An unusual quest-giver and some old foes

The mine in front of you is little more than a black hole in the side of the cliff, a rickety mine cart track running out of it and ending with an ore-laden cart resting against a bumper.

"Please, listen to me..." an NPC lying in a pool of his own blood reaches up with one hand to get your attention, his other trying without much success to hold his guts in. "Monsters have—" cough "—monsters have invaded the mine. You need to save my friends."

"Is this how these 'escort quests' always start, Ari? That poor man..." Mariel looks pityingly at the dying NPC, while Sera takes his hand in both of hers and hushes him gently.

"Not that I know of. From what I remember from similar quests, he should be standing here normally, asking us to save his friends. Maybe this one is different?" She shrugs.

"No—" cough "—the monsters, ugh, usually come from inside the mine. This time—" hack, cough, "—this time they came from the outside, and they were different... goblins. Led by some sort of big goblin and a woman who could control the dead." His skin turns even more pale as the pool around him expands. "Please, save them..." With that, he lets out a long sigh and falls to the ground, vanishing a few moments later.

You groan. "You know, just one time I wouldn't mind if things went according to plan. We just show up, get what we came for, and get out with no hurdles."

"Well, wasn't that what happened on our first trip to Broadbridge?" Ari draws her bow and looks over at you.

"Okay, just two times."

"What about when we attacked the monassstery? That wasss easssy," Tlax reminisces at one of your first adventures and you roll your eyes.

"Anyways, quit nitpicking, you know what I mean." Tlax smirks and sticks out her tongue at you. The long organ hangs halfway down her torso at its full extent. "How did I get saddled with such rebellious women?"

"Oh, your life is so hard," Mariel and Seramiel say in unison while rolling their eyes, then look at each other and giggle. "Anyways, you can mourn your ego later, my lord. Let's go find some metal." You're about to retort when a yell comes down the corridor.

"Let go of me, you little green bastards!" You run down the dark tunnel, your champions in tow, and round the corner to see an 18th level bard being tied up by several goblins, another group guarding his bound and gagged companions.

"Okay, try not to hit the adventurers, they might be able to give us some information." You whisper to your group. "On three—one,"

"Hey, you! Are you just going to stand there and watch? Do something!" The goblins turn to see who the adventurer is yelling at, and your group springs into action. You launch a firebolt at one of the leaders as two arrows whizz past your arms and lodge themselves in the chest of an unlucky greenskin. Four more goblins rush up but are no match for Tlax and Sera, and with two graceful swings from each of your champions the four goblins' heads soar through the air before vanishing. A few more volleys from your archers, firebolts from you, and slashes from your swordswomen dispatch the rest of the little buggers, your group emerging no worse for wear.

"Hey, thanks, those little bastards were trying to kidnap us or something." The bard squirms in his bindings as he talks.

"How did you even get captured? They were incredibly weak." You're a little appalled that a full party of four level 18 adventurers were dispatched by a few goblins.

"Buggers used a net trap, took us totally by surprise. Since when are there goblins in here, anyways? The quest just said kobolds and lizards. Say, your party members look a bit... wait a minute, monster! I won't fall for your tricks! You'll never take me alive!" The adventurer stumbles backwards and falls on his ass, his mop of untidy black hair shifting as he groans in pain.

"Look, we really don't want to take you at all, really."

"Good, monster! Then just finish me. Get it over with. I'm not afraid: I have plenty more gold!"

"Um, look, we were actually just hoping to ask you some—"

"**** then, is it? You bastards are all the same. Do your worst!" You shake your head and signal to Sera and she stabs the noisy bard, silencing him and causing him to vanish a moment later. You walk over to a bulky warrior and cut open her gag, at which point a thick gob of spit hits your face.

"Seven heavens, what is wrong with these people?" Tlax slashes her with her twin scimitars, dispatching the second 'hero.' You walk over to the third one, a young mage with his hair tied back in a ponytail and a bit of stubble on his chin, and cut his gag.

"Look, can you please just talk to us? We just want to ask you some questions."

"You're strange for a monster. You really won't kill me? I've barely got any gold left." The mage cowers from you.

"No, I just want to hear what's going on here. We're looking for some resources, not to kidnap adventurers or whatever the hell your friend was babbling on about." You shake your head.

"Hey, uh, would you mind releasing Rebeka Lightbringer and I? Just so we know you aren't trying to trick us."

"Fine." You walk over to his companion, a short but stocky dwarven paladin with sandy hair, and slit the bonds holding her. Once the two of them are freed they leap to their feet and grab their weapons.

