...she faces a moment of truth

Sleeping on the stone floor of the cave had kept Aliara alive, but it hadn't done her back any favors. Compared to that, the bedroll on which she'd spent the last night was as soft as a cloud. She stirred awake and laid there for a moment, staring at the ceiling. Memories of the previous night filtered back a few at a time, and she smiled.

Eventually, the smell of frying meat penetrated her consciousness. That, and the sound of sizzling meat, got her to bestir herself. Her underwear was where she'd left it, and she dressed behind a pillar. Her clothes were looking pretty ragged, and her boots had basically disintegrated, but she covered herself as best she could and followed the aroma of cooking meat until she found her new companions.

Three of them sat on the wyrm's body like a giant bench. Kurk stood next to the fire, flicking a saucepan full of bacon back and forth. The smell of it made Aliara's mouth water all over again. She wasn't sure she was ready for meat yet, but her gurgling stomach wasn't going to give her much choice. She waved to the others and sat down at the end of the line, next to Rhuyem.

"Good morning, Aliara," Lotho said. "I trust you slept well?"

"Well enough," she allowed. "It's nice having a bedroll again. What's for- whoa!"

Her seat shifted slightly, nearly pitching her to the floor. She stumbled forward with her arms windmilling. She looked back in time to see a ripple pass through the wyrm. It lifted the other three, who adjusted to the wave of motion without falling. "The wyrm!" she cried. "It's waking up!"

"Calm down, please," Lotho said. "It's all right. It's starting to wake, but it'll still be docile for a while yet."

"It thinks I'm its mommy!" Talia crowed. "It'll follow me wherever I go."

Lotho shot her a quizzical look. "That's not really true, is it, Talia?" She shrugged.

"Who knows what a wyrm thinks?"

In any case, no further motions seemed forthcoming, so Aliara gingerly sat back down. It was a little disconcerting, sitting on a seat that rose and fell occasionally, but she adjusted quickly. The bacon was delicious enough that she soon forgot her worries, though she had to eat it very slowly-- her stomach roiled with each piece.

"I neef boof," she said through a mouthful of bacon. "Sorry. I need boots. Do you have spares? I don't think I'm up to walking without them."

"Hm. Rhuyem is about your size, maybe?" Lotho said. "Sorry, mine and Kurk's are too big, and Talia's would certainly be too small. Rhuyem, do you have spares?"

The mage shook his head. "Not something I carry around, sadly."

"Maybe you could ride on the wyrm?" Talia asked. "No, really. You can hang on to its crest. It won't be super comfortable, but your feet are looking pretty rough."

They were. In all the excitement of the past day, Aliara hadn't really looked at them, but now she could see the swelling, the blood-blisters, the torn and cracked nails. "I'll try it," she said. "How long is this trip, anyways?"

"About two days from here to Vollerat," Lotho said. "And don't worry, there'll be plenty of time to rest there." He cocked his head and looked at her strangely. "You know, Aliara, you acquitted yourself very well yesterday, and you seem like a friendly sort. How'd you like to join us? Long-term, I mean."

"We talked about it last night, after you were asleep," Rhuyem put in. "The vote was unanimous. You'd make a fine addition to our team."

"Fine is right!" Talia squeaked, her tongue rolling lecherously over her lips. She was clearly undressing Aliara with her eyes. More than undressing, really. The half-elf blushed and looked away.

"Oh, stow it, Talia," Lotho said. "Don't scare her off." He extended a hand to shake. "What do you say?"

"Join you? As a... monster hunter?" Aliara tapped her chin as she thought, an old tic she'd never been able to shake. "So what would we do, exactly?"

"Well, we're licensed by the Pit Guild in Vollerat," Lotho explained. "But mostly it's just expeditions like this one. We also have a contract to produce tonics for the pit-chiefs."

"You could help me out in the lab, if you wanted," Talia said, sounding uncharacteristically bashful. "You're not as clumsy as these idiots."

"What do you say?" Kurk asked. "It's not as fancy as the life of a wandering adventurer. No glamour. But it's a paycheck, and you get to meet interestin' monsters."

"Can I have some time to think about it?" Aliara asked. "Would that be ok?"

"Of course, my dear," Lotho replied. "Think about it all the way back, if you like."

Riding the stonewyrm proved to be as uncanny an experience as Aliara had ever had. It grew more active as they packed their campsite, though it still lay around like a lizard on a hot rock. Its huge head swiveled to follow Talia as she put away her vials and reagents, and its huge mouth hung slack, revealing a cave full of glittery crystalline fangs. Talia inspected it, peering into its eyes, and declared it suitable for transport. "You hanging on ok up there?" she asked Aliara.

Aliara nodded and clung as tightly as she could to the bony crest that ringed the creature's neck. It felt just like stone, as though she were clinging to an overturned sundial. The wyrm's whole body had that texture. No matter how she arranged herself, some part of her body pressed uncomfortably against unyielding stone. She finally sat with her legs splayed over its back. It was a bit wider than a horse, but not so much so that riding it was painful.

