Who needs gods anyway?

god takes the day off

Chapter 1 by JackalBoy JackalBoy

You wake up feeling particularly refreshed. like you'd slept as much as you needed for the rest of your life. you were 19, male, and not particularly handsome or fit. a bit pudgy if you were being honest. at least you had a big dick, 8 inches full mast. you'd measured once. despite your large member you hadn't actually had sex with anyone, since you not only lacked a fine body but also most of the social skills necessary to navigate the modern sexual world. You are bisexual but mostly lean towards women, finding most men too hairy and squarish for your liking. you get out of bed and throw on a t shit and jeans. you had no job and are on winter break anyway, so its not like you have to dress nice. You walk towards the door to your bedroom, stepping over the piles of dirty clothes on the floor. jokingly to yourself you wave a hand towards the floor of your bedroom and say "Clothes clean yourselves up" and to your suprise they actually do it. they miraculously look like new and hang themselves up in you closet.

"What the fuck!" you yell out to no one in particular.

you wave your hand at your messy bed and say "Bed make yourself" and the sheets move on their own to a very neat make.

your jaw drops.

where had this power come from? you thought.

no, it couldn't be that easy, you think thinking about how to phrase your next "wish".

"Me know where this power came from." you say aloud.

a flash of light abscures you vision and standing before you is a bearded man in what appears to be his late 50's in a hawainn shirt, swim trunks, with a pina colada in one hand and a novel in the other.

"A what the hell kid, you couldn't wait a few more hours to wake up? i was reaaally relaxed." the man says to you

your jaw hangs.

"comeone kid shut your mouth, you look like a fish" the man says

you slowly close your mouth.

"There we go, much better." he says a smile spreading on his face.

"W-who are you?" you manage to stutter out.

"I'm god dumbass, what the hell do you think?" the man said

He looked a little bit more like a tropical santa claus than god but you weren't about to question the man who had teleported into your bedroom.

"So i bet you're wondering what the fucks going on. well kid, i'm taking a vacation. a nice loooong vacation where i get to think about what i want to do next, have a long conversation with myself about whether or not i even want to stay in the planet making business. there are plenty of oppurtunities for a young deity like my self."

"so what's goi-" you begin but "god" hold up a hand before you can finish

"i'm giving you control of this universe while i'm gone. feel free to do literally whatever you want. i can always just come back and reset whatever you do anyway."

your eyes go wide

"I can do anything?" you squeak out.

"thats right kid. you are officially god."

and with that he vanished in a puff of smoke.

you try to call him back again but nothing happens. maybe your god powers wont work on him?

"well. I guess i better get started." you say, to yourself.

what do you do first?

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