A Jolly Old Cop

"Ho ho ho!" cried Roger, "or rather, two hos!" He laughed at his stupid joke.

"What is it, Rodge?" I asked, after rolling down the back window.

We live in a small town, and Roger Choate is the Chief of Police, all two of them, as well as a village councilman, prominent business owner, and most famously, the local Santa Claus at all county-wide events. He looked the part, even though he was around my age, thanks to a delicate diet of sweets and plenty of white hair dye.

"I heard about the diagnosis," he said, pulling up his phone with the Statewide Medical Alert that included my high school picture for some reason. My early '90s hair was horrible. "Wasn't sure if it was real until I saw your two little ones being a little too friendly." He laughed some more, as I realized Ian had pulled over right off the main road into town, as a few cars kept passing by and gawking, even if they couldn't see my kids' nudity.

"The offer still stands if you need me to help out in any way. I'll even fuck your daughter." He looked at Darla in the most un-Santa-like way, licking his curled mustache after spotting her dripping vulva.

"Get out of here," said Wendy, which prompted Roger to shrug and whistle his way back to the patrol car, nodding as a passerby honked.

We pulled into my home and waiting heated garage, but my heart sank as I noticed the cars in the driveway. "Oh, no..." I said. Ian looked over worried. "It's my in-laws," I said, worried about the new state of affairs.

Hank, Sr. and June were in their early sixties and generally drove an RV around the country. They were due in my house in a couple days for Christmas, but had apparently shown up early. I figured out why.

We pulled into the garage as Hank waved at us. My son and daughter, for there part, seemed unphased by their enforced nudity in front of their own grandfather or the obviousness that they had just fucked. This was life to them, now. I, though, was a little bit nervous about bringing up my medical malady to my late husband's father.

"A little bit chilly for all that, eh?" he joked, peeking a look at Darla's bottomless bottom as she grabbed some supplies from the vehicle. I was dressed but carried all the shame of my shameless children. "You're here early," I said, trying to sound friendly but failing.

"News travels fast. The missus and I were going to be here tomorrow, but we pulled an all-nighter when you heard you collapsed. Then, of course, we got the statewide alert, and about fifteen minutes ago, my friend Roger sent me this!" Hank held up his cell phone which showed a Facebook video of my two kids fucking and me jilling off. I frowned.

"I don't think that video should be shared," I said, trying to push around Hank, who just shrugged and followed me in.

"Yes, well, this is pretty exciting. My boy always said you were insatiable in the sack. I guess we now know why!"

"Watch it," I said, testily, "the kids don't need to be hearing about that." Both my husband and his father had an antagonistic relationship, and I wanted to cut off any discussion of him at this moment.

"Why? I'm guessing you already fucked both of them, and I know you had them fuck each other. Hearing about their old man's exploits shouldn't be off the table. Remember when I found you two shagging in the changing room? You couldn't have been more than seventeen or eighteen years old. Boy, when I was younger, I would've bent you over the stool myself and double-teamed you, if Henry was agreeable."

I bit my lip thinking about it, and Hank wasn't that bad looking even now, but... no. His wife was here, and it might be an insult to my husband's legacy. Still... maybe I can get someone to double-team me with Ian, soon...

"Jellybean!" shouted June Harris, to my daughter Darla as she entered the room. The two hugged tight, and June looked down at Darla's exposed vagina and smiled. "Is this what your big brother did to you?" She seemed to have no filter as she reached down and wiped away some of Ian's almost-dry semen from her leg. She licked it and had a bit of a sour look.

"Ian's not the EDP, Nana. My mom is." Darla said, as I came in and gave my mother-in-law a quick hug.

"I know, but some of this is in the blood. Maybe Ian's jism has some of the same properties." Her eyes widened and mouth grinned. "Oh, are you pregnant? You should still be young enough."

I felt unease, "I don't know, maybe. Ian's the only man I've slept with in a while, but the doctor said it was very unlikely. I might find out in a few days, but I'm guessing my menstrual cycle will be all out of whack from now on."

If it was exactly the opposite of a male EDP, then there's no way in hell I'd ever get pregnant. But if Doctor Li was wrong, and I was just as likely to conceive as a male, then I was definitely pregnant already. Maybe several times over. My eyes grew as I worried over some sort of monstrous multi-pregnancy.

But, no, that would be a fallacy. Still, my son's sperm might be swimming to its final destination. If I was super-impregnatable, then no Morning After pill would work. The best way to outcompete Ian's jizz would be to find another virile counterpart. I was certain to do so, soon.

As I pondered whether to take my father-in-law up to fuck, I heard a tapping on the door. "Hey, guys," came a way-too-familiar voice.

"Oh, I forgot to tell you," said Grandpa Hank. "We bought along your sister-in-law and her family."

My lips were licked as I looked passed Jenny to her nearby husband, Thad. The buffest, most attractive man I ever knew in college. I would fuck him. Now.