A simple matter of deduction

Knowing that it would last longer this time, I tried my best to savor every single aspect of it. Her lips, indescribably soft; the subtle taste of Earl Grey tea on her tongue; her intoxicating smell, and how pleasantly warm her body felt against my fingertips, as I held her tightly against me.

We sat there for a while, lazily making out. It wasn’t quite like last week, while we were watching When Harry Met Sally – it didn’t have that same magic, fairytale-like feeling. But it was just two people being completely and utterly comfortable enjoying each other’s presence.

Being with Charley like this was just so … easy. Not just the sex, but everything before and after. I thought back to what my mum had said about the relationship between her and my dad – how it was always a chore, how things needed to be one hundred percent perfect to feel like it was working.

Well, me and Charley’s relationship had sure as shit had its ups and downs. Eight years of one-sided and guilt-ridden pining, followed by four years of hardly any contact while she was away. And then when she finally came back, we ended up walking in on each other masturbating. And then after a few days of awkwardness, a drunken and sexually charged conversation led to us sleeping together. And then after an extremely uncomfortable talk the next morning, we avoided each other for a week, only for us to drunkenly decide that we couldn’t just ignore how we were attracted to each other and later have sex again in her friend’s bathroom.

And then after all that, we had to do everything in our power to keep the new development in our relationship secret from our parents, sneaking around and only getting down and dirty in the dead of night, as quietly as possible. And then even when she moved out, a misstep from the two of us involving some incestuous dirty talk brought all the guilt right back.

Not exactly smooth sailing.

And yet through it all, deep down, there had never been a single person in the world I would rather have been with than Charlotte Kim. Sure, there were times when I’d tried to keep her at a distance. But that had never been because of a lack of feelings for her. It was always because I was scared of just how strong my feelings were.

Right there, sitting on the couch, I realized it.

Well, shit. I am. I’m in love with her.

It was like I’d just been struck by lightning. I pulled away, and had to hold back a gasp as I looked into her eyes for the first time since I’d come to terms with my feelings. I’m … in love with this girl.

Charley chose her words carefully, still catching her breath. “Are … are you alright?”

“Yeah,” I replied. “Sorry … I just got in my head a little bit.”

‘Oh. That’s okay,” she breathed. “Sorry, you got me … anyway, what were we talking about? Yeah, The Hateful Eight. I can play?”

“Let’s do it.”

This time, it didn’t take half the movie. Charley quickly snuggled up to me, resting her head on my shoulder again, before pressing play.

Unfortunately, once again my mind was too preoccupied to pay attention to the film. I wasn’t even really thinking about anything – I was just basking in this exciting, nervous buzz. I had no idea what to feel about my realization.

Before I knew it, the movie was over. Charley turned the TV off and turned to me excitedly. “So…?”

“Um…” I actually felt pretty guilty now that I hadn’t been paying attention to the supposed masterful scene composition she’d been talking about. “Yeah, it was great.”

She breathed out dramatically. “Well, thank fuck. If you’d said any different, I might have had to disown you.”

“I’m pretty sure that’s not a thing for siblings,” I laughed. “And definitely not step siblings.”

“No, for not appreciating Tarantino? That’s gotta be in the Geneva Convention or something,” she joked. “But anyway, that’s so good. We should watch the rest of them now.”

“Now? It’s already like nine in the evening.”

“Not now now,” she replied. “I just meant over the next few weeks.”

“Sure,” I shrugged. “How many are there? Think we’ll get through all of them before I leave?”

“Tokyo. Right,” she muttered, suddenly sounding a bit glum. “I guess I’ve just been trying not to think about that.”

“Why?”

She shot me a look. “Because I’m gonna miss you, asshole.”

“Oh.” It was maybe slightly pathetic, but I cannot oversell the crazy endorphin rush hearing that from the girl I just realized I was in love with gave me. “I’m going to miss you a lot, too.”

Charley leaned in and kissed me again. “Yeah, I know. But it’s just a few months – nothing we can’t power through.”

The statement caught me off guard a little bit. Charley had been adamant when she had set the ground rules – this was going to end. She had said in an ideal world, it would just fizzle out after a few weeks – well that sure as hell hadn’t happened. And then failing that, she’d said that almost a year apart while I was in Tokyo would let the arrangement naturally come to an end.

And yet now, here she was saying we could ‘power through’, and emerge with what we had on the other side. It boded well for me, as someone who had very clearly broken an important clause in our arrangement now that I knew what my feelings towards her were.

I was kind of clueless when it came to these things, but I wasn’t blind. It was clear that Charley was having a good time with how things were. The only thing was how good a time.

I mean, that was the all-important question now, right?

How exactly does Charley feel about me?