At the Oscars

The year is 2011, and it is a pretty good one for you. Clearly it must be as you pull up to the Oscars in your Bentley. What you do isn't important, as long as you get paid, and subsequently, laid. You find the award show themselves to be a bore, but the perfect opportunity to pick up a gorgeous actress low after losing an award. Or even better, an actress high off of winning an award. Your target for this year was Jennifer Lawrence, a gorgeous blonde young star seeking an award for her role in Winter's Bone. You were even more encouraged to pursue her after you saw what she was wearing.

http://i.huffpost.com/gen/251909/JENNIFER-LAWRENCE.jpg

However, despite your best efforts, you weren't able to introduce yourself before the ceremonies, a method that proved to be the best. Your not out of it yet, but your odds are very slim now as you take your seat. You have a good view of Jennifer, but appears as though she was found someone else to rest her head on as they announce the winner for Best Actress to be Natalie Portman. While she is probably the hottest woman here, she is also in a very committed relationship, so you decided to steer clear of her.

. . .

As the disappointing evening wraps up, you head to the bathroom before you hit the road for the long drive home. As you reach the urinal, you're greatly relieved as you've been holding it in for the last 10 minutes. The relief quickly turns to drowsiness as you look at your watch to see that it is midnight. As there is no one else in the bathroom, you are a little slow at closing up you pants. So, it was pretty awkward when Natalie Portman barges in with your dick still hanging out.