Acting in character, I drink way too much

The next few hours were pretty much standard house party stuff – a whole bunch of introductions to people whose names you’ll forget a minute later, followed by meaningless small talk, made bearable only with copious amounts of ****.

I hung out with James and his friends for a bit, only to find them dispersed after I came back from the kitchen after refilling my drink. I kind of floated around the living room, talking to anyone who I may have recognized, my voice getting hoarse from trying to tell people my university degree time and time again over the blasting music. After a while, I met up with James again and he introduced me to a couple other people from his football team.

As I had expected, I didn’t catch Charley much as she roamed between rooms, completing her quest to have a full conversation with every single one of Abigail’s guests.

By 1am, the party was still going strong, but I certainly wasn’t. James was working the next day, so he’d left. And I had drunk an amount that was verging on way too much.

I took a few minutes and sat down on one of the armchairs in the living room, resolving to people watch for a while until I sobered up a bit. But I quickly realized that I wasn’t just passively looking. I was seeking someone out.

Charley was sitting at the table by the window, talking with two other girls I hadn’t been introduced to.

As I watched her, I realized I wasn’t even creepily picturing the night we’d spent together after Mum’s party anymore. Instead, I was creepily imagining how she’d react if I went up to her right now and told her I’d changed my mind.

Would she smile and tell me she felt the same way? Would she kiss me like she did last Friday? Would she lead me upstairs to one of those bedrooms Abigail had showed us?

Yeah, I had a problem.

So much for sobering up. I got up and strode over to the kitchen, ready to make myself a vodka coke that was significantly more vodka than coke. I had just filled my glass halfway with Smirnoff when I heard someone come up behind me.

“That’s … an ambitious drink,” Charley said, as I spun around to see her.

I scratched my head, trying to think of an excuse. I couldn’t exactly say that I was drowning my sorrows and trying to get her off my mind. “I’m an ambitious guy.”

“Well take it easy, buster. I’ll hold your hair back while you throw up if I have to, but I’d really rather not.”

I laughed, despite myself. “My hero.”

Charley rolled her eyes, but she smiled as well.

I was surprised, as always, at how easy it was to talk to her like there was nothing going on. But try as I might, I wasn’t able to stop my thoughts from wandering again. The last time we were both drunk, I’d had the most amazing yet complicated night of my life. Did this night have something in store as well?

“You enjoying yourself?” Charley asked.

“Yeah, I think so. It’s helped take my mind off of everything,” I lied.

“Hmm,” she replied, looking me right in the eye. “That’s good, then.”

Fuck, she can see right through me. Taking my mind off of everything? What a joke. Even standing here just talking to her, I was getting turned on again. Oh, man. Was I really just that into her?

It didn’t help that I just couldn’t stop staring at her face. Why did she have to look so good right now? It was really inconsiderate of her. Especially while I was dealing with all this emotional turmoil.

Unfortunately, I clearly wasn’t being very subtle about it.

“Umm … why are you looking at me like that?” she asked.

I ignored her question. It was now or never. Was I really going to go down this path? I just needed a moment more to myself, a moment to think….

But then I stopped myself. I’d spent twelve years overthinking and obsessing. Fuck feeling guilty. I wasn’t going to do it anymore. I steeled myself. Here goes.