It all starts in a tavern...
When all the land is bards, no one is...
Chapter 1
by 
lknight
In the land of Gran, in the Kingdom of Silras, in a small village of Varnak, we enter a bar known as the Shady Tickler. We do not dwell on the name of such a bar, as such an origin story would be lewd and unworthy of our time. Instead, we focus on the inhabitants of this shady bar out in the middle of nowhere.
No no, not the halfling fucking the elven prostitute in the corner. No, the dragonborn putting the bard into the mating press is to far. No, we focus on a dwarf sitting in the middle of this debauched display of lewdness. For out of all the patrons here, he is by far the most serious minded. Indeed, he turns his nose up at the buxom drow, or even the lewd gnome. For he is a dwarf who has come here for a purpose! To hire a rag tag group of individuals to go out on a quest. For you see, this dwarf know something that the others didn't. That a great evil was on the rise, and only a plucky band of adventurers would surely be able to handle it.
Why he didn't just report this to the king of the land, and let an army deal with this is... unknown really. In truth, we rarely question why a small group of people can accomplish what an army cannot. But if that were the case, adventurers would likely not be needed at all. Fortunately, this was the case, and many plucky individuals have found a very nice career in disposing of big bad evil guys.
Dressed in fine blues, and leather breeches, this dwarf is clearly loaded with excess gold that needs to be issued out. And as you approach, he tells you his story. "To the far east, pass the Rapey Woods, through the Long Dicked Orc mountains, and through the dens of the cave toads... was my kingdom."
Why such suggestive names were used, well... someone wasn't very inventive, and decided that lying about the name of such a place was likely a very poor idea. "Unvark has taken over the lands of Drell, and daily he marshals his forces to ready himself for an invasion! My house is fallen, and i'll use what I have left... so please, help me..."
Despite the very tragic tale, it should be noted that this is a silly, debauched tale. Full of sex, , and comic relief that in no way reflects why the dwarf is hiring you. So tell me, adventurers... who are you?