The real discomfort came when the wyrm started moving. It undulated along, its body rising and humping, then leveling out again. For Aliara, who got seasick just watching the waves go up and down, the nausea started immediately. She shifted position over and over, trying to find someplace to sit where she wouldn't constantly be bouncing up and down, but nothing worked. Finally, she had to call a halt.

"I'm sorry," she said, gasping and sweating, trying not to throw up. "It's just... the bobbing up and down, up and down..."

"I've got a potion that might help!" Talia said. She shrugged off her pack and started to root around in it. "Guaranteed to get rid of nausea! The only side effect you have to worry about is-"

"No side effects, Talia," Lotho chided. "Rhuyem, is there something you can do for her?"

The elf stroked his chin. "Maybe..." he said at last. "Aliara, do I have your permission to cast on you?"

"Cast what?" she asked, warily. A memory bubbled up in her brain: Mez, having found a scroll with a haste spell on it, had convinced her to let him test it out on her. They'd found her up a tree five miles away, trying to make the world stop spinning and her heart stop racing.

"Just a soothing spell. It'll make everything nice and calm. I use it on myself to meditate."

"Well... ok," Aliara said. She'd already let herself sleep near these people. If they'd wanted to hurt her, they could have done so then.

He closed his eyes and began to chant. The pearl at the head of his staff glowed, first white, then cycling through a rainbow of colors. It went from firey red to sunset orange to crisp autumn yellow to mossy green... the colors began to cycle, faster and faster. Aliara stared at them, entranced. Colors flashed by, first filling up her vision, then filling up her brain.

There was a soft fizzle and the colors winked out. Aliara blinked a couple of times and swayed on her feet.

"Whoa," she said aloud, lifting her hands and staring at them. "That... that does feel better."

She climbed back up onto the wyrm's back. It felt wonderfully soft up there now, not at all like before. She grabbed its crest and threw her legs over its flank sidesaddle. When the group set off again, the wyrm's great body rose and fell like before, but now it felt like sitting on a cushioned porch swing in some rustic cabin. Aliara sighed contentedly.

For the first time since her underground ordeal, she found herself thinking clearly. Not, not since then, she realized. Longer. Since the battle. Since Teysa was hurt.

"Hurt" was the easiest way to think about it. Thinking about Teysa still felt strange. What would it be like, to kiss those grey lips? To have those great grey arms wrapped around her body? She had never wanted anything so badly, and never hated any thought so much.

_So where do we go from here? The voice in her head was persistent, at least. You want to join up with this crew?_

The idea had a certain appeal. Teysa's party hadn't been the first Aliara had ridden with, and she'd always suspected that it wouldn't be the last. That was how it went; that was the traveling adventurer's life. People died, or retired, or moved on. It was a life she knew and was familiar with, at least. And it was free, at least. No masters, no foolish talk about sacrifice and the nobility of suffering.

Her ordeal in the darkness was already fading, dreamlike. Some parts of it, though, had their hooks in her brain. Every time she closed her eyes she saw Teysa's face, heard her voice. And that little girl, so awfully familiar...

She teetered on a precipice, tasting the yawning verticality of the drop beneath her. Is there more than this? Am I fooling myself? If I go with these people, is that giving up?

It's surviving, stupid! The little girl's voice rang in her head. That girl was scared, of course. Why shouldn't she be? She'd never known a day without pain and terror and confusion, not since the slavers tore her from her mother's arms. Aliara hadn't worn chains in decades, but she could still feel the cold iron around her wrists.

But what alternative did she have? She wasn't Teysa. She'd never be. She didn't even want to be. Teysa was sweet and brave, but she was trapped in her own blind alley, unable to see beyond the path she'd chosen a lifetime ago. She had forged her own chains.

That's right, love, Teysa said, somewhere in the back of Aliara's mind. You'll never be me. You shouldn't be. But you can be more.

The girl's voice echoed in her head too, young but with an edge beyond its years. That child had suffered as no child should suffer and had been scarred by it. But scars faded with time. You're really free now, you understand? No more half measures. It's scary. You might die. But at least you'll die on your feet.

You're right. You're right. Aliara drew in a breath. Slowly, bit by bit, her heart calmed down. Her future crystallized in her mind, bright and clear as a fallen star. I'm not Teysa. I'm me. I don't have to owe anyone anything, or be afraid any more. Her time in the darkness had done that much for her. She'd spent her whole life chasing freedom, and here it was, sneaking up on her when she'd least expected it. I am free. Perfectly free. And that means whatever I do next is up to me. Nobody to tell me I'm wrong. Nobody to reward me for getting it right. That was what freedom meant, she saw that now. You made your choice, and then you owned it. Whatever else life took from you-- whatever pains and terrors it inflicted, whatever sorrow and heartbreak it wrought-- it could not take that. Once you made your choice, you were answerable to yourself alone.