"Hah, foul fiends, you've fallen for our trap! We don't know what your plan is, but nobody should underestimate the Shards Social Club!" The mage channels a fireball while his paladin friend charges you with her warhammer and shield. The fight against the two underleveled adventurers is mercifully quick, and a moment later the room is quiet but your potential sources of information are gone. You rummage through the loot, finding nothing but some coins and gems, and look over to Mariel who's doing the same.

"Nothing much here either," she shrugs and shows you a glittering diamond and a few gold pieces.

"Hells, every time I meet an adventurer like Cindy or Annie back at the lair, someone like this lot shows up to remind me that most of them are total asses." You shake your head at the completely wasted opportunity while pocketing the loot they dropped. At least they'll replace the treasure that Amara's group took during the dungeon spotlight.

Ari laughs. "You know, if those two are your standard for adventurers, you'll be sorely disappointed."

"Oh, I know. But hey, maybe with enough outreach we can get a few more ambassadors for adventurer-monster relations. In the mean time, I'll let the rest of them donate to the Azazel Fame Fund. Anyhow, anyone care to pick a tunnel to aimlessly wander down since these idiots were so useless?"

"How about..." Mariel closes her eyes and moves her hand from side to side. "This one!" She points along a cart track which leads slightly up.

"That one looks like it goes up. Shouldn't we be going deeper into the mine, which would presumably be down?" You cast a doubtful glance at the tunnel she's chosen.

"Hey, do I get to pick which way to go or don't I?" She mock pouts a bit.

"Fine, lead the way, but don't blame me when we end up back at the entrance." Mariel struts off down the tunnel she's chosen, bow in hand, and the rest of you follow. The small flame you hold in your hand casts long shadows down the dark tunnel, only your companion's breath breaking the silence in the gloomy corridor. You occasionally pass side passages to the left or right, but Mariel seems content to stick with the straight route. It's guarded by nothing but weak goblins which you dispatch without effort, and you're making good time: maybe this wasn't such a bad route after all. Suddenly, a low growl echoes in the dark, and several pairs of eyes glint as they reflect your magical torchlight.

Your party wordlessly raises their weapons as the eyes approach, and finally a huge, shaggy head moves into your vision, belonging to a far-oversized wolf with vicious fangs. Stubby legs hang over the sides of its back, belonging to an incredibly muscled goblin with several feathers in her hair, an axe in each hand—the same one who helped lead the attack on your lair some time ago. Two more wargs step out behind her, a powerful-looking goblin riding each one. You take a moment to inspect them as their wolves growl and drool.

Feathers, Level 23 Barbarian
Monster, Goblin, Champion, Explicit

Sniffles, Level 23
Monster, Wolf, Champion

Warg, Level 18
Monster, Wolf

Goblin Beastmaster, Level 19
Monster, Goblin, Explicit

Evidently you aren't the only one who's lair has been making progress these past few months. Well, might as well get to it. You raise your hand and start channelling a fireball when the leader speaks up.

"Wait! Daemon man thing! Why you fight? We monster, you monster. Bone guy say all monster work together, kill pink guys." Her warg paces side to side but holds its ground.

"I'm afraid it isn't that simple, goblin. You attacked my lair, attempted to kill my women, and now you ally with my enemies. Did this 'bone guy' tell you what happens to monsters who refuse his offer?" Hopefully she'll listen to reason. You could do with avoiding a real fight.

"Boss say winged ladies bad, corrupt monster, make fight other monster. I see boss right. But I no want fight. You still monster, we still monster. Monster stick together, help, kill evil pink guys. Not daemon pink guys, other pink guys." Her companions' wargs paw the ground impatiently, but she holds out her axes to block their paths. They whimper and then stand still.

"Us? Corrupt him?" Mary and Sera can't help but laugh despite the tense situation. "Yes, our lord is a great extoller of the virtues of chastity and monster-slaying."

"Why no have fun? Seem no fun. See, you agree, boss right to say you bad friends to daemon guy." The goblin growls at your companions.

"Hey, Sera and Mary have plenty of fun, don't they Tlax?" The gorgon hisses in agreement and the goblin glares at the duo.

"See, pink lady too, you also bad friend. You even lie to nice snake. Sad day for all monsters," the goblin shakes her head. You can't remember the last time you met someone so completely obtuse: she even has those adventurers beat. Suddenly, the ground around you begins to rumble and several skeletal hands shoot out of the dirt.

"Feathers, fall back. Zigrag says he needs you at the manasilver vein!" The goblin suddenly wheels around her warg and charges away from you. You launch a fireball which singes the wargs' fur, but they vanish into the darkness as the elf mage approaches, hands glowing with power as more and more skeletons start to claw their way out of the dirt around you.

