Ask for his advice

I washed up the dishes, using the loud rush of water falling from the tap to clear my head. A stubborn stain persisted even as I scrubbed and wiped it repeatedly, taunting me with its mere existence. I sighed and let the bowl and sponge fall from my hands to the sink, letting the tap run while I watched water circle the drain.

What was she doing right now?

I trusted her, but the more I thought on her words the more I could feel my stomach recede into itself. I just wanted to br there for her, to let her know she didn't need to think so lowly of herself. Why hadn't I seen this before, how couldn't I have noticed any signs?

I was worried.

Not for her safety or about what she was doing, I trusted her on both of those.

I worried that I would find a perfect moment tonight, tell her how special she is and that I want to be with her always, and she'll say no.

If I asked and she said no because she doesn't love me anymore, that would hurt. It would be devastating and leave me a mess for months or even years, but I wasn't worried about that happening at all.

I knew she loved me.

From the way she held my hand, smiled and laughed at the stupidest jokes I made, the way she held my face and kissed me gently to wake me up if I slept passed my alarm. I knew what we had was real, precious and beautiful, so what I was really worried about was if she said no because she didn't love herself.

I don't know if I would ever recover, knowing we had this perfect thing and I lost it only because I was to dense to see her pain. That I couldn't notice any red flags from the person who was most important to me.

Maybe I was overreacting to something dmsll and not important. But maybe that was just the line of thinking that let me rationalise away the signs that something was wrong. Did I just not want to believe she could possibly have feelings like this?

"What the hell is wrong with me." I sighed under my breath, splashed my face with the water and turned the tap off. The knob squeeling as I turned it tighter than I should have.

The bowl was still lying there in the sink, that one damn stain ruining the otherwise spotless bowl. Actually, looking at it from this angle it wasn't so spotless. I'd missed a few more spots while trying so hard to get rid of that one.

I'd stalled for long enough. I wasn't sure how much pride I had left, but for the sake of Sarah I threw it all away and walked out of the kitchen.

"Uhh, hey Callum?" I mumbled, sitting back down across from him. He was schooling and typing away on his phone and I don't think he heard me.

"C-Callum?" I said again, louder.

He looked up from his phone, an annoyed look in his eyes. "What." He said, before immediately going back to his phone.

"I, ahh, I wanted to ask you about something."

"Yeah"

"Well, ummm. I need advice. I'm... I'm going to ask Sarah to marry me tonight." Just saying the words lifted me up a little, like they were the first set in making it happen.

Despite his earlier disinterest, I'd gotten his attention. He put his phone down on his lap and looked at me, trying to take in if I was being serious or not.

"Tonight?" He asked, eyebrows raised. "With me in the same bed as her."

"Probably uhh, not like that. But yes I want to ask her tonight."

Callum leaned back and looked up at the ceiling, rubbing his forehead. He stayed like that for a moment until a buzz interrupted his thoughts. He answered the message and then got back to me.

"You're both so messed up." He sounded like a disappointed father. Not upset or disgusted, just...done.

"I'm begining to realise that might be a little true..." I was trying to look him in the eyes, but they kept moving away. I really just wanted to stop talking, but I needed to admit this to myself as much as him.

"Man you watched that slut suck off another guy and now you suddenly want to marry her?" He looked back at his phone and typed another message as he talked. "Fuck I had you pegged all wrong."

The sound of his typing filled the silence, he seemed more tied to it now than I'd seen him be for the past day.

"Who are you talking to?" I asked, both out of idle curiosity and as a way to avoid any deeper questions.

He paused for a moment after I asked, tipping his finger on his leg. It made me think of a computer rebooting, had my non sequitor thrown him off that much?

"She's uhh." He stopped typing and went still, looking me directly in the eyes. "She's my girl."

Right, he did claim to have a long distant girlfriend. But I still found it hard to believe, so I pushed him further.

"So is she OK with everything you've done then?" I was a little smug, catching him in this contradiction. How could he disapprove of me, if his girlfriend was ok with him fooling around?

"Of course, of course man. She gets more action than me!" He was grinning, and talking with a while new energy. "I wasn't trying to dis earlier, I was just suprised you're as open minded and mature as me."

Was this sarcasm? He didn't sound quite genuine, but it didn't feel like he was making fun of me either.

"So... so you both?"

"Oh yeah, my girl loves cock man. One just wouldn't be enough for her." He smiled wide and quickly began looking through his phone. "Here man just listen to this."

He held up his phone, keeping the screen away from me. I couldn't exactly tell what was happening but I'd seen enough porn to know what it sounded like.

From the wet gurgling sounds, the harsh sharp slaps and the multiple voices talking about how "Good her mouth feels" or how "Fuckable her tight holes look." I knew Callum's girl was getting some action.

"Wow, umm, that sounds intense."

"Hehe you should see her man. She drains the cum out of guys better thsn any professional."

"So you let her sleep around and she does the same?"

"Hang on." He said, putting his arms up and getting serious. "Nobody said anything about letting my girl get fucked like a pig."

"I, I didn't say tha-"

"Just fooling around and letting her suck guys off is alright, but sex would be crossing a line." He was watching me more intently than ever before. "Don't you agree?"

I was a little relieved to hear that from him. Maybe down the line something like that was something we could talk about, but for now I think I was at my limit.

"Yes, absolutely." I said nodding.

"Exaaaactly" He drew out the word, as wide as his grin. "Anything else is just a bit of fun, but that's something for loving couples only."

Hearing this from him both made perfect sense, and confused me completly. It made sense now why he'd been so touchy, and forward with Sarah if he didn't think this kinda stuff was such a big deal. But at the same time the idea that he wouldn't take things further than the completly clashed with my mental image of the guy.

Maybe I just wasn't good at reading people... I'd clearly missed things with Sarah.

"So you'll help me with the proposal?" I brought the conversation back around again. "I'm... I'm a little worried about how she sees herself and I wanted an outside opinion on what I should say."

"Don't worry about anything." He said, playing another video of his girl in the background. I could almost make out her voice crying out some guys name, but the speaker quality was too bad to hear it fully from this distance.

Still I heard the moans, grunts and wet sloppy noises of her working somebody's cock. I could almost convince myself that they were Sarah's moans, Sarah's cries. I wanted to know where she was so badly, wanted her to know that no matter what I would be with her.

"Uhhh, ohhh, FuuUUC-" Callum shut off the video as it got to its loudest, leaning back and chuckling to himself.

"Leave it all to me, and we'll give her a proposal she'll never forget."