Baring scars

Rina joined us in the lounge with a relatively somber look on her face.

Rina: Gotta admit, it’s impressive how diligent you guys are about the aftercare. I wasn’t ever this anal about it with my partners.

She set down our mugs and sat across from us in her chair.

Rina: Not like I don’t think it’s important. I just…I dunno, felt like I was built different? Not very considerate to the people I was with though, eh? Maybe that’s why you guys’re almost on year seven and I’m single, haha…

Nia: …How about you kick us off again? You seem like you need it.

Rina: …You sure? Yesterday was a big day for you guys, I don’t wanna go too long and dominate the conversation.

Emery: Of course, the length doesn’t matter.

Nia: Pun intended?

Rina: Hah.

Emery: Ha ha, wouldn’t saying that reflect poorly on me in this comparison?

Nia: Would you hate that~?

Emery: …Hmmm…

I hadn’t considered that before for our roleplay. I’d seen it in porn, but it didn’t usually appeal to me much. The idea wasn’t wholly uninviting though, even if I wasn’t necessarily sold on it.

Emery: Maybe not?

Rina: Pfft, hahaha, you’re the freakiest couple I know! Can’t believe I thought you were vanilla.

Rina exhaled heavily following her laughter.

Rina: …On that note though, I think I know a good place to start.

The air around her became more serious and straight. She seemed to have stiffened up, struggling to get comfortable as she shifted in her chair.

Rina: I don’t mean to put ya on the spot here Nia, but…do you get off a little from being treated like a sex toy? Like, being objectified?

A surprised blush crossed Nia’s face.

Nia: Eheh, was I that obvious?

Rina: Kinda? I wasn’t one hundred on it, but I’ve been with a couple people who’re into similar stuff and you reminded me of them. It’s just…the way you’re always focusing on Em’s pleasure and him watching you, like you’re his entertainment. And the way you’re cool with me manhandling you while we fuck? Seemed like you got off on all of it.

Nia: Yeah ya caught me, guilty as charged. I don’t usually view it like I’m an object though. I’ve always got the vibe that being an “object” implies I don’t like being in control, but that’s absolutely not true~. I feel powerful doing what I do; it’s like I’m a living, breathing porno!

Nia: Hehe, my bad. Didn’t mean to get riled up. Why’d you ask?

Rina: You’re good. Before I answer that… Em, do you feel the same as Nia? About her being treated that way? The way you reacted when I said Nia was…“made for my dick” last night makes me think you do, but I want to hear it from you.

Emery: I don’t know if I’ve ever articulated it quite like that. Personally, I’ve always seen it more as her really getting into the role of her putting on a show for me. When you two put it the ways you have though… I guess so? At least, sometimes. I like that Nia likes it, and I thought what you said was sexy, but that’s not something I’m pining after. It’s just a fun addition, I think. Am I making any sense here?

Rina: No yeah dude, for sure.

Rina: But back to your question Nia, I brought this up for two reasons. I wanted to apologize to you, and also I wanted to um, make how I feel about that kinda thing understood.

She shifted uncomfortably again.

Rina: I think I assumed you were okay with me slapping your ass last night because of your fetish, and that wasn’t cool of me. I know I know, I already said sorry about it — hell, Em even got a boner over it — but I still don’t think that was right. I didn’t even really understand what you think is sexy about it, I was being ignorant. Even then, just cause you think that kind of thing is hot when fucking doesn’t mean you want it outside of that…

Rina: Which sorta brings me to the next point, which is that I’ve…got some baggage with that stuff. Objectifying, I mean; both doing it to others, and having it done to me.

She took a deep breath before continuing. Her skin was pale and clammy, in stark contrast to its normally honeyed color. I don’t think I’d ever seen Rina so timid before.

Rina: Sorry, um, last time we did this it didn’t get so…personal…on my end. Like I said, never really do this kinda thing… Anyway, I’m not like, totally opposed to this as roleplay or whatever. I have some, um…bad experiences with being…treated that way.

