And so it begins...

I enter the warm lavish room and peer around at you all with my pale blue eyes. I am a tall slender man wearing fine black trousers, well polished shoes, and a charcoal grey smoking jacket. My red-brown hair had just a touch of grey along the temples and thick side burns, it is short cut and parted to the side. My big bushy mustache hangs low enough to cover my mouth. My clothes are clean and pressed though my creased face and calloused hands show the wear of an adventurers life.

I look around at this gathering of my peers. Every one of you a gentleman or lady of great reputation and influence in your own reality, and in some cases beyond. I see diplomats, adventurers, high class scoundrels, explorers, scientists, nobles, and pillars of art and industry. Truly I have never seen a finer cohort of men and women as those I see now in the Erogenes Club.

The air is thick with the smoke of pipes, hookahs, and the like, giving the grand room a unique amiable aroma. I see bottles of fine wines on the tables as well as well worn tomes of literature and higher learning laying open. The rich brown wood walls are covered with exquisite art and rare treasures and fearsome stuffed hunting trophies donated from the various members.

I stride to the bar and order a old single malt scotch, neat, from Clarence our bartender. He hands me a stout glass tumbler and I make my way to the fireplace where a half circle of comfortable leather chairs are arranged. I take an open seat and set my drink to the side table. Pulling a long brown cigar from my inner pocket I strike a match and suck the stogie to life. My tobacco smoke soon mingling with the rest.

Looking around to those seated beside me I nod my head. "A fine evening." I say, even though this club between dimensions has no time of its own. "The name is Lord Sterling von Grimhoven, Earl of the Greywater Harbor, Captain of the Busty Boomer, and discoverer of Vishnu's third nipple." I nod to each of you. "Pleased to make your acquaintances."

I break into a chuckle. "The funniest thing happened to me on the way here. Perhaps you would grant me a moment to tell you the tale." I knew this was the type of establishment whose exclusive clientele could appreciate a good tale, especially one of the bawdy variety I was about to share.

Taking a sip of my fine spirit and a long draw from my cigar I settle in and begin.

"I was making my way to the portal which leads to our beloved club here from my reality when I heard the most awful racket coming from a small yard down a side alley. It was a lady in distress! Well, not one to shirk from such noise I hurried my way down the cobblestone alley. Peering over the tall fence I see...what do I see?" I chuckle. "I see a buxom young red haired lass bent over a wash tub in her little yard. Her blue dress had somehow gotten caught up in her old roller press that was attached to the side of the tin basin. Material from her dress had gone through and come back around, jamming the gears of the contraption. Grabbing the handle she tries mightily to turn it backward, to no effect. Without another option she turns it forward which pulls even more of her dress even further into it, in turn pulling her up against the thing and bending her over in the process. With her dress hitched up as it was her shapely bare bottom was now there for my wide eyes to behold."

"Her knickers were in the wash you see!" I let out a great booming laugh. "It must have been her day to do the delicates. Anyways...sirs and madams, I tell you I have seen my fair share of derrieres from the far orient to steamy Brazil and never do I remember a finer rounder posterior than what I saw this day." I have a distant happy look on my face before snapping back and continuing. "She looks up at a second floor open window. Calling on her husband or father to come help. She had the melodic type of Irish accent that drives me wild. Whoo!" I visibly shudder at the memory.

"I hear this gruff old voice call down, telling her 'shut her gob' and 'fuckin deal with it'. The anger and raw spirit I saw flash in those twinkling emerald green eyes I'd only seen before the eyes of a great tiger I once saw in deepest India. She was a lass with spunk! Well, it was then she noticed me. I blush to admit she caught me ogling her fine womanly parts. I muttered an apology when she looked up at the open window then back at me. The come hither look suddenly in those green eyes caused my already awoken manhood to stand at attention. Well my friends, what would you have done?"

I straighten up to take on a proud bearing. "Well I will tell you what I did. Being a man of manners and good upbringing I jumped that fence and went to help this damsel in distress." I flick some cigar ash into a nearby ashtray. "She hadn't yet spoken a word to me. Only beckoned me with those bewitching eyes and hypnotically waved her plush rump toward me. As I began to struggle to free her from the grips of the infernal laundry press she began to grind and rub herself against me! Can you believe it? Her spouse or father only an open window away and she was writhing against my crotch like a cat in heat!"

"Well...I will tell you this. I am far too polite to leave a woman wanting in that way. Quick as a flash I had unsheathed my saber and buried it in into her fiery orange muffed snatch. Erm, excuse the colorful language. With her bent over the press, her hands holding the far end of the wash basin, I grabbed hold of those soft round hips with a firm grip and ravished her soundly. Soapy water splashed about I can tell you!" I am laughing and slapping my knee. "Try as she might she could not hold in her cries of passion. It was a sure thing her man would hear. And then he shouts...you won't believe it...he shouts 'Shut it or I'll shut it for you!' The brute! Well this only spurred her on more, oh how she pressed back against me then. She cried out and savored every moment. Then...then the man in the house...he closed the window!" I wipe a tear from my eye in my laughter. "He didn't want to hear her distress the stupid selfish oaf. Given our modicum of privacy I ravished her to glorious climax again and again. As I neared my own she gasped in that arousing accent of hers. 'Leave it in me.' She cried. Well sirs and madams, I was far too well brought up not to concede to a damsel's wishes. Leave it in I did, ohhhh it was a wonderful thing! I would not be surprised if that brute and his beautiful red haired vixen will welcome an unusually handsome son within the next year."

I sit back with a satisfied smile. "After that I helped her from her entrapment and with a kiss and a tickle I was on my way to here." I look around. "To our wonderful Erogenes Club."

I then add with a wink and a twinkle in my eye. "Of course this was just a little story from on my way here. Tame fare compared to what these walls are accustomed to hearing. I have many others and...I am betting...so do you."

Having laid down the challenge I cede the floor to the next spinner of yarns. The evening was young and I knew I would hear many a lewd and astounding tale this night.