14.2 Admission

Nodding wordless, you watch as he throws the wolf over one of his shoulders before helping you up. He keeps his free arm draped loosely around your back, allowing you to rest some of your weight against him. Shivering lightly, you find yourself leaning further against him as you continue. When you finally reach your makeshift camp, he quickly tosses the carcass down before turning his attention to you. Moving with unexpected care, he gently helps you to sit down on a nearby stump. Once you're seated he goes to retrieve his backpack then takes a seat on the ground beside you.

You observe carefully as he takes out a small safety kit then to your surprise a mostly full bottle of liquor. Frowning in skepticism you raise an eyebrow questioningly when he looks back over at you.

"Trust me," He replies to your unasked question. "You'll want this."

Deciding to do just that, you remain silent as the man gets to work. Using the spare cloth you brought, he cleans your wound using water then some of the ****. Once done he wordlessly hands you the bottle before pulling out a large needle from the first aid box. Your eyes widen slightly and you quickly realize why he said you would need this. Raising the bottle to your lips, you quickly take a long drink from it. The buzz is nearly instant as it has been at least two years since you last had a drink. A pleasant numbness quickly takes over your already weak body. James loops some thread through the needle then motions for you to take another drink. Still feeling rather nervous you hesitantly do just that before setting the bottle down.

You close your eyes when you feel one of his hands gently wrap around your injured arm. Breathing in deeply, you brace yourself for the next step. You let out a small gasp when the needle first pierces your skin. Though it's not nearly as painful as the wolf's fangs, it is still far from pleasant. You become aware of your hand wrapping around something and quickly realize you're grabbing onto the man's forearm. Before you're able to react, the needle is pulled through again, causing you to tighten your grip. Whimpering lightly, you fight back tears as he continues working. After what seems like an hour he finally pulls away. Sniffling softly, you hesitantly glance over at your arm.

Though you're no medical expert, you can tell he's done a surprisingly good job at suturing the wound. You continue watching as he wraps the remainder of the cloth around the wound. Letting out a deep exhale, you shakily reach for the bottle. You can feel James' eyes on you as you take another drink. Though you're sure it's not good to be drinking in your condition, you cannot deny the immediate pain relief it provides. Sighing again once you're done you glance over and gingerly hand the bottle to him. James continues observing you for a moment before lifting the container to his lips and taking a long swing.

"Thank you," You finally speak when he's done, making sure to keep your gaze averted. "This is the second time you've saved my life."

"Let's not make a habit out of it." He replies playfully, though you pick up on his weary undertone.

"I'll drink to that." You respond, undeniably spirited by the liquor.

"That's your last one though," He cautions while returning the bottle to you. "You've lost a good amount of blood."

You don't reply as you're too busy taking another long drink from the bottle. Though the label has long since peeled off, it's unmistakingly vodka. Something about that liquor gives it the unique ability to almost always taste cold. Despite your slight dehydration, you can't help but savor the refreshing liquid as it cascades down your throat. Before you think you've had enough, the bottle is swiftly pulled out of your hand. Giving James a somewhat disapproving look, you watch as he downs another mouthful.

"And that's enough of that." He states before setting the bottle down. "How does your arm feel?"

"It feels great." You reply, haphazardly lifting the now numb appendage.

"Easy," James quickly reaches over to help lower your arm. "I shouldn't have let you drink so much."

"I'm fine," You quickly retort while lazily trying to pull away. "Well, I'm not fine but I am okay."

"What does that mean?" He questions, frowning slightly as you move to slide off the stump to sit beside him.

Though your mind is swimming slightly, you also feel as if it's been the most clear in a long time. Looking over at the man you decide to respond honestly.

"I'm not drunk," You begin slowly, quickly trying to sort out your feelings. "I'm... frustrated."

"Frustrated?" James repeats, clearly still unsure where you're going with all of this.

"I don't understand you." You admit, letting out a deep sigh before continuing. "One minute you wanted me to come here with you, then the next you were telling me to go back."

The man remains quiet for a few moments as he seems to contemplate your words. Sighing again, you feel yourself lean against him. He stiffens initially before relaxing to your touch.

"Look, I..." James' lets out a deep sigh before continuing somewhat hesitantly. "I wanted you here... But when I realized how difficult it would be, I got worried. I didn't want to get attached because, if anything happened to you under my watch... well, I wouldn't be able to forgive myself."

Your brow furrows lightly as you take in his confession. It never occurred to you that his distance could be due to such reasons. Biting your lip, you slowly sit up and turn to face the man.

"Are you telling the truth?" You question, still slightly skeptical of his admission.

A look of hurt passes over the man's face before he quickly reaches for the bottle again. He takes a long drink before exhaling deeply again.

"I don't like talking about feelings and... stuff." He replies brusquely, quickly turning away from you. "But I will admit, I don't like the thought of you getting hurt. And I've already failed..."

"Hey, that was my fault," You quickly reply, shifting around to try to meet his line of sight. "I shouldn't have gone out on my own."

"Well, either way you got hurt on my watch." James replies darkly, his tone increasingly frustrated.

"And if it hadn't been for you," You remark encouragingly, feeling your mind slip back towards inebriation. "I would be here-- wouldn't be here, I mean..."

James chuckles softly and finally returns his gaze to yours. When he reaches up to tuck a loose strand of hair behind your ear you can't help but blush. The sensation of his skin against yours is unexpectedly intoxicating. Desiring more, you nuzzle yourself deeper against his side.

"I knew there was a reason I liked you." You mumble softly while stretching your legs out to get more comfortable.

"Really?" You hear him question somewhat playfully. "To think this whole time I thought you hated me."

"Maybe at first," You admit, finding it progressively difficult to censor yourself. "But you've grown on me, more than I'd like to say."

James remains silent, keeping his gaze straight ahead pensively. Suddenly aware of your situation, you quickly sit up, pulling away from him in the process. If you continue any further, you might be getting in too deep. However, there is a large part of you that desperately wants nothing more than to fulfill your desires. Perhaps it's the ****, but you feel yourself unbearably compelled to move forward. Looking down somewhat helpless, you're unsure how to progress.