami sized areola in approval before turning to look at the rutting Brit.

Standing above Desi-Clown, each of Brian's thrusts seemed to produce a loud latex sound, like someone squeezing a balloon. For her part the clown girl kept on performing, acting out a different emotion with each squeak from her hefty knockers. First shock: with her mouth open in a gasp, then horny with her eyes rolling back, followed by anger as though Brian did something untoward, before ending with acceptance and love-dovey eyebrows. Her breasts seemed to slowly fill with air, their white pores stretching and appearing transparent in the light, but she never lost Brian's dick, cradling it between her inflating "circus tents". Expanding further, she would repeat her comic expressions on a loop all for her captive audience: the indulgent Brian and a still shirtless Madison who was increasingly growing impatient.

"I don't think that's a good use of her time, Brian," Madison spoke, her voice shaky. "I paid her for the bachelorette party, and she's not even performing for the bride." Madison looked to me and, relieved to see I was awake, implored me, "Don't you want Desi-Clown to do something else, Bethany?" I nodded eagerly in support, not sure if she was embarrassed by the display or upset she wasn't a part of it. I for one could think of a few things Brian and Desi-Clown should be "doing" instead.

But Brian was not convinced. Phone once again in hand, he raved, "By the time I'm done tit-fucking her, Desi-Clown will be a clown balloon and anyone who objects can start twerking."

Well of course we twerked. What slut isn't looking for an excuse? Maddie and I spun around in our chairs, pointing our asses at Brian in active protest. Arching her back and popping her booty, I was certain Madison's jiggling tush got her hungry point across. I know mine did. Clapping my PAWG dump truck ass, my wideload shook like two bowls of jello, expressing my dismay and outrage at not being the first one tit-fucked. Had he seen my twin blimps? Talli even got in on the action, but her twerking was a bit awkward while still on top of Val. We continued like this for a while unable to see what was happening, but could plainly hear the sound of something inflating.

"Okay, everyone stop shaking your asses. Madison and Bethany share a long sloppy kiss till I'm done," the pumping Brit commanded. I got the sense he had misinterpreted our twerks, but if it got him off Desi-Clown...

Maddie and I rose in tandem. She blushed awkwardly, but I pulled her to my lips. Tasting her sweet lips, I felt our tongues begin their mutual explorations. I ran my hands through my bridesmaid's hair before wrapping them around her throat, whereas Maddie reached down to goose my luscious curves. We smacked and slobbered, choked and bit, all while Talli gulped, Pharrah sucked, and Desi-Clown fucked her brains out. The clown's tits slowly lifting her off the ground.

With a satisfied grunt, Brian finally creamed, and Maddie and I settled back in our chairs, a bit sweatier than before. The giant clown balloon Brian had been shagging floated up to the ceiling, its pale body a mass of frozen ecstasy. Though its torso and haunch were stretched and distended, it had a twist at the neck, in the middle, and at each of its limbs like a balloon animal. The knot on its bubblegum lips still wheezed air, somehow in and out as though breathing, but bumping against the ceiling, all of Brian's load slid from its chest, landing on our table with a splash.

I figured Brian would be down for the count after that, but a quick tap on his phone later, and Brian's dick was ready for another round.

"Good Lord, alright, just one present left is it?" said the mustached man, breathing hard. "Don't worry, Maddie, I'll help you with your gift, I'm not taking any chances after that last one."

Maddie hopped up nervously to get the last present while Brian typed away on his phone. I swear most of the time, I never have any idea what Brian's talking about, but with my gushy pussy ready for one last present, I didn't much care.

Whew, that went much longer than I expected, and I'm still not done. I'll do my best to try and wrap up the party, but for now I need to focus on other stuff. Hope you enjoyed, and I'll write more soon!! - Ucake