The election was a real shit show.
Real politicians tried to make a comeback, but it was too late. Instead the ballot was comprised of reality TV stars, comedians, former models, YouTube stars, professional wrestlers, and on and on and on. All getting far more press than any serious candidate.
By the time Election Day came, no one knew who would win, but everyone knew it would be a disaster.
But no one could have called it. No one could have predicted how it actually turned out. And afterward, after crunching the numbers and scratching their heads, people tried to desperately figure out how it had happened.
How it was that the winner... the next president of the United States of America was a former pornographer, infamous, known for making some of the nastiest, most vile content ever seen in the industry.
His real name wasn't "Hardcore" but that's what he wanted to be called. That's the name he ran under. That's the name he took the presidency under.
How did he win? Maybe it was because factions were so split. Maybe it was that he ran as the most anti-mainstream candidate in history. He didn't participate in any debates. His entire candidacy was web videos, some of them very graphic. Maybe his slogan "a chicken in every pot, and a slut in every bed" genuinely appealed to people - the people who came out to vote anyway, since voter turnout was at an historic low - 15%
But you don't need to have a lot of voters to win, just the most. You don't need to have lots of voters to win in an electoral landslide - and that he did, winning every single fucking state but Connecticut.
His Inaugural Address was three sentences: "Everything will change. The cock is going to rule. Get ready, people."
And the entire country, including you, braced themselves
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History's most infamous porn purveyor becomes the most powerful man in the free world
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