know more about my fantasies

Alea: It was simple at first handcuffs, blindfolds, then duct tape and straight jackets, a guy taking charge... then it grew. I started looking into chastity, humiliation and severe bdsm, pain and ****.

I investigated breast bondage, piercings, cutting, sensory deprivation and more... I thought I was sick and twisted when I found myself looking up things like amputation and horrible punishments. I found out there were other people who liked some of the things I did but they had other reasons for it. The people who were into casts and casting seemed to like it for the fun of it, not for punishment and restraint. The people into amputation liked looking at others who had amputations or had Body dysmorphic disorder and wanted their limbs cut off because of a mental imbalance that made them feel that body part was not supposed to be there...

I didn't fit into any of these groups. I wanted the things happening to me to because I was not good enough, I was bad or needed punishing, or because I was too disgusting the way I was.

I started seeking online a guy who would help me fulfill my fantasy who had no boundaries and a sick, twisted mind. There were a lot of misses when I started telling them how far I wanted to go but finally I found someone who seemed promising.