Heavy weight filled the atmosphere as the unclear, but unmistakably ominous implications of what she said set in. Had she been referring to people who treated her poorly after finding out she had both sets of genitalia? Was she implying something far worse? Whatever it was, we took it pensively.

Nia and I shared a guilty look, distressed we had potentially agitated something very, very sensitive for Rina. Nia put a hand on Rina’s arm and gave her a squeeze.

Nia: Rina…If you have some kind of trauma with this kink, then please don’t **** yourself just because we like it. Please don’t. We have so many other things we can do.

Emery: You enjoying this is just as important. We don’t even need to talk about it if you don’t want to. Please don’t hurt yourself over this.

Rina: That’s the thing though. I…kinda do like doing it. I liked treating Nia like that, and I, in some strange way, like being treated like that myself. Not the exact same, but similar. But after it’s over, I always feel sick to my stomach. I have negative thoughts. It’s just that…

She cleared her throat and adjusted her position once again.

Rina: Without getting into the weeds, I think you’re the only people I’ve ever been with who haven’t been…weird about my…body. About the fact that I’ve got some things…most people don’t expect a woman to have, not to mention my size… In some way or another, everyone else’s treated me different after sex…

Rina: …Sorry, this has been one really long rambling sesh. I dunno why I’m dumping all this on you guys. I just meant I feel complicated about this. So I’m sorry for acting uncool before, and I’m sorry if I do anything stupid down the line. I’ll try to read the room better, just don’t be afraid to put me in my place again if I fuck up.

Oh Rina… Nia and I knew what needed to be done. We nodded at each other, then abruptly came in close to our solemn friend before jumping onto her chair and forming a suffocating group hug.

Nia: You’re not “dumping” anything on us, dude. Don’t be silly. Talking like this is the whole friggin reason we do it! We want to hear about this stuff if you’re willing to spill it with us.

Emery: Exactly. You didn’t do anything wrong, Rina. Sure, you made a mistake, but you tried to rectify it immediately. Even when you didn’t have to. You don’t have some lower “place” to “be put into”. You’ve been a great partner for us so far, and we’re incredibly grateful you agreed to take part in our perverted project.

Emery: And of course we’d still treat you the same. You’re one of our best friends!

Nia: Yeah dude, the people who did you dirty were being huge fucking assholes. You’re Rina to us, no matter what.

I straightened out and locked eyes with her.

Emery: I don’t want to assume too much about your circumstances, but we’re always open to talk if you need. And as far as guilty pleasures go, you’re not the only one. Like we said last session, it took a long time for Nia and I to get comfortable with this fetish. It was hard work, and continues to be. We still need to talk about it every so often even after a year, now more than ever since you’ve joined us.

Tightening my stomach, I resolved to further demonstrate that she wasn’t alone.

Emery: In fact, I was feeling sick when I woke up this morning. Worried we’d made some kind of mistake. I couldn’t even bring myself to get out of bed... As childish as it sounds saying it outloud, I was afraid of leaving you and Nia alone.

She and Nia looked at me in alarm, clearly ready to drop the conversation so they could reassure me against whatever misunderstanding they believed caused that feeling. I held up my palm and shook my head flatly.

Emery: I trust you two. I know I didn’t have any reason to worry. I don’t know why I felt like that, but I did; even after I liked it so much. And that’s okay. It’s okay to have those feelings, because I can work through them here with everyone. And you can too Rina, for as much as you feel safe sharing.

Rina stayed silent for a moment, then returned our passive group hug with full **** — the pressure of which filled my lizard brain with momentary panic.

Rina: Thanks. I really mean it. I don’t deserve the kindness, but if you’re giving it to me then…I ain’t gonna argue with you about it.

She buried her face between our chests.

Nia: Yeah, you’re gonna have to deal with us being here with you! Sorry, not sorry hehe!

Nia turned my way and gave me a quick peck on the cheek.

Nia: And you too, mister. Don’t just bottle that stuff up.

Emery: Don’t worry, I always knew. I love you too.