"Did we really just get stalled by a goblin?" You shake your head as your companions leap into action. Sera, Ari, and Tlax charge the nearby undead, crossing blades with them and cutting several down, but new skeletons rise as fast as the old ones fall. Mariel concentrates as frost gathers around her, and the crunching of ice fills the cave ahead, followed by an animalistic whimper. You shoot another fireball down the tunnel, illuminating the mage, druid, and a single mounted beastmaster trapped by the huge wall of ice. A moment later, it explodes, the three of them yelling in pain as the flames lick their exposed flesh.

"Azazel, we need to take out that necromancer!" Ari parries two skeletons and kicks one of them in the ribs, its bones crumbling to dust as it falls. You nod and launch yourself into a glide down the tunnel as your bony wings sprout from your back, Mariel following behind you while shooting arrow after arrow.

"Sera, with us!" The angel slashes one last skeleton before launching herself away from the undead horde, gliding behind you like a black and red bullet. You loose a wide cone of fire in front of you, filling up the passage with scorching flames. Rotten hands grasp below you, trying to find purchase on your legs, but aren't able to reach as high as your gliding form. The chanting necromancer grows larger and larger in your vision as the distance between you closes. So close—

Teeth like daggers pierce your side and you careen off-course as the beastmaster's warg leaps into your side and chomps down on your lightly armoured flesh. You grab onto its fur and sink in with your claws, the two of you rolling in a mess of teeth, claws, and fur as the goblin tries to hack away at you with his axe to little effect. Suddenly, a sickly sweet smell fills your nostrils, and a buzzing fills the room as swarms of flies and maggots begin to emerge from every surface and crawl towards you and your companions. You gag a little at the sight and try to muster a fireball, but are pulled down again by the wolf's teeth and grimace in pain.

A harsh wind blows through the cavern and you feel a chill seep into your bones as Mariel concentrates behind you. Her sister lashes out, grabbing the druid—or whatever he is now—with her fiery whip and yanking him off his feet, while snow and ice begins to fill the cavern. The swarm of foetid insects slows as bug after bug curls up and freezes in the harsh chill, and the wolf lets go of you as it whimpers. You feel your health rapidly draining from the frigid winds, and pick at the stopper of your health potion with your numb fingers. After three failed attempts you finally uncork it and toss the contents down your throat, a pleasant warmth spreading through your body as it heals your wounds. You stand up to see the goblin beastmaster pushing himself up to his hands and knees while his mount stares at you and growls, then throw yourself to the side just as the warg pounces at you again, this time dodging out of the way in time to avoid its hungry maw.

The necromancer lets out a pained cry as an arrow of frigid mana strikes her shoulder, then another her knee. She falls to the floor then pushes herself to her knees, falling back on her face when a sheet of ice materializes under her. Seramiel, meanwhile, stabs the blasphemous druid through the stomach and he pops out of existence. An evil green arrow lodges in the goblin's back and he collapses again as well.

"Nice doggy..." you back away from the wolf while slowly circling around the room. It growls at you before lunging again, and you roll to the side as its jaws snap where your head was only moments ago. It rights itself again and turns, but is erased from existence when Tlax's twin scimitars go snicker-snack, finally ending your improvised bullfight. More ice arrows finish off the goblin, and soon the downed necromancer is the only thing remaining of your opponents. Tlax lends you a replacement health potion and Mariel downs one of her mana draughts as you surround the elf, her shallow breathing betraying the fact that she's still alive.

"Turn around, very slowly." She lets out a groan then flips over, lying on her back as she looks up at you. "Now, elf, answer my questions and I'll let you go."

"Dun-nuh-nuh-nuh dun-nuh-nuh-nuh dun-nuh-nuh-nuh dun-nuh-nuh-nuh DUN." Ari sings a descending series of notes

"Damn it!" The necromancer groans in pain while the warlock starts singing some sort of fast "dun-nuh-nuh-dun dun-nuh dun-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh" tune over and over.

"Erm, what?" You cock an eyebrow at Ari and she smirks, continuing the backing track. "Aaanyways... what are you doing here in Deepcrag? Developing a new form of necromancy? Murdering NPCs? Pushing adventurers around again? Or are you going to claim that you're actually helping people out for a change?"

"Look, If I—if I—I'm not one of Zigrag's allies, I wouldn't..." You simply cross your arms and tap your finger against your bicep. "D-d-d-damn it." She catches a few more breaths then pulls out an ornate dagger. Your champions ready their weapons, but before they can stop her she shouts "GLORY TO MY MASTER!" in a low voice and plunges the dagger into her chest, vanishing into a small pile of loot.

"Not the answer I was looking for... do adventurers normally act like that?" The others shake their heads in confusion. "No? So it's not just me? Good, didn't think so. Let's see if we can find her friends and figure out what the heck is going on here."